Polite notice - please stop sending me “gentle reminders”

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AIBU to be fed up with seeing these two things?

Why write “Polite notice” as a title to your notice? When someone has read the content of your notice, they will be able to decide for themselves whether it’s polite or not. Something isn’t polite just because the author says it is.

I also think that when people put a “Polite Notice” up saying eg not to park somewhere that maybe they think the word “Polite” looks enough like “Police” at a casual glance for people to be fooled.

Secondly, people recently feel the need for any reminder about anything to be “a gentle reminder.” It’s so passive-aggressive in my opinion. It’s just “a reminder,” surely?

Saying “just a gentle reminder” simultaneously sounds patronising and also vaguely threatening, like “this time it’s gentle, but next time you won’t be so lucky.”

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

A gentle reminder carries a number of subtexts.

1. Apparently, it's frowned upon these days to corner people I feel are my inferior in deserted offices and scream in their face.
2. My current line manager isn't up for doing the screaming for me, but maybe if I send enough of these with them copied in, they'll finally do their job/my dirty work or complain to your line manager about you.
3. I've also copied your line manager in so that they'll hopefully give you a bollocking instead.
4. I'm not even allowed to send emails in bold uppercase 18pt font since that grievance was submitted by somebody who didn't know my tendency to scream and shout is just how I am and is my unique personal style because I just care so much. You just can't say anything to people these days.
5. I remember when you were the new member of staff. Just because you've moved from your original position over the years and now do a highly specialised professional role, that doesn't mean I'm ever going to view you as anything but the imbecile who couldn't even guess where I hid the toner cartridges for your printer on the day you had a time critical report to run for the first time.
6. This was due to be completed six hours ago, but I'm trying to convince my line manager's line manager that it's not actually my responsibility that I haven't bothered to do, it's yours.
7. I really, really resent the fact that I suspect you have had something to do with subsequent new members of staff not cowering when I've attempted to order them around, despite having absolutely zero managerial authority over them.

As such, they're best ignored - after clicking 'No' on the Read Receipt box.

I am a particular fond of the sort of reminder people feel fit to issue when they haven't told you the thing previously. So its not a fucking reminder at all-whether they put polite in front of it or not. Its a polite whoops i forgot to communicate this but won't admit it and will instead gaslight the reader.

Gives me the rage!!

Totally agree about gentle reminders, they wind me up where the exact same message within the “gentle” wouldn’t in the slightest.

Yup, ‘Polite Notices’ and ‘Gentle reminders’ usually come from
a place of irrational rage.

FOR all you who cannot contain your rage at such things, Banksy produced some police incident tape (I think it's still available) which said POLITE LINE DO NOT GET CROSS.

Totally agree, gentle and polite reminders both just annoy me and make me not want to do the thing I am being reminded to do. Same as ‘be kind’ makes me feel really unkind.

I thought about ordering some, but it’s hundreds of pounds per roll!

I used to work as a support worker and when we had 2:1 clients one of us would be lead and would text the other confirming the date/time/location/plan for the session etc. One woman I worked with would always text with “gentle reminder that we have a session with X tomorrow.” Why be gentle about it? And it wasn’t a passive aggressive thing about me forgetting as I had never once missed a session. Just confirm the details with me and stop telling me you’re being gentle with me. I don’t need it!

It’s all about subtext. A gentle reminder means “this is not urgent, yet, but will be”. Whereas “hope you are well” is usually reserved for someone you haven’t spoken to in a short while so it’s politer to not just go straight in with a demand. I find if you use subtleties like this well, people will generally respond better overall to communications. If you are constantly harsh/demanding you can be seen as cold or impersonal.

Arguably though, women are often expected to be overly gentle in communications at work which is a separate but related issue…

Also completely agree that there’s no need for gentle reminders in the context of dentists etc

DD's headteacher sends out emails like this occasionally. It's fucking hilarious when she does because the vast majority she sends out are so packed with disdain and vitriol. She's literally Roz from Monsters Inc. It helps that she also looks like her, so when she's been at her most diminutively aggressive sending out ill mannered emails during the day, it's actually kind of funny to look at her standing on the yard at pick up snarling and adjusting her glasses. Must be looking for Wazowski.

This! It's like when people say something horrible and end it with 'no offence' 😂. I will be the judge of whether you've offended me or not thanks!

Pay up today you fucker or your kid gets the hobo treatment

All of you who don't like receiving 'gentle reminders' into your emails, and presumably 'polite notices' about doing your own washing up at work or whatever else, why don't you just be considerate and do what you're meant to be doing, then no-one would have need for directing them at you would they? And you'd have nothing to complain about. And if it's not aimed at you, it doesn't matter how it's put does it?

Until mumsnet I didn’t realise so many people got so annoyed at so many things. Maybe I’m more east going than i think

I'm a rider and bloody hate these. So pretentious and make the rest of us look like twats. As if people are going donation Sarah and her 13 hand hairy pony are the police anyway!

The people who won't wash up or load the dishwasher aren't going to think the signs apply to them, whether they're written by Uriah Heep, resemble the twee 'Give us Money' wedding invites or are written in the imperative. The only things that seem to get through are actions such as chucking unwashed Tupperware and mouldy mugs into the bin, backed up by a notice informing the offenders that 'Unwashed items will be disposed of after 24 hours' to be pointed at when they want to know where their manky plastic tub that contained the remnants of fermented sardine curry has gone.

With the emails, nobody particularly wants to be dragged into a Reply All situation where the actual response could be sent with screenshots demonstrating that it's already been done a month ago or that it's waiting on the original sender to do something. However, send enough Polite Reminders and somebody will eventually return with a Holy Hand Grenade.

Maybe you are easy going, we don't know. I do think I am quite highly strung. I also know that threads like this on MN allow me to say "oh yes, me too" and join in with (mostly) light-hearted off loading of life's small grievances.

It's not something I would say.

If I really mean gentle reminder I'd say something like, I know it's not technically due until tomorrow but, just in case here's a reminder...

If it's overdue, I'd just say payment/report was due yesterday, please make sure it's sent today.

That said I think it's people falling over themselves not to offend, I can live with that.

I run my own business and only ever send "polite reminders" about things that people should bloody well be doing anyway.

But you don't need to call it a polite reminder.

An email e.g. "Please can you remember to pay the invoice which was due yesterday" is all that is needed. That's polite. You word polite is superfluous.

I hate sending e-mails like that. I find it incredibly embarrassing to have to go to clients and basically ask them to give me my money. A generic "Polite reminder" is (for me) a much nicer way of doing an incredibly unpleasant task.

If people are offended by it, then they could just pay me on time to begin with

Too many people getting offended all the time about very trivial things. I bet an equal number of people (the same people?) would get offended at every slightly-too-abrupt email or notice. People in the workplace are very much damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Exactly.

I know a fellow business owner who recently lost several clients because she got sick of sending "polite reminders" and started sending out harsher messages about late payments.

Instead of having the decency to apologise and pay her on time, they dropped her completely. Probably a blessing in the long run, but many small businesses can't afford to risk upsetting their customers like tat.

"Reminder of Dental Appointment"
"Gentle Reminder of Dental Appointment"
"Reminder of your Dental Appointment"

First one is a little abrupt
Second rather twee, and Uriah Heep- like
Third would suit me

I've never had a reminder (polite, gentle or otherwise) for a bill/invoice as I pay everything on time.

I only seem to get gentle reminders in the work place, as as a PP said, they tend to come from people more junior to me and they are (usually) completely justified in sending the reminder. In fact I did start a thread about my email interaction with a colleague about this very issue. The thread did help me to change my ways and reframe my thinking, but I would still much rather she just say "Oi Orig, you forgot to do nnnn".

I don't feel strongly about gentle reminders sent to the whole team.