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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the most inappropriate unsolicited advice you received from a random person about your child?

207 replies

Adviceagains · 14/07/2023 13:52

I’m feeling sensitive today. Stood in a queue and dd asleep in her pram. Women behind me starts talking to her husband/partner saying that baby looks too hot, how ridiculous she is in a hat indoors in this weather… obviously I could hear. I didn’t say anything. She then taps me on the shoulder and shows me an NHS page on clothing/temperatures for babies and said I might need it. What the fuck? I am a new mum and already stressing over making the right decisions. Am I alone in this? I actually cried when I got in the car.

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 14/07/2023 18:12

Not a random stranger but my Mum. She said "don't make a rod for your own back when I picked my daughter up from her cot as soon as she started to cry. This was when she was visiting me and dd in hospital ... when she was 3 or 4 days old!!

Somethingsnappy · 14/07/2023 18:18

Wfhandbored · 14/07/2023 14:07

My best one when they asked if my baby was sleeping through the night at 6 months (she still doesn't at 2 and a half lol) was 'have you tried rocking and shushing her?' I was like fuck me Margaret no it never crossed my mind 😅

😂

Anniejameslastcallanniejames · 14/07/2023 18:19

My dad god love him always always says - have you put suncream on the kids?? and I always reply, no dad I really wan’t them to burn 🙄🙄
someone once told me my son was rude because he didn’t call a shop keeper Sir when he said thank you. I replied, I actually think you are quite rude….. Sir

TheoTheopolis23 · 14/07/2023 18:25

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 14/07/2023 14:07

Not a random but mil who spouted random shite.. Ds's could never be without a nappy or they would get sexual feelings. She was never asked to change nappies... Her opinion on their genitals worried me tbh.

WTAF.

cuckyplunt · 14/07/2023 18:26

I had a lady in a play park tell me that I was pronouncing my youngest DD’s name wrong. Elinor should have the emphasis on the “or” seemingly
Whatever!

TheoTheopolis23 · 14/07/2023 18:28

because it was 'well-known' that rabbits can kill children by jumping up and kicking them in the throat.

😂

NoNoNadaNo · 14/07/2023 18:40

One from my sister... She was talking to a friend about their DCs and chatting about them losing their baby teeth when a taxi driver said it was disgusting that they were talking so happily and openly about their kids losing their teeth. He said they should be ashamed and stop giving them sugary food that's rotting their teeth.

Sister and friend were gobsmacked and asked the driver whether he realised that kids lose a whole set of teeth naturally, he argued with them and told them they were awful mothers trying to cover up their incompetence 😂

Clevs · 14/07/2023 18:45

  1. I was told that I was making a rod for my own back by rocking my son to sleep in his pram. I was in a cafe and it was his nap time. He was too young to self settle and I needed to get him to sleep. It was a middle aged man that said it.

  2. My mum didn't like that I was breastfeeding as she's a bit of a prude and also felt she was missing out by not being able to give him a bottle. When my son bit me when feeding once her reply was "time to get him on a bottle now". She also told me that he should be sleeping through at 6 months old. Maybe I should try some baby rice in a bottle at night to make him sleep through. And that I was risking injuring by carrying him in a baby carrier in case I fell and landed on him. She came out with some weird shit when he was a baby and struggled to understand that in the 40 years since she's had me advice had changed, there's been advances in baby equipment available and that babies could actually start on finger food instead of purées.

shieldmaiden7 · 14/07/2023 18:51

A childless 45 old man who still lives at home with his mum and and 47 year old brother told me that should split my children (aged between 10 and 18) up over the 6 weeks holidays as it's not normal for kids to spend that much time together.

Him and his brother have never moved out. Still sleep in the beds they had as teenagers. Don't cook, do their washing or anything apart. All his partners have left him due to his close relationship with his brother, and the brother is still a virgin!

Purplegurple · 14/07/2023 18:54

I got told once that I was sexually abusing my 9 week old daughter by breast-feeding her. He got the middle finger and told to swivel. Couldn't think of a better response at the time but still glad I stuck up for us.

Eileen101 · 14/07/2023 18:59

Not to cuddle my firstborn so much or he'd be clingy.
That I needed to wean my first from breastfeeding at 12 months - far too old apparently. This was MIL. Stopped with my second just before she was 3 Grin
That I needed to speak more to my slow to speak 2.5 year old.
Something about I shouldn't raise my arms above my head because Id cause 🤔 something to happen to my baby in utero. It was so bizarre but now I can't remember what it was... That was my normally very sensible grandma.
Someone on MN told me I needed to stop pandering to my daughter's allergy. The one that could be life threatening.

Dippydinosaurus · 14/07/2023 19:02

FIL when breast feeding my newborn who wouldn't take a bottle from DH and I was exhausted from being woken every hour so started cosleeping: 'you're making a rod for your own back'. How the fuck would you know how difficult it is to have zero sleep for weeks

MIL after having my DS: 'a girl is for life, a boy is for life until he gets a wife' (or something similar). Doesn't bother me so much now but at the time when my DS was newborn it was awful. Why would you say that to a new mum who's massively in love with their newborn

Oysterbabe · 14/07/2023 19:04

We were on a nice walk with DD in a pushchair. She was 15 months. Approached by a nosy cow.

NC to DD: I bet you'd prefer to be walking than stuck in that wouldn't you?
Me: ah she can't yet
NC to DD: Oh I thought you'd be walking with those long legs.
Me: Well she can't
NC to me: What you need to do is get either side of her and hold her hands, make her walk, you'll get her going. I used to work in early years and children just do not get enough exercise these days.
<NC strides off along the path>

I was so upset and absolutely fuming as a knackered first time mum. I've told her to fuck off so many times in my head since. What she didn't know is that DD was pre-term, had gross motor delay and a heart condition, she had open heart surgery about a year later.

It is never appropriate to mouth off with advice when you've got absolutely no idea what's going on in people's lives.

Oysterbabe · 14/07/2023 19:06

DD was a VERY fussy baby, cried a lot. SIL told me I needed to give up dairy and I cried. I admit it was an overreaction but i was very tired and it felt like the final straw 😆

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 14/07/2023 19:06

MIL once put my daughter to bed. She then said that my daughter clearly didn't need cochlear implants and wasn't really as deaf as the doctors said because she had said goodnight to DD when her cochlear implants were off and she had replied. She can lipread, and always says goodnight when you turn out her light!
BIL (her son) is just as bad. DD was dressed up for a fancy dress party as Princess Leia, and he said we needed to remove her implants because Leia wasn't deaf and it made the costume look silly!

Keepyournoseout · 14/07/2023 19:11

Was also once (looking at you fil) told that ds2 didn't need baby gaviscon or anything else for acid reflux because there was no way of knowing that the baby had reflux because he couldn't speak to tell us.

SpaceJamtart · 14/07/2023 19:21

I was carrying my twins in slings and a woman came up to tell me that what I was doing was really unnacceptable.
When I asked what she meant, she said I was so obviously favouring one of my babies by holding her on the front, that it would ruin their relationship and I should keep them together and treat them fairly at all times.
When I looked confused she said I probably wouldn't notice if the baby on my back fell out.

morethanspice · 14/07/2023 19:22

Age about 8 Daughters grandfather told her to stop putting her hair behind her ears as that would make them stick out. Then added a comment about how they stuck out already. Daughter was already a bit self conscious about her ears (which she has grown into) and I was FURIOUS as it was at Christmas in front of loads of people. I told him off and he didn’t speak to me again for many years

EvilElsa · 14/07/2023 19:27

I got a message from a primary school mum I barely knew telling me she could help "cure" DS autism through juicing. That was pretty amazing unsolicited advice. I did manage to hold back and just blocked rather than telling the fucking idiot what I really thought. Wasn't worth my time to try and educate the MLM cult member who probably would have just argued back with stuff that would make me angrier. I did tell the school though. What they did with it I don't know but she wasn't allowed to flog her shite at events.

SophieHope7 · 14/07/2023 19:37

Oh OP ignore the silly woman! None of her business how you dress your child and sounds like you're doing a brilliant job.

CrustyWingshield · 14/07/2023 19:43

BarbieBunches · 14/07/2023 15:32

I was bottle feeding tiny DS in a cafe once and the two women next to me struck up a loud conversation next to me about lazy neglectful mothers who can’t be arsed to breastfeed and the untold damage they’re doing to their babies. They went on and on.

I had my back to them and sat silently crying until DS had fed and I could leave.

Bitches.

That's horrible. i bf my kids but wouldn't judge someone ffing. It's just bloody feeding at the end of the day. I don't get this feeding one upmanship. I think new mothers lose sight of themselves sometimes.

gabsdot45 · 14/07/2023 19:49

I used to run a creche and one day the inspector came. My son was 3 at the time and was in the creche. He still had a bottle ( I know he was too old for it but ......).
The inspector told me that he shouldn't have the bottle, I replied and said he was healthy and growing etc.
She said baby cows grow but they're not very intelligent.

cookielove · 14/07/2023 20:10

Tinkietot · 14/07/2023 14:16

I argued with an old lady once that my little boy was in fact a boy. Around 8 months at the time and she said what’s her name. I replied he’s a boy. She told me he was far too pretty to be a boy and was I sure on his sex?

I have loads from my mother; they should be sleeping through the night by 3 months, I shouldn’t breastfeed past 3 months and that’s why they don’t sleep, why aren’t they forward facing so they can look out the window in the car, too many snacks and why can’t they have chocolate at 6 months it’s only a little bit….too many to write.

I had the same with my oldest when he was 4 months old, i kept saying he was a boy. But she insisted on calling him she and she was so pretty. Yes HE is!!!!

And both my boys now have long hair my eldest is straight with ringlets at the bottom and my youngest is straight with a ombre style colouring running through it. Absolutely gorgeous. So many people confuse them for girls, people have told me their hair is wasted on them.

What i never understand is that its fine for girls to wear "boy" clothes and still been seen as a girl. But a boy with long hair and no one ever assumes they are boys in "boy" clothes.

CoodleMoodle · 14/07/2023 20:11

I was walking through the Lidl car park with DD when she was about 18mo/2yrs. A couple stopped their car alongside us, put the window down and said to me, "your little girl looks ever so sad!"

She was not sad in the slightest. In fact she was thrilled because we were about to share a cookie! But even if she did look sad, what the fuck? That was 7ish years ago and I still think about it every time I go to that Lidl. I just don't understand why they felt the need to say anything!

summerstyle · 14/07/2023 20:26

Sitting under a tree in the dappled shade with my 6 month old. Baby looking up enjoying the different shapes/colours. A complete stranger decided to come and tell me I was letting the sun burn her retinas and if she went blind it would all be my own fault (it was spring not high summer and it wasn't that bright).

Looking back I think he was batshit but it made me feel like such a shit parent and it did make me cry.