Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset at this?

65 replies

Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 10:39

Potential new friend I met at my kids nursery. She seemed lovely and said doesn’t have many mum friends and neither do I honestly as I work long hours. Going really well till she asked me what school my kid will be going I told her which I’ve (a private one) and she just went into a rant of how her husband went to one abs learnt nothing whereas she went state and had an amazing degree etc. etc. she went into this rant for good 5 - 10 mins. I tried to remain calm. The thing is I am going to be making huge sacrifices to send my kid there as I know it’s the best one for him. I feel a little upset. She want to meet up late on in the holidays should I forget her opinions and try to be friendly or just avoid?

m I think it’s so rude making judgments on other peoples decisions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 10:40

Apologies for the typos I’m really upset at her rant. She was so rude.

OP posts:
Coolhwip · 14/07/2023 10:43

YANBU, I’d ditch her. I’m working class and never went to private school but she sounds like a bore. Everyone is entitled to make their own choices for their dc free of judgement.

CurlewKate · 14/07/2023 10:46

Yep. This happened.

familyissues12345 · 14/07/2023 10:51

Hard to know without being there.

I probably wouldn't be impressed if someone ranted at me, but would turn a blind eye if they told me their feelings about private school. Did you tell them your feelings about state schools?

Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 10:51

@CurlewKate what are you on about? Are u seriously saying I’m making this up? You seem like a weirdo. Yes on my Friday morning on my only day off for ages I’m typing this just for entertainment gosh seriously.

@Coolhwip thank you. I’m seeing her again later as it’s a whole day event for the kids in nursery. I’m really annoyed but I also feel I sometimes don’t give people second chances. Should I just be civil and if she brings up topic again shall I say something? What should I say? Something like “that’s rude” or @i don’t wish to discuss”?

OP posts:
Thisisthescene · 14/07/2023 10:52

CurlewKate · 14/07/2023 10:46

Yep. This happened.

What a bizarre response

aSofaNearYou · 14/07/2023 10:56

I think it's hard to tell without being there. Was she angrily ranting, or was she just latching on to the subject to make conversation and you are sensitive to the issue?

I can imagine putting my foot in my mouth like this accidentally.

Watchkeys · 14/07/2023 10:58

Have you heard of self validation, OP?

Whether we would be annoyed is neither here nor there. You are annoyed, and it's your decision how close you get to her. There is no 'right' answer, and how much you care about her opinions and how she puts them across is very nuanced. Giving people 'a second chance' is very nuanced. A second chance at friendship? A second chance at having a conversation about schooling? A second chance at being a school gate acquaintance? A second chance at talking to you?

She has shown you an aspect of her personality that you don't like. Now you decide how much that affects how close you want to be with her. Our opinions don't matter because they won't be the same as yours.

What do you think you should do?

Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 10:58

Sorry I should have stated in my original OP for context I find it difficult to regulate my emotions. Once I get upset I spiral! Normal people shrug things off but I find that really difficult to do. I’m so annoyed, it was supposed to be a lovely day for my son today with his last week at nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 11:00

@Watchkeys thank you. I’m in 2 minds - one I should let it go as I need more friends! Or two it was such a horrible and unthoughtful thing to say. I’m still deciding.

OP posts:
Artycrafts · 14/07/2023 11:00

Her jealousy towards you will only get worse.

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 11:00

It was genuinely a 5-10 minute rant or just her briefly sharing her views that happen to be different to yours?

The latter seems somewhat more believable. Why did you not just tell her your reasons for sending your DC there and agree to disagree?

NoTMyNamea · 14/07/2023 11:02

Sorry but I mostly agree with her and would find it hard not to voice my opinion in your situation. But I wouldn't rant. If you're making huge sacrifices to send your child there is it really worth it? Less/no holidays, no days out, not much time with your child because you're working more to earn the money to pay for school? Have you factored in all the massive extra costs aside from the fees? Sorry just putting it out there....

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 11:04

Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 11:00

@Watchkeys thank you. I’m in 2 minds - one I should let it go as I need more friends! Or two it was such a horrible and unthoughtful thing to say. I’m still deciding.

Depends if you only want friends that agree with you on everything.

I disagree with my friends about some things they do, we like to discuss our differing points of view, accept that we believe different things and then we move onto something else.

It doesn't sounds like she said anything really awful - just that she'd got more out of her state school that her DH had from his private school and she considered them to be a waste?

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2023 11:04

Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 10:51

@CurlewKate what are you on about? Are u seriously saying I’m making this up? You seem like a weirdo. Yes on my Friday morning on my only day off for ages I’m typing this just for entertainment gosh seriously.

@Coolhwip thank you. I’m seeing her again later as it’s a whole day event for the kids in nursery. I’m really annoyed but I also feel I sometimes don’t give people second chances. Should I just be civil and if she brings up topic again shall I say something? What should I say? Something like “that’s rude” or @i don’t wish to discuss”?

Just say 'We all make decisions for our own children which we feel are best for them. So let's leave it at that'

Does she really think a 10 minute rant at a stranger will make them change their plans?

Loon

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2023 11:05

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 11:04

Depends if you only want friends that agree with you on everything.

I disagree with my friends about some things they do, we like to discuss our differing points of view, accept that we believe different things and then we move onto something else.

It doesn't sounds like she said anything really awful - just that she'd got more out of her state school that her DH had from his private school and she considered them to be a waste?

Show quote history

But they aren't actually friends - so a bit presumptuous really

Watchkeys · 14/07/2023 11:07

Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 11:00

@Watchkeys thank you. I’m in 2 minds - one I should let it go as I need more friends! Or two it was such a horrible and unthoughtful thing to say. I’m still deciding.

So the question is really 'Do you want more horrible unthoughtful friends?', isn't it?

Normal people shrug things off but I find that really difficult to do

Why do you think that normal people shrug things off?

Needingachange · 14/07/2023 11:07

It’s immoral to have to pay to recieve a good education and people who do pay prop up the narrative and inadvertently help to support the continued underfunding of state education. Same as those who pay for private healthcare. Good education and good healthcare should be a human right not a service saved for those who can afford it. No matter what you sacrifice to do it doesn’t change the fact you are in a position to do so. A lot of parents who love their children just as much as you love yours would never be able to sacrifice that much as they simply don’t have it. If you plan to make this choice I’d say you need to get used to some people not finding it reasonable and challenging you on it as with all choices

Summer2424 · 14/07/2023 11:08

Hi @Annoyed75 i wouldn't make the effort to meet up to be honest.
Just keep it to hi bye thing x

jeaux90 · 14/07/2023 11:08

People have strong opinions on that issue OP.

I decided to send my DD14 to private secondary school because of her ASD and ADHD she needed small classes/small school so made the decision based on my child. I'm a lone parent so it's a big commitment financially.

If someone went off at me, I would massively push back. She has a right to her opinion but you have a right not to agree. No one has a right not to be offended.

Hoolihan · 14/07/2023 11:10

Was it a 'rant', or a conversation?

Artycrafts · 14/07/2023 11:11

Needingachange · 14/07/2023 11:07

It’s immoral to have to pay to recieve a good education and people who do pay prop up the narrative and inadvertently help to support the continued underfunding of state education. Same as those who pay for private healthcare. Good education and good healthcare should be a human right not a service saved for those who can afford it. No matter what you sacrifice to do it doesn’t change the fact you are in a position to do so. A lot of parents who love their children just as much as you love yours would never be able to sacrifice that much as they simply don’t have it. If you plan to make this choice I’d say you need to get used to some people not finding it reasonable and challenging you on it as with all choices

Never mind the OP being unreasonable. I don't think I've read such a diatribe of unreasonableness in a long time. What people choose to do with their money is up to them. You are trying to guilt trip them! They are not responsible for the upkeep of society.

wholivesondrurylane · 14/07/2023 11:12

she went into this rant for good 5 - 10 mins

gosh you are so patient, most people would have just make an excuse and left her to it 😂

She must have serious issues if she needs to bang on about her amazing degree, maybe she needs to use it so she doesn't have so much free time to feel so bad about herself.

It was about HER trying to make herself feel better, it had absolutely nothing to do with you, don't worry about it.

Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 11:12

Thank you all. It wasn’t just opinions it was a huge rant others were also listening in I noticed. She also said in the rant they looked into the same one I’m sending my son to but it was so expensive. She also asked me twice “how are u affording it” I ignored her question!

but why is she liking into the school if private is so bad? I’m kicking myself for not thinking of that when she said it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyed75 · 14/07/2023 11:13

*looking

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread