Would you be upset at this?

[Annoyed75]

Potential new friend I met at my kids nursery. She seemed lovely and said doesn’t have many mum friends and neither do I honestly as I work long hours. Going really well till she asked me what school my kid will be going I told her which I’ve (a private one) and she just went into a rant of how her husband went to one abs learnt nothing whereas she went state and had an amazing degree etc. etc. she went into this rant for good 5 - 10 mins. I tried to remain calm. The thing is I am going to be making huge sacrifices to send my kid there as I know it’s the best one for him. I feel a little upset. She want to meet up late on in the holidays should I forget her opinions and try to be friendly or just avoid?

m I think it’s so rude making judgments on other peoples decisions.

If I felt she was a potential friend, I think I would say something to her, along the lines of, “OK, got your point of view, rather forcefully put, by the way. Now. Are we going to be friends who disagree on some things, or are you going to make this difference a huge thing that will get in the way?”

So she’s a hypocrite to boot? Run a mile.

As I suggested earlier, pure jealousy. You can afford it, she can't.

I dont think it was a horrible thing to say as such. It sounds factual. But if her opinion wasn't asked for then it shouldn't have been said. But she's not being horrible, she's just pointing out that just because a school is private it doesn't mean you'll get the best outcome. It's about the child.

Yes, I would also say that you are affording it by making huge sacrifices in other areas, if it’s all the same to her.

If you have no other issues with her I definitely wouldn't let a friendship go over this.

Therein Lies the problem. EVERYONE is responsible for the upkeep of society in their own way. Everyone has reasons for sending their children private and I often understand them even if I do not necessarily agree with them. I was responding to the OP (as she asked in AIBU) that I think she probably
needs to get used to people having strong opinions on such topics. I don’t need a discussion on my own personal opinions and beliefs on the matter and if I did I would start my own thread.

OP I don’t think you would be unreasonable to not continue a friendship that is your prerogative however I think it’s always healthy to have friends from different walks of life it helps us to see society from every angle and stay socially conscious

She is clearly jealous if she actually looked at the school and decided she can't afford it. I don't think this friendship will work out.

I don't agree with private education but I don't rant about it. It sounds as if she would like to send her child there but can't afford it so she's jealous that you can.

I think you’ll find a lot of people share her views. Did you not like her opinion of private schools or was it that you just didn’t like that she’s a brutally honest person?
im sure you’ll find more mum friends at the private school that perhaps are a better fit for you.

Did you miss the bit where the twat wanted to send her own child to the same private school but couldn’t afford it?

The ideal response will probably be 'let's just agree to disagree on that one! Life's too short to fall out! Now, shall we go to the playground?'
She's only going to be a friend for a short time anyway, OP, you'll make others at the new school gate.
(But even a short term friend is worth having, in my opinion)

Private education always seems to provoke reactions I think.

I went to a private school on a 100% scholarship. We were poor and I was lucky that I benefitted from a private education for free.

There's no way I could afford private for my kids, so it was never even a consideration.

Over the years I’ve had mum friends who have said they’re sending their kids private, at different stages, and I find it triggers a strange set of emotions in me.

Firstly I feel envy that they can afford it. Often I’m confused as they don’t appear to have much money, and I find myself wondering how they can afford it. Then I feel slightly put out, that they think the state system is good enough for everyone else but not good enough for their child. The extension of that is that they think their child is better and more deserving of a fancy education than mine is. In my area it’s compounded by the fact that the village school is always desperate for kids - village schools really struggle and are always facing closure - so I feel that they’re letting the side down by going elsewhere. I know this reaction is wrong and irrational, and I would never articulate it, but I can’t help those thoughts coming into my mind.

I think some people find that their envy makes them cross, and they want to convince themselves they’re not letting their own child down when they can’t afford private, so they say nasty things about private schools.

OP I’d meet her again but if this is a recurring theme then you’ll have to let the friendship go.

I missed the bit where OP said she asked this woman for her opinion on her school choice.

I must have misunderstood how conversation works. Surely a lot of it is Person A says X and Person B then comments on it?

We've had another thread on this exact topic in the last few days. Is there some kind of weird private school humblebrag campaign going on?

100 % this. Back off and find a new friend. She'll just get worse.

@ManateeFair can u link it pls. Was it similar or just private schools in general?

@RainyWeekend im so bad with finding people I click with and she was so easy (or so I thought) to talk to.

@MumblesParty really good post. I feel similar, although unlike you, I went to probably one of the worst state schools in the country, and still did really well. I also do have the cash to send my kids to private school, but only just, and we made a decision long ago that we'd prefer the disposable income, but definitely feel exactly as you've described when parents say their kids are at private school. I'd definitely send them if I was rolling in money, like a billionaire or something, not for the education as such, but for the nice surroundings and facilities.

And to the OP: a lot of people feel like her (including me), but most of us don't say anything. I think I'd give the friendship another go, but if the topic comes up again, you need to be much more robust in your response, and by that I mean shut her down by saying something like "It's the right thing for my child and I don't want to discuss it further". She is being rude.

I can't stand private education or what it stands for and although we could just about afford it we'd have a shit life so haven't sent my kids, alongside other reasons.

A lot of families I know locally who's kids are in private are either being paid for by grandparents or the families are gaming it. I'e living separately, child with parent on low income therefore getting full bursary.

A few of my friends from primary (state) then sent their kids to private secondary and expressed snobby ill informed views about the state secondary my kids go to. We've just had to agree to not talk about it, they were already established friendships and I don't want them to be affected. One friend was happy for her kids to go to state but her ex insisted on private and his mum was paying.

I'll be honest I'd probably struggle to make new friends if they sent DC to private as I do feel very strongly about it but I wouldn't be rude. She does sound like she's jealous.

However in my entire family I went to the shittest school and am the most qualified. So it doesn't always match up!

shes jealous, would like to send her kids there, can’t afford it so putting it down in her mind to manage the disappointment. Just tell her you’re not up for discussing schools and change the topic.

It’s sheer jealousy. She’ll be jealous of other things you do that she can’t do. Stay away

Another stealth boost private school post….can someone please make it stop! No one gives a flying f*.

I find that those who don’t believe in private education for moral reasons can usually deliver it in a measured way. They will probably not even mention it in these circumstances.

The ranters and ravers? They tend to be the jealous ones, threatened by someone else being in a position to send their children to private school.