Cocaine use

[Sandydune]

My daughter is 19 and currently at home having finished her first year at university.
Yesterday my husband found a small bag of mostly used cocaine in her trouser pocket when he put a wash on.
We have had a rocky relationship over the past few years and a number of issues relating to school and behaviour etc. However, she survived her year at uni, seemed to do ok and is now working full time over the summer.
She is completely minimising this - everyone does it, no-one else’s parents think it’s a big deal etc. I’m not naive and realised she may have tried but I always made it clear that I would not accept drugs in the house.
She does not see this as a problem so I doubt she could be encouraged to seek help. I wouldn’t be completely averse to calling the police, but not sure they woukd take it seriously or it would have any impact on her.
She has always been able to make me doubt myself as a parent. However, she stays here rent free, has use of a car, I’ve financially supported her through uni and keep trying to build a better relationship even though she can be quite rude and unkind.
YANBU - you should be asking her to find somewhere else to live and take away the car and uni support given her lack of respect.
YABU - she’s right. Most people her age do it and it’s not such a big deal.

I’d say not in my house, and she’d need to become more financially independent. But she is working and studying, so it could be worse.

Also this. Cocaine has a similar effect as stimulants on the adhd brain. It’s calming rather than an “upper”.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto I’ve done a lot of reading round but I’d never come across rejection sensitive dismorphia. The description is exactly like her. 💐

I’ve done a lot of reading round but I’d never come across rejection sensitive dismorphia. The description is exactly like her.

Pretty sure my M has it and my DD. Are you able to talk to her at all? Maybe somewhere neutral, if you take her out for a meal?

At least if you know about RSD you might have a better chance of dealing with her

Thank you @FlyingUnicornWings . Some helpful advice there. 💐

You’re welcome. The hardest age to parent. You’re transitioning from parent-child to an adult-adult relationship which is so unbelievably hard on many levels for you both. Go easy on yourself. Also I highly recommend Russel Barkley for adhd help if you haven’t found his stuff already.

What would concern me is that she had the bag of it on her - it isn’t just a case of her doing a line at a party because it’s there on offer. She’s potentially the one sourcing it and giving it out to others (and carrying it if she was searched by police!).

As a once semi ‘wild child’ who wasn’t particularly close with her mum, I would be hard enough on her that if she’s caught again, she’s out the house, no car etc. and mean it.

Pp saying she’s probably dealing because of the bag, would you have her buy it and just hold it in her hand until she wants to use it 😂

op cocaine can actually be calming for people with ADHD, maybe ask her how she feels with it? It can replicate adhd medication for some people, so maybe she’d just like to take more approved drugs that have less risks!

Anyone who forgets a baggy in their jeans does not have a problem. When the baggies are ripped open and licked clean it's a problem 😂

Also self medicating for ADHD is such a stretch - experimenting with drugs is a totally normal youthful experience. Maybe someone gave her a line and she put the bag in her pocket and forgot about it. If there aren't obvious signs of drug abuse (going missing for days, not going to work/school, losing weight, poor hygiene) I think it's safe to assume this is an exception.

I didn’t say/mean she was dealing. I meant there is a difference in doing an unplanned line on offer at a party Vs. she is potentially the one buying the coke and sharing it with others - that isn’t drug dealing, but it does carry more risk.