Has anyone else been referred to as they? (not by request)

[Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids]

I briefly met my partner with one of his male colleagues the other day. I have my hair in a bob which is just below the ears as trying to grow it out. I had a summery dress on, I don't wear make up really but I think my look is still fairly feminine, not that it should matter.
Anyway, I left and then the friend apparently started to ask questions about me, but referring to me always as 'they' never as her/she.
I'm not sure if this is something that certain people do nowadays in order to not cause any offence, or if I have a look that seemed to make him question.
It shouldn't matter, I am just intrigued as I've never experienced it before (to my knowledge)

Using "they" increases the chance of mis-gendering from 50% to 66%.

Surely the odds are much worse than that?

Only a tiny number of people are not obviously "he" or "she" and only a tiny number would prefer "they". So the chance goes up from, say, 5% to 95%?

I work very hard to refer to everyone as they/them now. Making a mistake on a persons preferred pronouns could be at best insulting and at worst, career suicide.

In that case you're "misgendering" just about everyone!

Not been referred to personally, but in my job I’ve seen colleagues get a bollocking for ‘misgendering’ our service users. Don’t agree with this but unless the person has specifically been referred to as he/she I find myself erring on the side of caution and using the odd they however I do try and use their name rather than he/she/they. A few years ago this would never have even entered my head - it’s shite.

It hasn’t happened to me personally but last year I booked a routine opticians appointment for DS. Throughout the whole booking conversation I referred to DS as he/his/him but the receptionist kept referring to him as they/their/them. In the end I did say DS identifies as a boy, the receptionist did stop but then kept referring to him by his name.
Luckily when we got to the appointment everything was fine and when I booked this year’s appointment it was back to he/his/him.

I got the feeling it was probably a load of company policy bollocks rather than the receptionist being like that. The receptionist was probably mid 40s.

Scousers do refer to family members as “me mum’” “me dad,” “me nan” etc and if we’re referring to a family member by name it’s “our Sarah/Lucy/John” etc and if it’s s sibling or cousin of a similar age then it’s “our kid”.

@Artycrafts , most definitely! Me mum/mam and dad, see also "our kid", any sibling of any age.

We referred to my mother as the old girl.....really pissed her off hehehe

I very much doubt that any of you look sufficiently androgynous to genuinely merit a "they". It's just silly people who think they are being progressive using an inappropriate pronoun.

I'd be pissed off if someone kept referring to me as "they" at work. I'm not a them. I'm a she.

THIS. And I am not a CIS female either. I AM A WOMAN.

Because my workplace ‘encourages’ pronouns in email signatures, we’re increasingly getting incoherent signaling such as Mrs AB, she/they. You’re a ‘Mrs’ and a they?

I find it interesting that you haven't answered my question.

Did your partner not refer to you as she? Or did the conversation not happen at all?

I think it is fairly normal, grammatically correct English

Not really. English employs sex based pronouns in the singular. "They" is typically used for plural.

I work very hard to refer to everyone as they/them now. Making a mistake on a persons preferred pronouns could be at best insulting and at worst, career suicide.

So you'd rather get it wrong almost all the time than get it wrong a tiny % of the time? I'd complain if you called me "they" unless i was standing with another person and you were referring to us both.

Contact an employment lawyer immediately if someone tries to tell your getting fired etc for making a simple unintentional gendering mistake.

The old girl..yeah, the good old days when you could talk like that without somebody taking offence!

I was waiting for a sandwich yesterday on one of the seats minding my own business.
A guy came in, looked at me (I'm pretty sure I present as a pretty obvious woman).
I said, "i'm not in the queue". He goes ok
Then he goes over to the counter, gesticulates towards me and says to the woman "have they been served".

Honestly speaking, I felt offended (which I recognise is me being offensive to people who present as they).
I kind of took it to mean that he wasn't sure that I was a woman.
But I guess this is what people do now so that they don't presume.
It still felt odd and I wanted to tell him that I was a woman.

I think this will happen more and more though so I best get used to it.

I noticed in both my teenage daughter's school reports this week that they were full of 'they' rather than 'she', and in places read like someone had used the 'Find and Replace' function on Word.
They are both definitely 'she's' and don't feel the need to publicly identify as such, but clearly the teachers are having to apply the principle of neutrality to every student, just in case.

I suspect that one is more a case of templated text they use for every child, so keep them gender neutral for ease...

“Has she been served?”sounds ruder though, I’m not sure why.

There was a saying in my family- “”She” is the cat’s mother”

Never knew what it meant, but it implied not to refer to women as “she”.

@christmaskraken, I doubt all was templated text, there was also a good amount of specific and personal information.

I know of some people (ok, 1 person particularly) who refers to EVERYONE as 'they' until they know otherwise.

Because apparently she (I think I'm ok saying that?!) doesn't want to assume gender.

It's. Fucking. Mental.

I don't think this conversation ever happened. OP never confirmed a simple, logical question about how her partner referred to her once the colleague used 'they'.

But it created a bit of a froth though wink

It’s been used as a singular pronoun in English since the 1300s.

Yes, but only in situations where you're referring to a hypothetical person or generalising about an unidentified person who therefore might be male or female - e.g. Parents - if your child is going on the trip, please provide them with a packed lunch'.

The ridiculous habit of referring to someone as 'they' because you're pretending you don't know what sex they are us just that... ridiculous. And yes, it's a young person thing. Don't worry - it will go out of fashion.