Has anyone else been referred to as they? (not by request)

[Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids]

I briefly met my partner with one of his male colleagues the other day. I have my hair in a bob which is just below the ears as trying to grow it out. I had a summery dress on, I don't wear make up really but I think my look is still fairly feminine, not that it should matter.
Anyway, I left and then the friend apparently started to ask questions about me, but referring to me always as 'they' never as her/she.
I'm not sure if this is something that certain people do nowadays in order to not cause any offence, or if I have a look that seemed to make him question.
It shouldn't matter, I am just intrigued as I've never experienced it before (to my knowledge)

Even among friends, I'm the only one who has shorter than shoulder length hair.
Remember the short hair thread on here this week? 'short hair makes women look older/most people don't suit short hair'.
I know a couple of colleagues with short hair, but long is predominantly what they have.

I'm 50 and I use 'they' all the time, it's nothing to do with preferred pronouns, it's just the way I've always spoken.

However, I can see why the younger ones might have adopted it as a way of speaking if that's not their natural way, I mean, look at what can happen if you accidentally misgender the wrong person - boom!

op - look around your local town
school gate
colleagues

There will be a huge variation of hair lengths.

unless you’re 14

I'd say more younger women - under 35 - have long hair although with some it's extensions. Every single woman in the Love Island villa has long hair. Very rare that a short haired woman comes in.

Nevertheless, I would say those without extensions who have longer hair - it's often not very long ... shoulder length or slightly longer ... In my adult DCs group of friends - they probably have about 40 friends between them (30 female,) from college uni work school etc etc, and at least 25 of the young women have got long hair - four or five inches below the shoulders or longer ...

But yeah as @Kimchikitchen Kimmy said - on the whole it is a bit of a mix. I think women middle aged and older are more likely to have hair a bit shorter (on the shoulders or slightly shorter.) Not all but many.

Is this a partner problem, op?
Why is he yelling you this?

It's nothing to do with your femininity. He would have done it whether you looked like Barbie or Rambo. It's a way of imposing preferred pronouns on people whether they want it or not. Quite passive/aggressive really.

If you had announced your pronouns when you were introduced he would have called you she. But you didn't, so he will call you they until told otherwise. If it bothers you you will have to engage with the nonsense - wear a badge or introduce yourself as 'Hi I'm Iwishicouldbelikethecookids, pronouns she/her. Pleased to meet you.'

Yes,by a teen working behind the till in Millets. I corrected him pretty sharpish.

Sounds like he's drunk the gender KoolAid.

It shows you how regressive and damaging gender ideology is that if you don't conform to traditional female/male stereotypes people start questioning your identity.

In my job I spend quite some time summarising previous correspondence and the new “they” fashion is quite handy when someone signs themselves Initial Surname or when the name is foreign and Im unsure if its male or female

I left and then the friend apparently started to ask questions about me, but referring to me always as 'they'

Why did your partner think this was something to mention to you?

I do sometimes over email at work but I have a unisex name so I don't take offence.

You’ve literally been misgendered😂
Surely your DP should have educated his colleague and pointed out that you were a ‘she’ every time he said ‘they’? Do you think this could be classed as a hate crime?

'They' is plural, the OP is not multiple people.

Look at Shakespeare. Even he used singular they.

It's not a new thing.

It’s been used as a singular pronoun in English since the 1300s.

I honestly couldn’t care less if someone referred to me as ‘they’ whether I was there or not - but I would wonder why I was getting told about it after the fact. If it was my DP I’d expect them to correct their friend themself at the time, not dripfeed it back to me - what purpose does that serve?

but it also serves if sex is unclear - I don't have any issue with people using "they"

How did he even manage to use pronouns about you in a face-to-face conversation at the till, though? (I’m not casting doubt, but genuinely curious)

They is useful for emails etc, particularly if someone has a name that could be male or female. For instance, I've known of someone called Alex in my workplace for a while, we are all remote. I'd aways assumed Alex was a man, no idea why. I had a call with her earlier this week. I went back through old emails and thankfully I hadn't said anything that implied I thought she was male.

If I was standing in front of someone and they were referring to me as "they" when they can clearly see I'm a woman, I'd just think they were a pinecone. I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think think them odd.

It serves if sex is unclear like when you refer to a doctor or police officer etc. Eg "How did you get on with the doctor? What did they say?"

In this case, @Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids was there! It's bloody obvious she's a woman. The dude bro was making a point. What a bore.

Op it's not you. It's about him. You like how you look. Your partner does too. Forget it.

It's sad that it made me wonder whether I look less feminine. Why should I care what some random young bloke thinks? Why does feminine need to be long swishy hair anyway?

He was dealing with an exchange and had to call the manager over, he kept referring to me as they as explained what was happening. It wasn't a quick singular they either ,it was repeated, definite wokery nonsense.

You could also think of it as "why do I care about looking feminine"?

There's quite a lot to think about really isn't there?

If you are this bothered by it, I'm guessing that you have some underlying insecurities that you may need/like to address. (I mean that in a kind way, I'm not having a dig, we all have our insecurities)

You are a woman. You know you are, you don't need to be validated by random men.

I'm not sure how I would know - if I'm being referred to in the third person, most of the time I'm not around to hear it.

Wouldn't bother me though.

If that colleague is so "switched on" then surely he should have checked with you or your partner your pronouns first, rather than presume that you use "they".
In your partner's shoes I would have told him "dude, she is a she, not a they"

Is it bollocks.