Has anyone else been referred to as they? (not by request)

[Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids]

I briefly met my partner with one of his male colleagues the other day. I have my hair in a bob which is just below the ears as trying to grow it out. I had a summery dress on, I don't wear make up really but I think my look is still fairly feminine, not that it should matter.
Anyway, I left and then the friend apparently started to ask questions about me, but referring to me always as 'they' never as her/she.
I'm not sure if this is something that certain people do nowadays in order to not cause any offence, or if I have a look that seemed to make him question.
It shouldn't matter, I am just intrigued as I've never experienced it before (to my knowledge)

My dd gets this, older teen. Doesn't wear make up and had short hair so everyone in Bodyshop and Lush insist on loudly calling her they, then internally patting themselves on the back for being openly woke. Pisses me off, stop using my dd as a mast to fly your virtue signalling flag.

I think it is fine to use in the case of genuine uncertainty - it is a but stupid if someone is clearly male or female, but less offensive than this asking someone their pronouns crap

Exactly. Genuine uncertainty/unknowingness is when it's used, not when referring to a specific known person of known sex (despite all the "shakespeare/Chaucer/13th century" nonsense people pretend to believe is relevant).

Surely even if he was knee-deep in gender woo, he should follow your partner's lead and refer to you as she/her. Why keep insisting on using "they" if your partner was saying "she works at ..."?

Agree 100%. I am not a fucking THEY, I am a SHE, a HER, a WOMAN. I would give anyone a short shrift who called me a THEY.

Yes , quite!

Best way to deal is to laugh / ridicule

I wouldn’t want to waste my breath if I got a whiff of this nonsense. Thankfully never happened and long may that last

ok so first of all - this is unlikely to have anything to do with your bloomin hair length and everything to do with either

a) this mid twenties individual being very “on it” when it comes to nonsense like this
or
b) once again your partner is shit stirring given what he told you about the friend enquiring about your family, leading you to believe she was being bitchy!

* I went to the toilet she started asking him what my family were like. I thought that was quite bitchy and gossipy.*

goodness you’re a sensitive wee soul op

No it's not!

Since when was 'they' a third person singular pronoun? Or have 'they' rewritten the English grammar rules?

but as I keep saying it serves perfectly well when sex is genuinely unclear. I wouldn't mind being called "they" if someone has seen me in the distance and didn't know what sex I was

Yep. Never happened to me either - thankfully. I think it's so bizarre to do this. As you say, it's largely the less than 35 y.o. age group.

So what, even after your partner replied using your correct pronouns? I'd assume a conversation would have gone something like:

Person: so what do they do for work?
Partner: she's in finance

If they continued to speak with 'they', then maybe it's just the way they speak?

How do they speak of other people to your partner?

Presumably because it was noticeable, felt weird and therefore was something someone might tell their partner? In the same way that if my dh was speaking to someone and they kept doing something odd, he might mention it to me later "when I was talking to Dave, he kept pronouncing 'scone' like it rhymed with bone, it was so odd". Not sure why there is an implication from several PPs that her partner is somehow wrong to mention it at all?

It's quite rude to tell someone they're sensitive for daring to dislike something you aren't bothered by.

How old are you op?

Standard stupidity in my workplace, sadly.

This is true.
Completely the other person's issue.
Just ignore it op.

Nonsense

Not bollocks I'm from the North East and up until recently I didn't realise I sometimes (not always) refer to people.of either sex as they. Eg, Where's David? I think they've to the shop. Literally hadn't occurred to me until all.of this pronoun nonsense. I don't do it deliberately and I'm not even sure If it's a northern thing? it's just natural to me 🤷

Fucking hell, I'm clearly offending a lot of people with my innocent use of they. Although, how would they know? I only refer to people as they when they're not there. And as I said above , it's not consistent.

Only on Mnet and despite saying that I am "she".

I use 'they' at work when I don't know someone and can't tell by their name if they are m/f.
@Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids did your partner correct them? If they (lol) didn't then the other person will just think it's acceptable.

Isn’t ‘they’ usually used for non-binary?? So isn’t this classed as being ‘mid-gendered’ ? Playing devil’s advocate here.
I must admit I was quite pleased when I watched my GP fill out a form for me to have a blood test the other day and just wrote ‘female’ in the gender box, without checking first.

I'm not sure if this is something that certain people do nowadays in order to not cause any offence, or if I have a look that seemed to make him question.

Few years ago DH said it was an odd thing but even when he talked about his wife or introduced me as such - the response was always to refer to me as his DP. He could understand them not assuming but they then persisted and didn't talked the cue from his speech that wife/husband were terms we were happy with.

Then I remember an acquaintance who's foster son was in hospital - everyone asked about her son and she'd correct to foster son which some felt odd response - but everyone said it felt somehow rude to ask about her foster son rather than son though her speech was making it clear that's what she'd prefer.

The occasional they for an individual did used to happen speech but modern day them/they seem more forced and unnatural - these days though DH who works with teen/20 year old say everyone tries to use names and avoid pronouns like the plague.