Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Child suffered poorly at school and not sent home

70 replies

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:32

So I would like some advice how to approach this.

DS aged 5 had a temp last night and didn't sleep well. Felt unwell etc. Was ok when awoke though less hyper than normal, but felt better. On route to school DS complains tummy is hurting.
We arrive at the school and go the gate where teacher is waiting. I explain situation and say I'm actually feeling I should take DS home for the day. DS asks to go home. Teacher suggests child go in and see how he does. I say to DS he can come home with me if he feels bad, but then he chooses to go in as he was encouraged by the teacher. I say to teacher if he is not normal to call me and I will collect as I am worried he's not right.

I call the school at 10am to check on DS and am told he is absolutely fine and feeling better.

On pickup later DS breaks into tears upon seeing me and has a complete meltdown that he has had a horrible day and felt awful all day. As soon as he gets home he has terrible diarrhea and has been fast asleep since. He is definitely NOT ok.

I'm angry at myself for not listening to my gut and not taking him home this morning, but also very angry that the school said he was fine when he clearly wasn't. I know schools have a pressure in regards to attendance figures and feel my son's welfare has fallen foul of this. I feel so guilty for him going into school, but also feel that the school should have noticed he was suffering and sent him home. Especially as I flagged that I was concerned about him.

AIBU? And if I should say something to the school, please advise how I approach?

OP posts:

Tiredforfive45 · 13/07/2023 20:36

Look after your little one, lay your mum guilt aside and stop trying to place blame with school.

Kids often present as being fine at school. Just because he has told you he feels
awful doesn’t mean he wasn’t still
doing his work, playing with his friends and appearing fine.

There is nothing to gain from playing the blame game here. Just focus on DS.

Clymene · 13/07/2023 20:40

They are not you, they have 30 kids to look after. Unless your son was puking or complained, then they wouldn't have called you. They can't keep checking on him like you do.

Nothing terrible has happened. He was at school feeling a bit ropey and he's tired and it's the end of term. He can stay off tomorrow and I'm sure he'll be better by Monday.

switswoo81 · 13/07/2023 20:41

I absolutely hate when parents send a child in saying tell the teacher if you not well.
Your always wrong if you send them home or not. "Oh they were fine when they came home bouncing around" as if you wanted to get rid of them.
Also it can be hard to notice if they not feeling well if they don't tell you.. yes some will put their heads on the desk but lots won't.

You are the parent you make the decision you had all the facts regarding how he felt the night before not the teacher.

MissAtomicBomb1 · 13/07/2023 20:41

YABU
For all you know he could have been fine outwardly at school then gone downhill towards the end of the day.
If he was that poorly this morning you wouldn't have taken him.
You are being unfair.

BLT24 · 13/07/2023 20:41

Ask him if he told his teacher he was feeling unwell. If he did and they ignored it or encouraged him to stay after the conversation you’d already had id speak to the school and explain you’re unhappy. Might put them off doing it again. However next time just keep him off if it’s genuine. I would be absolutely livid in this situation if they made him stay at school.

CoachBeardsJane · 13/07/2023 20:43

You are so unreasonable. You chose to leave him at school

Peacoffee · 13/07/2023 20:44

Did he ask to go home or tell them how he felt?
If not I don’t think you can blame the school for anything so what do you need to speak to them about? You were already at the school gate, it’s not totally unreasonable for the teacher to suggest seeing how the morning went.

Original poster

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:48

When he was crying after school I asked him why he didn't tell the teachers how he felt so I could come and collect him, and he said he did tell them lots but they wouldn't call me. That's why I'm angry.. as I specifically said I would collect him if he wanted to come home. Sorry if that wasn't clear in my op.

OP posts:

Original poster

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:49

For those saying I left him at school, I wanted him to go home and was explaining that to the teacher who encouraged him in.

OP posts:

BLT24 · 13/07/2023 20:50

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:48

Id be fuming 😤

RebelR · 13/07/2023 20:51

You weren't sure enough to make the call yourself so how were they supposed to when he's one of 30?

It's not the end of the world that he was in class not feeling 100% for one day.

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2023 20:51

He was probably just quiet in school. Unless he was visibly ill then no they wouldn't call you. U made the choice to send him after a temp, bad night's sleep and stomach ache in the morning.

BLT24 · 13/07/2023 20:53

You have a right to be contacted if your child tells a teacher they are feeling unwell. Regardless of what happening that morning, if he suddenly felt unwell during any day at school you should be contacted and the decision regarding whether to keep him at school or not should be yours.

cheeriobonio · 13/07/2023 20:54

We aren't actually allowed to take kids in to school within 24 hours of them having had a temperature. Hope your DS feels better soon.

switswoo81 · 13/07/2023 20:55

By bringing him to the school gate no teacher was going to say take him home. You put her in a position to make a decision you were unwilling to make.
It was your decision to send him in no one elses,

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/07/2023 20:57

You choose to listen when they took him in. It was your decision.
Why are you blaming the school?

BLT24 · 13/07/2023 21:02

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/07/2023 20:57

You choose to listen when they took him in. It was your decision.
Why are you blaming the school?

She directly asked the teacher to get the school contact her if he still felt unwell and no one did. On top of this they lied when she called them.

Lolacat1234 · 13/07/2023 21:02

I've done it before - sent DS in when he was 6 or so looking a bit peaky and having not eaten breakfast - got a call an hour or so later saying he'd been sick everywhere. It happens, hindsight is wonderful. Don't feel guilty.

Snugglemonkey · 13/07/2023 21:07

Those is really tricky as small children can feel worse so quickly and they often think in absolutes. So pinning down the precise story is v unlikely. However, I donthonk it best to err on staying at home if they are not themselves they might not speak up, or a teacher might minimise and silence them, or just lots of things really. If I am not happy they will be OK all day,they do not go.

cansu · 13/07/2023 21:15

Chances are he was OK until he saw you. I have watched kids laugh and fool around on way out of school who immediately turn on the crying and sad facetted minute they see their parents. Think about it this way. Why would staff tell you he was fine if he had been crying all day? There is no reason for them to do this. He obviously did get on with his day.

cadburyegg · 13/07/2023 21:18

You're the parent, and you need to own the decision to send your DS in, you could have just turned around and gone home, or told them that he was unwell and wouldn't be coming in.

I have been in similar situations and dithered about whether or not to send my dc in. Sometimes I've made the right call, and other times I've realised after school I should have kept them at home. It's not the school's fault. They have many kids to look after and unless a child is visibly unwell or tells someone they feel ill, staff won't send home.

danro · 13/07/2023 21:23

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:49

For those saying I left him at school, I wanted him to go home and was explaining that to the teacher who encouraged him in.

You’re the parent! Teachers aren’t medically trained, if you felt your child was unwell you should have taken him home. He is YOUR child and it is your decision. Stop blaming the teacher and school.

Dinopawus · 13/07/2023 21:25

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Your Kids are hard to assess, especially when they have tummy ache and I say that as an experienced nurse.

Sometimes you will send them in when you perhaps shouldn't, and sometimes you'll err on the side of caution and they will will be bouncing up and down with gusto 10 minutes after you put the phone down.

But. Don't blame the school for this. You know your child best. Just accept that on this occasion your judgement was off and don't beat yourself up.

Sugargliderwombat · 13/07/2023 21:25

It always amazes me when parents dither because they aren't sure....but when teachers aren't sure then they should be complained about ?! You didn't know and obviously neither did she !

Sugargliderwombat · 13/07/2023 21:28

Champagneponies · 13/07/2023 20:49

For those saying I left him at school, I wanted him to go home and was explaining that to the teacher who encouraged him in.

Why on earth were you talking to her just to take him home? She obviously thought you wanted some help getting him in...

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread