Child suffered poorly at school and not sent home

[Champagneponies]

So I would like some advice how to approach this.

DS aged 5 had a temp last night and didn't sleep well. Felt unwell etc. Was ok when awoke though less hyper than normal, but felt better. On route to school DS complains tummy is hurting.
We arrive at the school and go the gate where teacher is waiting. I explain situation and say I'm actually feeling I should take DS home for the day. DS asks to go home. Teacher suggests child go in and see how he does. I say to DS he can come home with me if he feels bad, but then he chooses to go in as he was encouraged by the teacher. I say to teacher if he is not normal to call me and I will collect as I am worried he's not right.

I call the school at 10am to check on DS and am told he is absolutely fine and feeling better.

On pickup later DS breaks into tears upon seeing me and has a complete meltdown that he has had a horrible day and felt awful all day. As soon as he gets home he has terrible diarrhea and has been fast asleep since. He is definitely NOT ok.

I'm angry at myself for not listening to my gut and not taking him home this morning, but also very angry that the school said he was fine when he clearly wasn't. I know schools have a pressure in regards to attendance figures and feel my son's welfare has fallen foul of this. I feel so guilty for him going into school, but also feel that the school should have noticed he was suffering and sent him home. Especially as I flagged that I was concerned about him.

AIBU? And if I should say something to the school, please advise how I approach?

@Sugargliderwombat

She told the teacher to ring her if he told her he felt ill and wanted to go home. That is what OP's son did. What did the teacher have to dither about?

I can't get beyond why you didn't turn around and go home as soon as he said his tummy was hurting as you already knew he had been unwell and not slept properly.

I wouldn't have been happy if ds was that unwell at school and they didn't call. However if ds had a rough night and started complaining of a stomach ache on the way to school I would've just turned round and took him home. Poor judgement by both yourself and his teacher.

You shouldn’t have sent him in if he had a temperature the night before. End of.

I don't think a child with a high temperature overnight should go to school if they then get upset or start complaining of pain I'd make the decision not to send them in. Teachers will assume child is okay as you took them.

Take some bloody responsibility. It’s not the teachers choice whether you child is in school, it’s yours! You could have just said your child was unwell and taken them home. Such an odd excuse to blame the teacher!

But parents are told to dose their kids up and send them in if they’re ill. All the time because attendance is more important than anything else it seems.

The amount of times I’ve phoned the office and they’ve told me to give calpol and send poorly Dd in! Madness.

I’d be angry op. And next time just keep him off.

If you thought he was ill you should have kept him at home. You can't expect a teacher with 30 children to make a better decision than you did on less information.

Plenty of parents say 'ring me if still not alright' as a way of passing the buck. Then get very angry when you do actually ring if they haven't literally thrown up and some even if they have.

Plenty of kids will play up to the option of being ill because they just want to go home. This one I even did myself as a child.

Some kids seem obviously ill. Some don't. Some will be bouncing around one minute but then feel really ill the next, 5 minutes later bouncing again.

Not to mention it's been very warm so probably wasn't the only child saying they felt ill or headachy.

The point is, without anything obvious, how is a teacher supposed to know who is actual ill and who just needs to sit down for 5 minutes?

What is the correct course of action when some parents will be cross if they are called and some cross if they aren't.

Next time just keep in mind that if he isn't obviously ill, they'll keep him at school.

YABVU

Your child had a temp overnight. You sent him in. Your choice.

I am a TA. Kids will frequently tell is that mum has told them to "go to the office" if they feel ill during the day. We always ask if they felt ill that morning. The answer is often "yes" and they've had Calpol but they've been sent in anyway with the "go to the office" caveat. 🙄

To you, and the others who were so quick to jump on her, she did make the decision. The teacher undermined her. This is on her.

None of this happened.

I wouldn’t have sent a 5yo who’d had a temperature and didn’t sleep well to school anyway. He obviously wasn’t himself this morning if he was “less hyper than usual”.

When I worked as a nursery supervisor it used to really annoy me when parents told me that their child had been unwell the night before so could we keep a closer eye on them and contact them if they went down hill. Yoir know they’re unwell, so keep them at home.

I’m a teacher and can say that this genuinely has happened at least 15 times this year in my class! I do normally just leave it until break/lunch and see if the fresh air does them good and 90% of the time they perk up and are fine then.

If she had made the decision why was she at the school gate speaking to a teacher.
And a teacher can undermine all she wants you are the parent the teacher didn't pick him up and carry him into school she sent him to school, the decision lies with her.

The op is not being jumped on she started the thread questioning the teachers decision when she didn't make one herself with the full facts of the situation.

You should have kept him at home. Don’t blame the school. They can’t constantly monitor the health of 100+ children. Your fault, not the school.

Schools do have a duty of care but they are not parents PA's, if a child is sick the parents keep them home if OK to send and it doesn't work out fine but don't blame the school

She was clearly making up her mind as she went in.
He was not 'sent in'. That's not how it happened

You were unreasonable to send your child in originally, if you can’t decide why should the teacher.
I work in a school and had this conversation today how it’s always our fault. If we don’t send them home it’s our fault if we do send them home it’s our fault.
literally can’t win.
complain if you want but you’ll get the reputation as THAT parent. it won’t change what’s happened. Next time don’t send them in.

And FWIW I'm usually on the side of the teacher

This is because schools now send quite frightening threatening letters if a child is off sick fow a few days, so parents are scared not to send them in.

You aren't being at all unreasonable and it's appalling that the school did this.

The same has happened to my DC on three occasions: he's been feeling a bit sick, but as that could be anxiety, migraine or other things I've told him to tell the teacher if he's still feeling unwell by lunchtime. I've informed the school office and teacher on the gate and asked them to call me if he says he's unwell...

then he's come home in tears and ill, saying that each time he told the teachers he was told they'd come back and check on him in a bit, but they didn't come back.

To be honest you thought he was well enough to take him in the first place. You can’t blame the school for following your lead. Next time keep him off if you feel he is too unwell to attend.

How to approach it? Look after your child until he’s better, then send him back to school. Don’t take him in next time he’s ill. Hth.

At our primary school at least, there is no way you can keep your child off school more than two or three days without getting letters threatening official meetings about attendance. There's immense pressure to send your children in no matter what.

Many years I was teaching a class of 8 year olds. When the children were coming in, a mother told me her daughter had had diarrhoea, "But she was already in her uniform so I brought her in."
I told the mother that if her daughter didn't feel well, she'd be better off at home. She took her home. The head agreed I was right.