Child suffered poorly at school and not sent home

[Champagneponies]

So I would like some advice how to approach this.

DS aged 5 had a temp last night and didn't sleep well. Felt unwell etc. Was ok when awoke though less hyper than normal, but felt better. On route to school DS complains tummy is hurting.
We arrive at the school and go the gate where teacher is waiting. I explain situation and say I'm actually feeling I should take DS home for the day. DS asks to go home. Teacher suggests child go in and see how he does. I say to DS he can come home with me if he feels bad, but then he chooses to go in as he was encouraged by the teacher. I say to teacher if he is not normal to call me and I will collect as I am worried he's not right.

I call the school at 10am to check on DS and am told he is absolutely fine and feeling better.

On pickup later DS breaks into tears upon seeing me and has a complete meltdown that he has had a horrible day and felt awful all day. As soon as he gets home he has terrible diarrhea and has been fast asleep since. He is definitely NOT ok.

I'm angry at myself for not listening to my gut and not taking him home this morning, but also very angry that the school said he was fine when he clearly wasn't. I know schools have a pressure in regards to attendance figures and feel my son's welfare has fallen foul of this. I feel so guilty for him going into school, but also feel that the school should have noticed he was suffering and sent him home. Especially as I flagged that I was concerned about him.

AIBU? And if I should say something to the school, please advise how I approach?

A tummy ache on the way to school is how anxiety often presents.

I have a class of year 3s. If I sent children home every time they felt a bit ill or 'twisted' their ankle I would be teaching five kids. They always want to sit on a chair because of a bruise on their leg which you can see from the colour is old and not serious. I'm sounding really unsympathetic and I'm far from it, it's just to give you the context.

You really shouldn't have sent a child in who had had a temperature overnight. If a parent says that they are feeling a bit under the weather then we do try to jolly the child along as nearly any kid will immediately say that they feel unwell and need to go home as soon as they think that is an option.

You put the teacher in a really unfair position. Either your child was ok to go in or wasn't. You made the decision because you brought them to the school. A teacher wouldn't be allowed to tell you to take them home unless you said they had been sick or something else that broke the 24/48 hour rule.

I'd have taken him home when he started complaining of stomach pain, given that he'd had a fever and felt unwell overnight.

But since he went in, if it's true that he told the teacher he wasn't well, but they wouldn't call you, then I don't think that's ok either.

Mountainpicka, that reminds of a time, when I had to go to a parents local business, to tell them they needed to attend to their child immediately. They had the worse case of conjunctivitis I have ever seen. It had spread all over the poor kids orifices (and friend we soon discovered).

why do you think they would deliberately keep him if he said or looked unwell? And why would they have lied to you? There is no reason at all. From one minute after lunch he could have been taken home without affecting the attendance statistics. If the staff say he was fine at school, then he was fine at school. If he wasn't. they had every reason to want him removed ASAP - not least because they are about to embark on their annual holidays themselves - any disease ridden child to be given as wide a berth as possible!

Does anxiety also cause a temperature the night before? No. OP knew the kid was ill but palmed them off at school anyway

My daughter said she had a stomach ache once and I still took her in. Poor thing actually ended up pooing herself, all over her school dress. She wouldn't tell anyone and no one noticed so she was like that all day.

It’s entirely possible that the teacher had just witnessed the child running around at playtime and presumed they didn’t feel too bad.

It’s a nightmare when parents tell this to teachers in front of the children. Sometimes you can get a child telling you they don’t feel well and you strongly suspect they just want to go home.

Or you send them home and the parents complain the next day that they were fine. It’s really tricky.

Sorry but I do not feel that you are right to blame the school here. He had a temperature the evening before and he complained of stomach pains on the way in. You still took him. That’s fine- we all sometimes decide they might be fine and get it wrong, however it doesn’t sit right with me that you want to put blame the school.

You are the parent and needed to make the decision about whether he was well or not - that isn’t up to the teacher. Often when parents do this and involve the teacher, it’s because they feel the child is actually fine to be there, but would like help from the teacher to encourage them in.

Obviously I have no idea what your school’s sickness policy is, but many primaries say not to take children into school until they are 24hours clear of a temperature which feels reasonable as it ensures they are well enough to be there and not spreading illness.

i hope your child is feeling better soon and it passes quickly.

I wouldn't have taken him at all, never mind dithering at the gate.

The teacher was trying to back you up. She obviously thought there wasn't much wrong with your child or you wouldn't have brought him in.

You made a bad call. Don't blame the teacher.

I despair. Why do some parents automatically assume that teachers are so awful?! ‘lied’?! Have you looked after 30 children at one time?

As others have said, the parent wasn’t able to make the call that he was too ill to go in despite knowing he had a temp/he didn’t sleep well (a sign of being ill) and he complained of tummy pains that morning. A teacher/school would be getting on with so many things in that 1-1.5 hrs that they wouldn’t be able to focus on him the whole time and even if they really tried, It’s likely he calmed down and got on with his friends and looked fine. Or if he did complain to start with, they would try to jolly him on for a bit because Mum had only just left him and had decided he was well enough to stay, otherwise she would have taken him home.

They would have said he was fine because they believed he was. They wouldn’t be lying!!!! 😩

You’re correct I assumed they lied, they could have lied but it’s a possibility rather than a fact.

I don’t think what the teacher did in the morning is wrong. I think what is wrong is if the child told the teacher they felt unwell (which the OP says they did) and the teacher has already had a conversation with their parent that morning they should have contacted the parent.

You should but have sent her to school. It's neither an infirmary nor a babysitting service. Do better .

YANBU, poor kid.

My son conceals illness and injury too. Schools rely on kids to speak up when they’re feeling ill or get hurt but some don’t.

I am also a teacher and every single day , a child is sent in sick , for babysitting reasons. I ring home immediately and 9 out if 10 times, am verbally abused citing child minding issues .

He shouldn't have gone into school at all. You knew he wasn't very well.

If I judged my child well enough to be in school I wouldn't expect school to ring me unless they deteriorated. If your dc was in the same state all day as when you dropped him off, then why on earth would the teacher call you to collect them. You judged them fit to be there , the responsibility is yours and no one else's.

Absolutely this.
you knew he was unwell and still sent him.

Look after your child and stop blaming his teachers. I bet they are loving you potentially spreading a big around this close to the end of term.

Please don't assume this is the truth. I've had kids say similar about me /my support staff and on checking with staff, they really haven't said anything to anyone, or maybe have said once they felt unwell. Ask the school and uf they say he did mention it, then say you would have preferred yo have been called especially after the conversation with the class teacher.
Our ds34 when he was in y1, fell in the playground after lunch and hurt his hand . He told his teacher, she checked it , he could move it etc said she thought he'd be ok. When my dm picked him up it was obviously damaged and swollen but he hadn't gone back to the teacher. Took him to a&e and following day was in for an op under general anaesthetic yo fix broken/displaced finger. School very apologetic, teacher mortified however I knew that if a kid didn't come back and tell me.it was still hurting i probably wouldn't have checked them later because you're so busy. I did change my own 'procedures' though and would say to the kids ' if you still feel sick/poorly/it still hurts then come back and tell me '.