To feel absolutely mortified

[IsThisIt1233]

Had a pop up shop today at my child’s school where you can try on uniform etc. Well both my kids decided today they would embarrass me and start running around and being silly. It was so stressful as I was getting judging looks from the other mums and I was getting really anxious and stressed, I tried talking and reasoning and even (quietly) threatening my kids there would be no treats and screen time but nothing worked. All the other kids were with their families behaving impeccably.

I feel like such a loser. I’m a single parent even though I have a husband (whole different thread). The most embarrassing part was that for a moment they both were calm so I saw a sales assistant and asked if we can have size up to try on when another parent (who I obviously didn’t see) started shouting that the sales assistant is helping her, I feel like such a loser as other parents heard her and were looking at me. I must have looked a right state.

I broke down in tears in the car (never once have I cried infront of my kids and don’t again). My kids were laughing as I was crying! Don’t know how to even react to that. I feel like a complete mess I can’t cope.

my kids are 4 and 8

im going to state the obvious. Being a parent (especially if you’re doing it alone) is the hardest job in the world OP. Some people, mostly men, climb Mount Everest when they want a challenge, you ‘climb’ Mount Everest everyday looking after young children in one way or another. You said you have CPTSD so you are already stressed before adding two lively children. As someone else said, don’t be hard on yourself, instead take care of yourself.

1. Don't worry...kids all have their wild moments. It's hot and they were bored.
2. Other mothers who judge you are really tedious types who you won't want to know anyway
3. The other mother was REALLY RUDE and I bloody judge her for that. It is easy to not realise a shop assistant is with another customer. No need to be aggressive. She could have been calmly assertive.

But her shouting reflects way more on her than on you! I'm not sure why you are mortified by that. She was probably having a bad day.

Don't worry; we all have those days.

My friend had taken her dd to buy her first secondary uniform. DD very nervous, and when they got into the shop suddenly froze and refused to try anything on.
Friend whispered to her that if she'd try the skirt on (she reckoned anything else would cope without being tried on) then they'd get McDs on the way home.
Her dd agreed, went into the changing room (alone) then burst into tears and between gasps sobbed that the skirt was too big.
My friend put her head round the curtain to try and calm her down and her dd sobbed out loud enough for the whole shop to hear; "please don't hit me again, please...."
My friend has never hit her.

Her dd's now an adult and has no idea why she said that.

If it happens again, just abandon the mission. I’ve got a two and a four year old and once they’ve lost the plot, that’s it. No point in stressing yourself out about things because the woman who spoke sharply probably hasn’t had a single thought about it since.

Deep breaths and shoulders back as you march out next time. Let it go now. x

I imagine the other parents are probably all thinking the terse and many one was a prat not you.

Pour yourself a glass of wine later, have a bubble bath and a good snigger to yourself about the silly moo.

Everyone else will be more than wrapped up in their own stuff.

Christ it happens to us all. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Next time abandon mission, and tell the kids there going straight home to bed.

I bet the other mums were thinking horrible woman, at the woman who shouted at you. I would have. Xx

To add, my daughter loves to embarrass me. She told the whose of Boots very loudly that I had my period and the optician that I fancied him. I just shrug it off am so used to it now xx

Oh, bless you. I'm a mega-overthinker and I would have been upset too. I can guarantee, though, that every single one of those mothers will have been embarrassed by their kids' behaviour at least once, and most will just have thought 'There but for the grace of God....' Sometimes kids, especially siblings, feed off each other's misbehaviour and just get beyond themselves. Unless you screeched and swore and smacked them, you have nothing to feel mortified about - you did your best to calm them down, and in your flustered state you accidentally missed that the sales assistant was serving someone else. There was no malice in that, and the other mum was probably stressed as well and over-reacted because she was desperate to get out of there before her kids started kicking off.

This helps me: think about a time when you've been embarrassed. If you're anything like me, you'll have loads. Now, think about a time when someone else was embarrassed. You'll probably struggle to remember any, which shows that other people don't remember these situations anywhere near as vividly as you do. The other mums will probably have forgotten all about it by now. Be kind to yourself and try to do the same - distract yourself every time the memory arises, make the colours and sounds of it dimmer and further away, and it will eventually lose its power.

(I would be having words with a child who laughed at me crying, though).

Ahhh OP, you were overstimulated. Kids being naughty, crowds, a parent being rude = one stressed mum. You’re normal! Don’t worry! & I agree crying in front of your kids is teaching them emotions are normal and it’s ok. I was at a uniform pop up yesterday and picked up a pair of shorts off a random pile to look at, another mum said ‘errr… they’re mine.’ 😂 bit embarrassing.. and my kids were not angels that day either. Have a glass of wine and tell your kids you were really upset with their behaviour today and when they’re upset they wouldn’t like it if you laughed at them so show you some respect and don’t do it again. And then have another wine and forget all about it ❤️

Be kind to yourself OP. Your children were behaving appallingly (both old enough to know better) and you felt embarrassed and stressed.
Take both home, no privileges for the rest of the day, and an age appropriate consequence for their bad behaviour (missed party/activity at the weekend, extra chores if they do them etc). And they need to apologise to you.

Ah OP we've all been there. End of term-itis along with humid weather, end of a long day at school and just general hysteria. I've had to carry mine out of places like that under my arm before like rolled up carpets 🤣 it's embarrassing because all you can see at that point are well behaved children around you.

The other woman sounds unpleasant, although she may have also been feeling frazzled I'm sure nobody was judging you in that situation ❤️

I agree with this.
You said you’ve never cried in front of your kids before.
I can imagine that seeing you cry surprised them and possibly also freaked them out a bit and they didn’t know how to react.
Please don’t give yourself a hard time.
As someone else said, it’s okay to occasionally cry in front of your children. It shows them that parents have feelings too 🙂

After school kids are tired by this time in the term. Just go to the uniform shop once they have broken-up. My two always used to grow so much during the holidays 😂

Forgot to add, anyone judging a stressed mum isn’t worth worrying about

If I saw someone shout rudely as someone I'd be judging them, not the person they were shouting at.

Next time though if the kids play up then I would calmly just tell them their behaviour isn't good enough and so we are going to leave. If they don't get exactly the right size uniform then they'll know why. Get it a bit bigger so they'll definitely have room to grow.

I feel for you but just get over it! Who cares? Try having an autistic child… you soon learn not to give a shit (while obviously doing your best).

Ah OP please don’t beat yourself up over it, I have one DC but I regularly take my DB kids out & they all play up including my DC. It’s hard to manage but most parents understand the trials & tribulations of having children so deep breath & ignore. You’re definitely not alone x

Erm no its then other twat of a parent who should be embarrassed.
What an absolute arse
Who does that?

Exactly, don’t we all get the stresses of children?!

Sorry this sounds like a really difficult day, and we've ALL been there. I feel really angry at the other parent for making you feel like that, there was no need to be so rude. Please try to put it out of your mind and remember that anyone watching would have been judging her, not you x

It's a none event really, I assume you must have other issues going on as this really isn't anything to get worked up over.

Go easy on yourself OP. You're judging yourself far too harshly. Most of us have had times when the children wouldn't behave as we'd like. (I've had dozens of them at this stage.) Don't worry, really, it's okay. Be gentle with yourself💐