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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel absolutely mortified

106 replies

IsThisIt1233 · 13/07/2023 15:28

Had a pop up shop today at my child’s school where you can try on uniform etc. Well both my kids decided today they would embarrass me and start running around and being silly. It was so stressful as I was getting judging looks from the other mums and I was getting really anxious and stressed, I tried talking and reasoning and even (quietly) threatening my kids there would be no treats and screen time but nothing worked. All the other kids were with their families behaving impeccably.

I feel like such a loser. I’m a single parent even though I have a husband (whole different thread). The most embarrassing part was that for a moment they both were calm so I saw a sales assistant and asked if we can have size up to try on when another parent (who I obviously didn’t see) started shouting that the sales assistant is helping her, I feel like such a loser as other parents heard her and were looking at me. I must have looked a right state.

I broke down in tears in the car (never once have I cried infront of my kids and don’t again). My kids were laughing as I was crying! Don’t know how to even react to that. I feel like a complete mess I can’t cope.

my kids are 4 and 8

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 13/07/2023 16:16

Those after school events are always bonkers. When mine were at primary they did a cake sale on Fridays and I can't even put into words the insanity of a herd of hyped up, knackered little kids on a sugar bender in a hot school hall with parents, school bags, open cups of squash and pushchairs.

HarlanPepper · 13/07/2023 16:17

LakeTiticaca · 13/07/2023 16:13

Why did you let them run wild? Why didn't you grab them and hold their hands very tightly?

an 8 year old and a 4 year old? OK sure. And should she have used her other set of hands to check the uniforms and pay?

HarlanPepper · 13/07/2023 16:19

OP, even if one or two of the other parents were judging you, I bet most of them were a) mulling over their own thoughts/worries, or b) feeling glad it wasn't their kids misbehaving, this time. If I'd been there I would have been trying to radiate solidarity and goodwill at you, which I often find myself doing in the supermarket etc when other people's kids are going postal, and which probably makes me look slightly mad

SummerInSun · 13/07/2023 16:23

It's very unlike the other parents were judging you. We've all been in that positron or one like it.

I think if you threatened your kids with no screen time or whatever you'd better follow through, and hopefully they'll remember than next time. You don't need to go OTT and ban screens for ages, but maybe none today, or none on the weekend?

Excellentbex · 13/07/2023 16:23

I think the other mum has more reason to be embarrassed than you! Your kids turned wild and you got flustered - That’s a pretty common experience. Snapping at a fellow mum who’s having a difficult moment is just rude!

headcheffer · 13/07/2023 16:24

MatildaTheCat · 13/07/2023 15:36

End of term and kids are hyper. Have a cup of tea and sit quietly to recalibrate. Later you can quietly tell the DC that you are very unimpressed by their bad behaviour both when shopping and when mummy was upset.

If you made threats then unfortunately you need to see them through. You aren’t a failure or an object of ridicule. The other parents will all have their own stresses and were probably just glad it wasn’t their turn for children behaving like banshees.

And breathe.

This. Go have a cuppa OP. Put it behind you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2023 16:26

ThisOldThang · 13/07/2023 16:16

A young boy once absentmindedly kicked me as I walked across the shop floor in a Westfield store.

I loudly said "how dare you kick me, you rude little man."

Now.... his mum really was mortified 😉

(I'm just sharing that to maybe try and put things in perspective)

Bit harsh wasn't it. It seems to me like it wasn't done deliberately or through malice. If he'd have ran up and kicked you in the shin I'd be with but not over an accident.

ScullysMate · 13/07/2023 16:26

My two once behaved so appallingly in a drs appointment that the dr told them off. I was half pleased as they did stop and half mortified.

One thing I found helped when my kids were younger was, one warning then if behaviour continued then leaving where we were. Obviously only threaten this if you will then leave!

I only had to do it twice for them to know I meant business as then I only had to threaten to leave somewhere and they behaved! as they know they would miss out on something fun. If it’s somewhere boring they don’t want to be then bribery for after works (ie just do this job then we can go to park, have ice pop, do craft etc)

Backstreets · 13/07/2023 16:26

You're not a loser, you're only human, and tomorrow everyone bar you will have forgotten all about this x

ThisOldThang · 13/07/2023 16:28

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2023 16:26

Bit harsh wasn't it. It seems to me like it wasn't done deliberately or through malice. If he'd have ran up and kicked you in the shin I'd be with but not over an accident.

Show quote history

It was a deliberate kick, but I don't think that he had really thought through his actions. He was bored. I walked past. He kicked me in the shin.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2023 16:29

ThisOldThang · 13/07/2023 16:28

It was a deliberate kick, but I don't think that he had really thought through his actions. He was bored. I walked past. He kicked me in the shin.

Show quote history

Oh well that's fair enough then

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:30

I get those looks.
I have a 12 year old who is developmentally a two year old, who rolls around on the floor like a giant toddler.
The whole area becomes silent and all eyes are on me 😳😩

zerofuchsgivenTBH · 13/07/2023 16:30

ugh pay no attention.
Kids are 4 & 8. they are silly sometimes.
The only people being brats were the judgy parents.
have an early night, talk to them about being good in shops, and move on.

TyrannasaurusJex · 13/07/2023 16:34

would it help to say thatI am CERTAIN neither the woman who shouted at you or any of the other parents have given it/you another thought since then? We all wildly overestinate how much other people think about or judge us. People have their own lives and concerns to be getting on with!

Clarinet1 · 13/07/2023 16:34

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience. I know I sometimes build up other people’s opinions of
me much more than they really are. In this case, when the woman raised her voice to you, quite likely a lot of the other people thought she was BU. Your kids running around - quite likely people were thinking they were just “demob happy” after school. I’m sure, as PP have said, it won’t leave a lasting impression.
However maybe have a quiet word with the DC ? at bedtime about how their behaviour was unacceptable. Also, the laughing when you were crying may actually have been a kind of shock because the realised they had gone too far.
Try to chill this evening ?favourite film ?luxurious bath,

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:34

ThisOldThang · 13/07/2023 16:16

A young boy once absentmindedly kicked me as I walked across the shop floor in a Westfield store.

I loudly said "how dare you kick me, you rude little man."

Now.... his mum really was mortified 😉

(I'm just sharing that to maybe try and put things in perspective)

Wow! That was a harsh reaction, if it was done absentmindedly.
Fair enough if he had deliberately booted you in the shin.

fioritura · 13/07/2023 16:36

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:30

I get those looks.
I have a 12 year old who is developmentally a two year old, who rolls around on the floor like a giant toddler.
The whole area becomes silent and all eyes are on me 😳😩

Please know that there are so many of us that are completely understanding and judge the people obviously judging you right back (with bombastic side eye).

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 16:37

walking along and feeling someone kick my shins… my immediate response wouldn’t be that a grown man has done it purposely and call him a “rude little man”

you must go around perpetually ready to pounce!

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:37

TyrannasaurusJex · 13/07/2023 16:34

would it help to say thatI am CERTAIN neither the woman who shouted at you or any of the other parents have given it/you another thought since then? We all wildly overestinate how much other people think about or judge us. People have their own lives and concerns to be getting on with!

Well if the woman who had shouted had any conscience about her, she probably did overthink her harsh outburst later that evening.

I'm an overthinker too, OP. Everything plays on my mind.

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 16:39

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:37

Well if the woman who had shouted had any conscience about her, she probably did overthink her harsh outburst later that evening.

I'm an overthinker too, OP. Everything plays on my mind.

Show quote history

The op has confirmed that this woman simply shouted

“that sales assistant is serving me!”

and absolutely nothing further

wasn’t great but I don’t think it’s something to “play on her conscience” about!

seahorsesandmermaids · 13/07/2023 16:41

Also, people say "People are too busy getting on with their own lives", yet they can take time out from that to upset someone else.
There is just no need for harsh words.

It was obvious you hadn't been aware that she was already being served, and if that had been me (the woman being served) I would have let it go. I wouldn't have mentioned it.

GoldLacewingOrpington · 13/07/2023 16:42

Children often laugh to cope with situations that they don’t know how to handle. Try and be as kind to yourself as you can.

CoffeeCantata · 13/07/2023 16:47

I completely get that you were upset, but really - I bet both the other parties in this situation will have forgotten it already. Your children were naughty and I remember mine (normally really good) sometimes chose a very difficult moment to misbehave - uncharacteristically - which made it more stressful!

Don't worry about crying in front of them - I think it was good to show you were upset and if your 8 year old didn't take it seriously, I'd sit them down and explain that they'd made things difficult and sometimes mums cry too!

GrapeHyacinth · 13/07/2023 16:47

Agree with this

GrapeHyacinth · 13/07/2023 16:51

Ihavekids · 13/07/2023 15:44

This is a total non event. Don't give it another thought. Sometimes my kids behave like angels and sometimes they both play up and don't listen to a word I say.

The other parents most likely were just thinking thank God it's not mine today!

The one other mum shouting that she was being served is literally nothing to do with you, maybe she was stressed herself or in a hurry.

Kids misbehave. They are not fully in control of their behavior yet. Brains not fully developed. Follow through with your consequences and move on. This isn't a crying matter... and if it is, that's more about your state of mind than your kids.

Can't seen to quote at the moment, but I agree with
"Ihavekids · Today 15:44
This is a total non event. Don't give it another thought. Sometimes my kids behave like angels and sometimes they both play up and don't listen to a word I say.

The other parents most likely were just thinking thank God it's not mine today!

The one other mum shouting that she was being served is literally nothing to do with you, maybe she was stressed herself or in a hurry.

Kids misbehave. They are not fully in control of their behavior yet. Brains not fully developed. Follow through with your consequences and move on. This isn't a crying matter... and if it is, that's more about your state of mind than your kids."