To feel absolutely mortified

[IsThisIt1233]

Had a pop up shop today at my child’s school where you can try on uniform etc. Well both my kids decided today they would embarrass me and start running around and being silly. It was so stressful as I was getting judging looks from the other mums and I was getting really anxious and stressed, I tried talking and reasoning and even (quietly) threatening my kids there would be no treats and screen time but nothing worked. All the other kids were with their families behaving impeccably.

I feel like such a loser. I’m a single parent even though I have a husband (whole different thread). The most embarrassing part was that for a moment they both were calm so I saw a sales assistant and asked if we can have size up to try on when another parent (who I obviously didn’t see) started shouting that the sales assistant is helping her, I feel like such a loser as other parents heard her and were looking at me. I must have looked a right state.

I broke down in tears in the car (never once have I cried infront of my kids and don’t again). My kids were laughing as I was crying! Don’t know how to even react to that. I feel like a complete mess I can’t cope.

my kids are 4 and 8

The other people in this scenario will not be thinking about it at all.

'Mum went red at school' is not something worth thinking about or sharing with anyone from an onlookers point of view. It will have been completely forgotten about already.

I am not saying that to devalidate your horrible experience (I would have felt embarrassed too), but to help you let go. It is over now, no one will remember this, if they even noticed! Our cheeks can feel like they are on fire and feel a much deeper red than they actually are.

If I saw this happen to someone I would think 'god, looks like she is having a rough day' feel lucky that I am not having a rough day (having had many) and then instantly start worrying about my own life.

Op

beyond shouting “that assistant is serving me!”

what did she say?

Thank you all! Yes you’re right. @Kimchikitchen thats all she did say, nothing else.

Pop up school uniform site at school at the end of the day

not exactly a calm environment

no one would have thought anything aside from perhaps the other woman was a bit OTT

You won't be the only one this is happened to and you certainly won't be the last one this happens to so stop beating yourself up. It's been a bad day, take a deep breath and forget it. It's over now. People honestly won't have been staring and judging as much as you imagine, it just feels that way at the time. It will be old news already. Kids running around being silly isn't anything groundbreaking or world ending. I've got a DS with ASD, I had more than my fair share of staring people. He school refused for months at primary and would lay on the floor in the carpark screaming so trust me, I know. He's now a late teen and looking back it really, really didn't matter how many people looked. Everyone has their own life and their own problems to deal with, if I saw that happening I would barely remember it a few days later.
You are certainly not a loser.

@EvilElsa that sounds really tough for you. I’m sorry you went through thst. But yes you’re right they will also be teenagers one day and I won’t think so badly then.

You’re doing great! Trying on uniform in school at the end of the day with loads of other people around in hot, muggy weather was always going to be a challenge! The other mum might be kicking herself for being a bit of a dick to you in those circumstances, she was probably feeling it as well.

The other woman completely overreacted to you talking to an assistant.

Try and forget about it. Nobody else is going to be thinking about someone talking to a person in a shop when they were serving someone else.

The other mother is not the main part of the 'incident' and probably if your dc hadn't have been mucking about you wouldn't have even thought about the comment. It's because you were already embarrassed so now what she said feel worse to you than it actually was.

You’re in a cycle of over thinking and it isn’t helpful. It’s happened, it was grim, the other parent was rude (I bet the ones looking over were looking due to her rudeness rather than your redness).

At most I’d be thinking ‘ugh, uniform shops are so stressful, that poor woman’ and I’d never think about it again.

No one will remember after today, no one will think of it next term or in the playground etc.

It’s also totally ok to cry in front of your children. You are allowed emotions and can express them.

What isn’t allowed is laughing at someone that’s upset. Naughtiness when I’m a public place and being asked to behave is also not on, but I’d be more upset at the laughing. So when you’re feeling calmer I’d be picking up on that, and clearly following through on any threats you made.

This too shall pass. It’s one small part of just one day

It's helpful to put this in your OP.
You have posted in AIBU about being mortified. On the face of it, being mortified would be somewhat of an over-reaction to the incident.

Knowing that there are reasons why you can't easily put things behind you and that your CPTSD impacts you day to day would help posters give more considered responses, or maybe not to reply at all.

Thank you! It was shit at the time, but glad to report that teen DS is now very happy and the sweetest, most gentle soul. Loves his school, does really well, and has a 99% attendance. It does get better! We all have shit days. I remember carrying DD out of Toys R Us sideways under one arm after she had a tantrum over a ride on toy when she was 2 and I was heavily pregnant. Such fun!!! I remind her of that now she's 18.

Be kind to yourself OP
Kids are shit bags sometimes. If they're being feral but not annoying anyone else leave them too it or just leave them they're missing out due to their own behaviour.
The woman was rude just forget her.
You're doing fine. Parenting is hard.

Thank you much everyone you are all so kind and helpful.

@EvilElsa lol I can do imagine carrying a 2 year old like that. I think I might have some same too with both of them at some point. It’s really difficult isn’t it.

Thank you again everyone. I’m so sorry I’m not replying to everyone but I am reading and re-reading every comment x

OP kids go feral at this time of year, they are excited, tired and need a break. There won't be one other parent who hasn't been embarrassed by their kids at some point. The woman being abrupt was just the final straw when you were stressed already. Stop worrying, nobody will remember this.

1. it’s ok to cry in front of your kids - obviously not ideal but it shows them it’s ok to feel and you’re not a robot

2. kids probably laughed because they didn’t know how to react to you crying

3. shop situation is probably worse in your head, everyone else is just focused on themselves just as you are

4. go to these things without your kids next time (during school or while with their dad - sounds like he’s rubbish)

5. draw a line under it

Look at it from an different point of view...

"I was waiting to be served at the pop up uniform shop for 15 minutes. It was crowded and muggy; some of the other children were kicking off from boredom. I finally got my turn with a shop assistant when another parent jumped in and asked for her help. I said "She's serving me!" and it came out loud and snarky, and people turned to look. I just wanted to go home. So embarrassing"

You don't think she should spend her evening self-flagellating, do you?

Neither does anyone there think you should.

It's worth remembering that 90% of the time people are not paying attention to you, they have their own shite going on.

Their reactions have far, far more to do with their own internal shit than whatever it is you were doing at the time.

Cut yourself some slack, make yourself a cuppa and forget about it.

This is wisdom right here! OP don't stress. No one will be judging - and if they are then the hell with them! Whenever I've seen someone with their children having a meltdown I've always thought 'Wow, it's not mine for a change!'. And crying in front of your children is 'modelling the full range of emotions'. The kids laughing, well they'll do that. Their brains aren't fully developed for a start and if you've never cried in front of them before they don't know how to react. Laughter is a way to pass over discomfort. So come on lovely, you are doing great.

I want to gently remind you, OP, that children laugh when they feel uncertain, over-stimulated or hyped up (from all their running around and also from being aware they're peeing you off), or if they feel bad and don't know what to do. I'm almost completely certain that their laughter in that moment, while you were crying, was nothing to do with them not caring for you, or that they actually found it amusing that you were upset. I can actually remember being a child and laughing in moments where I felt uncertain and a bit troubled - and sort of being aware I shouldn't be laughing, but almost wanting to reject the uncertain feelings and just laugh as if everything's alright.

You've had a hard day, and you haven't done anything wrong. Let it go, be kind to yourself and look forward to the next time you have a pleasant experience with your kids.

That other parent was being unreasonable. Was it the going red bit too? I am a blusher and i hate it...its impossible to hide how uncomfortable you feel. I've been there with kids being dicks and getting more and more flustered, its horrible...I understand. I also over think scenarios, play them back in my head and shudder while I relive them...I get it. Try to distract yourself, get through to bedtime and then do something to help you relax....watch something funny on TV, use a meditation app (I find yoga really helps but I know its not for everyone) do some exercise. Getting out for a walk helps but I appreciate thats not easy if you don't have someone there to sit with the kids. You will feel better tomorrow, I promise.

@IsThisIt1233 your children should absolutely be disciplined and fast for their behavior. If you keep letting them run all over you, you will never have any control and the stress will be continuous.

8 year old especially should know better. I can't believe they sat their laughing while you cried. I hope you come down on them hard. The lack of empathy for you is shocking. Hyper kids, end of term bla bla excuses. No. They know not to run around like headless chickens and they know that laughing at someone who is upset is wrong. Do something about it.

Stop focusing on how embarrassed you felt and focus on the children. You can't control the other person making you feel small but you can control your children.

Kids run around that's what they do. If people over heard or saw what happened they will think the other woman was rude not think badly of you.

Why did you let them run wild? Why didn't you grab them and hold their hands very tightly?

Kids will be kids op and They do piss about. Its what you call the nature of the beast. I'd be more annoyed at the judgemental parents. Are their kids Saints.

A young boy once absentmindedly kicked me as I walked across the shop floor in a Westfield store.

I loudly said "how dare you kick me, you rude little man."

Now.... his mum really was mortified 😉

(I'm just sharing that to maybe try and put things in perspective)