To think these friends don’t like me?

[Gotthehint]

I moved to another country 2 years ago and since then none of my friends have visited (I have been back a few times including to attend their wedding’s / hens, Christmas etc).

We are about a 6 hour flight in a popular holiday destination and can offer free accommodation. They have all been on multiple holidays since then, at least 4 or 5 each.

Is it safe to say we aren’t as close as I thought we were?

Have you specifically invited them or talked about them coming to stay? They might not want to appear like they are being CFs and asking for a cheap holiday.

We moved country and unsurprisingly we didn't get many takers to come and visit us.

There's a massive difference between having the holiday you want vs visiting a friend, especially when they're a long way away.

You might be in a holiday destination, but are you in a destination they want to go to?

@Bananazebra i haven’t pressured them or said ‘come these dates’ but have said the offer is always open and I’d love them to come

A 6 hour flight to visit someone is a pretty huge ask. Especially when you are coming back for visits.

Honestly - I would only visit very close family in those circumstances.

I am sure they still like you.

a) you have only been gone for a couple of years
b) not everyone likes staying in someone else's house
c) you've been back several times already

I moved about four years ago, again to a popular tourist destination. In my case it's a) a much shorter flight from where I used to live and b) a popular travel 'hub' if people plan to go further afield. I have also been back a few times.

It hasn't even occurred to me to worry that people that haven't visited me yet aren't as close as I though. I was the one that moved away. I don't expect them to want to come specifically come here when they want to go on holiday - I'm not the centre of their world.

I couldn't afford the flights, I'd worry getting to the airport and back, random bits means it all adds up. And I don't have to worry about booking time off. It's not as simple as you're making it out to be.

Plus, what kind of accommodation do you mean? I think most people would prefer their own space rather than being piled up at a friend's house.

It might not be personal. You moved far away from your friends, it's unreasonable to expect them to travel so far to see you.

They might not want to go to that holiday destination. There's the expense of flights, a 6 hour flight is bound to be expensive.

From my perspective, I wouldn't want to travel 6 hours on a flight, I prefer shorter flights. I'd probably make an effort to see a friend if they lived a 2-3 hour flight away. I wouldn't want to stay with a friend at their house, I'd rather have my own space in a hotel. I'd also rather choose my own holiday destination which may not be where you are. My annual leave is precious, I'd rather choose my own holiday. I share this because perhaps your friends are similar.

I like a lot of people. That doesn't mean I want to spend a a fortnight living in their house with them! That is a massive escalation from being friends. Especially when you're a 6 hour flight away.

I wouldn’t travel 6 hours to see anyone. It’s too far op, it’s not you, it’s the distance and the cost.

Like pp have said I wouldn't read too much into it as it is quite a long way to go even if you are in a touristy destination. If you really want someone to come visit you may need to instigate it yourself.

No way would I want to live in a friends house on a holiday. Especially if it’s 6hrs away (Dubai?) then I would want a proper holiday staying at a nice hotel.

A 6 hour flight is bloody long. And they've hardly had time to miss you if it's only been 2 years and you've been travelling back for weddings etc.

In general, I think expats are the ones expected to do the travelling in order to keep up with their friendships and family relationships back home. After all, they're the ones who chose to move away. Plus it makes more practical sense: you have got multiple people to see if you go "back home" for a visit - versus one person who they will get to see if they make the journey to visit you.

With a 6 hour flight then I would want to be staying at least a week. There aren't many people I'd want to impose on for that long (or who I'd want to stay in close quarters with for that long!). My best friend, yes. Sister, yes. Most other people, however nice... no. It's just a bit intense.

My DBestF moved away; similar to you, a holiday destination. Before she went she said "come and visit". I didn't want to be a CF so waited until her family had been. She asked if I intended to visit, "of course, when's convenient?" Another 6 months passed "when's convenient; I can come this period, this period or this period". She couldn't do any of them but suggested others. We arranged dates, I went and we had a fantastic week together.
Give your friends potential dates; if they want to visit they'll reply and book flights. If not then all the dates will be inconvenient and they won't suggest others! Then you'll know.

For a six hour flight, you need at least a week there to make it worthwhile. Whilst I like staying with friends a couple of days at a time- I wouldn't want to stay with friends for over a week I don't think. It wouldn't be personal - it is just a long time to spend in other people's company. It is rude to stay with someone and treat them like a 'hotel' - e.g. do your own thing. So when you stay with people you have to sort of fit in with their life. Which is fine for a few days but not especially relaxing for a lot of people for longer than that.

We used to live in an overseas holiday destination - it was only really family that travelled especially to see us. The odd friend came but typically they would be on their way to somewhere else, or working in our city or visiting the city for other reasons as well (not just to see us).

You would probably get more visitors if you were a couple of hours flight away - as people would come for a long weekend. They wouldn't have to use up their 'holiday' leave to come and visit you.

It is not personal.

I would hate to go and visit friends for longer than a day or two and a 6hr flight wouldn’t make that feasible. Also, if they’re taking that many holidays it doesn’t sound like they need free accommodation.

They have seen you when you’ve been back and have invited you to functions so obviously do like you.

Another potential issue could be if your friends have partners and/or children. They may only be able to afford (financially and annual leave) one family holiday a year. Perhaps the partner or children don't want to go to where you live.

Ideally, we'd all have plenty of money and spare time and could book a few holidays a year but unfortunately that's not the case for a lot of us.

Personally, I really don’t like staying in someone else’s home. I like privacy and I’d always rather stay in a hotel.

Plus a 6 hour flight is going to be expensive and like others have said, is too far to go for a long weekend (for me, anyway!).

I wouldn’t take it personally.

I live in a holiday destination but I am also aware that visiting friends isn't the same as being free to do what you want on holiday I understand that they will want to go to their chosen destinations and have the holiday they want without staying in my house and not having the same freedom for their hard earned cash

One way to make it more appealing is suggest they come to stay a couple of days with you and then you all go and stay in a nearby destination to you (if that is possible). We have done this where we have gone to stay with friends for a few days then all of us have down the coast to a hotel or villa and had a few days together. It sort of makes it more relaxing all round - no-one is the 'host' and no-one is the 'visitor' for the whole trip.

You moved away so you should be the one to visit

My best mate moved to other side of the world 20 years ago. I have been once. It's nothing personal. I don't want to spend all my holiday allowance, money and family time flying 24+ hours to a fairly dull region that I've already been to.

6 hour flight from the UK? I'm guessing as a PP has said it's Dubai. If not somewhere ME/north Africa/former soviet union - in other words, destinations that are not first on the list for relaxing holidays for many people.

Maybe they think you don't like them because you moved away.

Agree. People move away then get all disappointed when you’re not rushing to visit. I wouldn’t stay in someone else’s house for a night let alone a week. Moving away from friends needs more thought than some people give it

People have limited annual leave and want to go to a place they really want rather than visiting friends in a place not of their choosing.

They also want couple/family time and not necessarily group time

Also you can't relax as much in someone else's home

If you were somewhere they could come for a weekend then they would be more likely to visit but 6hrs for a couple of days is a lot.

Has anyone actually came to your country and not visited?

6 hours is a very long distance. You’ve gone back a few times because it’s your home, you kill multiple birds with one stone and see many friends and family from one trip.

There’s not many people I would take a 6hr flight to visit at this point in my life.

OP has said all her friends have been on at least 4 or 5 holidays in the last 2 years.