To think all workplaces are toxic?

[Stripeymum11]

Is there an inherent indignity in working for someone else?

I’ve worked for years now in schools and am starting to think that I’m just never going to be thick-skinned enough to properly thrive in them.

Each time we adults get a new job, we have to familiarise ourselves with the written policies of a place then, regardless of any personal feelings, have to become a representative of that organisation. Fine. That’s just reality, I shove down my core values and give my time in exchange for money.

But it’s the unwritten policies that really upset me. The cultures of bitchy gossip, the male heavy leadership teams that don’t seem to do very much, the brushing (important safeguarding) issues under the carpet, the passive aggressive management, the reactive management styles.

How so people drag themselves through full time work, knowing they have to endure all of this crap for at least 30 more years without becoming just as bad or really depressed?

Is this what attracts people to leadership roles? So they’re not at the mercy of cruel management themselves?

AIBU

My work place is up and down. Great people and not so great people. I simply don’t bring my emotion to work with me. It stop me reacting or getting bothered by anything if ot crops up.

I’m a TA in a toxic school I was in tears at work recently. Im leaving because the gossiping and bullying is too much for my mental
health. I’m also unsure if all schools are like this.

I’m not. Although I wrote the Well-being policies and procedures so it might well be in there. I was thinking about what we do and how we show we value staff.

I've had this, in pretty much all the jobs I've had; low skill, minimum wage jobs; as I've got older it's been harder to tolerate, so after Covid hit I didn't go back, and focused on my side business and developed that to replace my main income. Best thing I ever did. The thought of going back to work for some idiot or petty tyrant spurs me on to work harder on my business & diversify my income. It seems madness now to be dependent on one source of income, especially if you hate it!

Not all workplaces are toxic. I left a job after a few years and went back to my previous job because of the toxicity from my manager/general higher management. I would have left much sooner if I had not been exclusively WFH. I am a hard worker and was expected to do a large part of my manager’s job without recognition on a non-existent job description or additional remuneration, which I was not happy with, especially as I was contracted to work PT. My contributions to and concerns repeatedly raised during my supervision meetings fell on deaf ears and became pointless. I was often working crazy hours which was affecting my mood and time with my kids. I handed in my notice when the micromanaging reached ridiculous levels of petty. The woman was a cow and she then she tried to delay my reference in order to force me to stay until after she went on mat leave, which did not work. Hahahaha. I’m much happier now I’m working back with my previous team.

Im in a school but its the bus side of it. Girls seem nice. However I have temped one place was awful bitchy cliques. Grown women the worst. So bus side suits me as Im not over involved.

NRTFT

I feel a lot is about matching. I’m in my ideal job, been in the same place 12 years. Over that time we’ve had one or two people who have been bitchy but they’ve not stayed long. Everyone gets on great and the policies align with my values.

this is the only job I’ve had like this, but it shows that not ALL work places are toxic.

I don't think so, no.
Nowhere is perfect but of the four schools I've worked for 2 have been toxic, one lovely, nurturing, easy to work in every day and one caring, supportive but challenging because of the nature of the children we work with.

The culture is top down and often people who would make great managers rule themselves out whilst those who can talk the talk (yes often men!) grab the top jobs.

My workplace isn’t toxic :) we are a lovely team and all get on and are professional

It's not everywhere but it sure happens in far too many places!

When I used to work for others, I aspired to management and once I got there, I changed things.
These were engineering firms so heavily male dominated so it wasn't easy moving up.

I studied management, psychology, social psychology mostly on my own and some formal course work.

The dynamics of my teams changed and the mediocre and trouble makers left. We produced results far above other teams and they also began to change.

So that's how I did it and once I began my own company, the management style stayed.

It doesn't just work in engineering either. My DD applied it to retail and completely reinvigorated a failing department.

As cliche as it sounds, be the change you want to see.

I've worked in some truly awful places. Funnily enough I found the care and housing sectors the worst. Just toxic. Lots of men puffing out their chests and lots of affairs. Vile.

I now work in a business that's in a sector that has traditionally been very male dominated and am amazed at how nurturing and supportive it is. I can honestly say it's the way place I've ever worked. My team are amazing and I never have to worry about bitchy comments or sexist shit.

Wish I'd found it ages ago... so in answer to OP; not all places are toxic but it can take a while to find the great places.

Yes, not all places are toxic. My current workplace has a strong leader and good behaviours are encouraged.

I worked in a very toxic environment before and lasted 2 years - it was horrible. But I had to realise I couldn't change it. So while I was planning my escape route I disengaged as much as I could, I was pleasant and helpful but didn't engage in gossip and had clear boundaries around my work. That helped a lot.

Most toxic workplace I suffered was a female dominated charity. It was all cliques and bitchiness. I hated it from the first day. Considering the whole ethos was supposed to be helping people, most managers there were vile, self-centred and empire building, and barely any thought at all went on providing help and support for the very people the organisation existed to help! It was all about building a bigger organisation, building bigger departments, managers wanting bigger budgets and more staff in their departments, etc. I didn't stay long at all! Couldn't wait to get out of such a toxic environment.

My sister works in the NHS and she says the same about her department - lots of bitching women in administrative/managerial roles who aren't interested in actually looking after patients and more concerned with their own promotions etc., happily shitting on others around them to improve their own career prospects.