To think this was cruel towards their daughter?

[Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids]

It's a work friend who has a 21 year old daughter. The daughter lives with her parents and had her long-term bf to stay over for a couple of nights (LDR)
I think her father wanted them to sleep in different rooms initially, but it would've meant sharing a room with her younger brother.
One night apparently the father heard some 'noise' coming from the floorboards upstairs which led directly to the daughter's bedroom and put two and two together.
Anyway, he was furious and told her mother on the phone about the 'night he'd had'.
He then invited their family friends to go out for a meal but left their daughter and boyfriend at home, they weren't invited. Apparently he was cold with the daughter that day.
Aibu to find this incredibly harsh towards the 21 year old. Sure, nobody really wants to hear that but a quiet word 'Can you make sure you're a bit quieter next time' would have sufficed.
Deliberately leaving her out and telling her Mum about it is just cruel. The girl is 21 so an adult, she should move out if that's how she's treated.

The irony of the dad “punishing ” his daughter by not inviting her to dinner is that she and the boyfriend probably took the opportunity to hump like dogs in every room of the house.

I'm astounded at the vested interest people have in their colleagues lives!

You will only ever hear one side of things from your colleague so nod, smile and get on with your work!

He’s on his way to completely alienating his daughter. He needs to grow up and accept she’s done the same.

It's not "emotionally abusive" to not want to hear your kids shagging, or be kept awake by your kids shagging, or be pissed off that you have been.

It's not emotionally abusive to say "no sex under my roof"

All these poor, abused adults need to grow up and become independent quickly.

This!

It's his house. I know my parents wouldn't have liked to hear me shagging my boyfriend when I was a young adult. No more than I'd want to hear them at it. If he's asked for separate bedrooms then he clearly didn't want them sleeping together under his roof as old fashioned as those views are it's his house, if his daughter doesn't like it she can get her own place.

Agree with this!

Pissed off & annoyed about their noisy inconsiderate night - ok (fyi this is my mum when my brother brings girls home)

Silent treatment simply because she had sex - not ok, on both counts

‘…my daughter is now sullied and i won't be able to get a dowry for her thanks to her loss of purity.'

Disappointingly, that’s not how dowries work; you have to pay someone to take your daughter, sullied or otherwise, off your hands.

It doesn’t seem an unreasonable expectation on the father’s part not to have to hear his daughter shagging. Rather bad manners on her part.

Cruel and unusual. Miserable old codger.

This.

It’s emotionally abusive to give your child (or anyone) the silent treatment like that. Trust me, been there done that and it’s a horrible way to treat someone. Speak to her if he’s not happy, just ignoring her and excluding her like that without a word said is emotionally abusive.

Sorry didn't reply earlier, just interested to gain feedback, don't have kids myself but don't think I'd have reacted in that manner. 'Old codger' nice ageism there... The man is only in his 40s. As are lot of posters on here.

Does he remember how he got his daughter and her younger brother?

Poor dd
We were strict with our now grown children
No over nights while under 18
Once in ling term relationships (and been living away- Uni)
Their other half could stay over.
(Never heard any noises though )

Whilst I wouldn't have an issue with my 21 year old having a boyfriend stay over, the reality is that she was told this wasn't acceptable and she went ahead and did it anyway. If she wants to (reasonably) make her own rules, then she needs to move out.

Regarding dinner - it's a bit much for a 21 year old to expect her dad to pay for dinner for her and her boyfriend. She can't expect to be treated like a child when it comes to dad paying for her, but then expect to be treated like an adult when it comes to ignoring the rules that her parents have clearly set out and having sex in their house.

So I think it's dysfunction on both sides tbh. At 21, personally I think daughter should grow up and move out, and get used to paying her own way in life. Dad will probably then see her as the adult that she is rather than a little girl. They are stuck in a kind of limbo, which doesn't work on any level.