To think this was cruel towards their daughter?

[Iwishthaticouldbelikethecoolkids]

It's a work friend who has a 21 year old daughter. The daughter lives with her parents and had her long-term bf to stay over for a couple of nights (LDR)
I think her father wanted them to sleep in different rooms initially, but it would've meant sharing a room with her younger brother.
One night apparently the father heard some 'noise' coming from the floorboards upstairs which led directly to the daughter's bedroom and put two and two together.
Anyway, he was furious and told her mother on the phone about the 'night he'd had'.
He then invited their family friends to go out for a meal but left their daughter and boyfriend at home, they weren't invited. Apparently he was cold with the daughter that day.
Aibu to find this incredibly harsh towards the 21 year old. Sure, nobody really wants to hear that but a quiet word 'Can you make sure you're a bit quieter next time' would have sufficed.
Deliberately leaving her out and telling her Mum about it is just cruel. The girl is 21 so an adult, she should move out if that's how she's treated.

I remember when I was 19 and shortly to be married visiting my parents with my fiance. We had bought a house and lived together and they made him sleep on the sofa. Quite bizarre but their e house their rules.

It says he wanted them to be in separate rooms initially, but would mean having to share with younger brother, so they didn't. I assumed the dad knew about this, but perhaps he didn't.

He sounds really childish and pathetic but at the end of the day his house his rules. My parents would have been absolutely livid if that happened under their roof. Yes it's silly and outdated but he is entitled to his views. I don't think a person's views should be diminished cos society in general has changed. She should move out, I know its difficult almost impossible but the housing situation is not his fault is it? Its not cruel IMO, but I would feel bad for the girl.

Also was she expecting him to pay for her and BF meal? I bet she was - in that case she has no entitlement to a free meal anyhow and he has no obligation to invite her. She is an adult who has a sex life after all, it works both ways.

I bet ‘my house my rules’ but when your child has a LDR and this is their small window to be together I don’t think it would hurt to reassess exactly why you have the rules you have. And why adults who barely see each other having sex is seen as such a problem. If they were 16/17 I’d be more strict but as people in their early 20’s who probably can’t afford a home yet - well I think the rule is very silly and unreasonable

His house, his rules.

And why should he have to pay for her boyfriend’s dinner at a restaurant?

People are so entitled these days.

What? Are only virgin women worthy of their dad buying them a meal?

Of course not I'm saying she isn't entitled to moan about her father not paying for it, regardless of what happened.

Again people adding to the narrative! It's the OP moaning about it, not the daughter.

Ffs

I disagree. I think punishing his daughter by using the method of exclusion and silent treatment is cruel. I consider that behaviour too be immature and abusive too.

Yes the DD probably doesn’t give a shit about a meal with some randoms, she’d probably rather stay home and shag her boyfriend

Or maybe he just wanted to spend time with his family friends without his child and their boyfriend?

I’m saying it was cruel if he excluded her for the reasons discussed, as implied in the original post. I think it’s perfectly clear what I meant.

You think it's 'normal' for a dad to ban their adult daughter from a family meal because they are having a sexual relationship at the age of 21? Really? Bloody hell.

A normal response would be a quiet 'The noise carries in this house, you know, so keep it down at night please, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about' in the morning and then nothing else ever to be said about it because everyone involved is a bit mortified.

You don't mention how old the younger brother is, but maybe the father is trying to set a good example for him?

He then invited their family friends to go out for a meal but left their daughter and boyfriend at home, they weren't invited.

Well leaving them home alone isn't going to stop them shagging, is it?

I agree, I think what you’ve said about mentioning keeping the noise down and everyone shuffling off all a bit mortified was the normal response.

The daughter should move out.

Her mum probably won't care because the daughter is 21.

And the daughter and her boyfriend had the house to themselves and probably christened every room 😉

Very odd post, is it you Op?

He is perfectly allowed to say he isn’t hosting overnights with relationships for his offspring who still live at home. The daughter has a choice over where she lives. Yes, living independently is expensive, but the freedom to choose who stays in your home comes with a price

if he was angry she broke his household rules, taking some space is a perfectly reasonable response.

No, it's not cruel. It's not really that harsh. I'm pretty sure she understood the house rules. Dad didn't want them sharing a room. He certainly didn't want them having sex. She disregarded his feelings. The dad went out for a meal with a friend....and? Why should daughter and BF necessarily be invited? He left them at home. Good. Maybe they had a rampant sex whilst he was out. He told his wife...her mum. That's normal communication between spouses.
He didn't speak to her because her BF was thereunder He needed to process what he was going to say, if anything. He obviously felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing and likely went out to get some space rather than with the intention to 'punish' them.
Who are you in this scenario?

He’s an idiot and emotionally abusive

I think her dad reacted badly as it was hardly a reason for acting off with her and deliberately leaving her out a family meal was nasty. That said, while she is 21 and an adult, she is under her parent's roof so maybe she should have been a bit more respectful towards how her family would react to hearing her have sex in their house.

"Incredibly harsh" to be not invited out with your dad and his friends for dinner? Seriously? I suspect my 21 year old would rather be shot out of a cannon than go along with me and my friends for dinner.