To think reading to pre school aged dc isn’t that important

[TeenLifeMum]

I was led to believe that reading was the most important thing (I love reading and my job involves writing in different styles for different audiences so I’m not anti reading). Dd1 would sit for hours looking at books. Dd2 would only engage in a book it it had pop ups or something tactile. As she got a bit older we tried introducing reading before bed and she wasn’t interested. By age 8 she saw reading as a punishment.

She’s currently predicted a 9 at gcse. Dd1 (the one who reads at every opportunity) is predicted an 8.

I’m not saying don’t read to dc but I’m saying, to anyone with young dc struggling to be the perfect mum… chill. Love them, have fun with them and let them be them.

Op, I get it. We did the reading thing. And for quite a few years, it was hard because DS just wasn't interested. He'd be zooming around the room, totally unfazed and unwilling to settle (of course, now I'm thinking about that, perhaps I'll add that to the list of "symptoms" to discuss with the specialist assessing him for ADHD! )

And as soon as he could largely abandon reading, he did. Very occasionally he'll get into a book or a graphic novel, but not often. I wish he was a reader. I'm a reader, always have been and was devastated that I just couldn't get him interested.

When he was assessed by an educational psychologist in year 6, she noted that his vocabulary was well above average for his age. And to be clear, he was behind on many things, just not vocabulary in itself. When I expressed surprise as he has always disliked reading which I thought was the most important thing, she said that in her experience, children who come from homes with highly educated, engaged parents tend to have good vocabularies, even if they themselves aren't big readers. (she didn't say, but I assume children from any background who are keen readers also have good vocabularies). It was an interesting comment.

But at pre school age you'd have been presumably reading things out to her in the museum, reading road signs and directions. Discussing the theatre programme and storyline. It doesn't have to just mean a bed time story.

@liveforsummer yes - that’s exactly what I mean. Reading doesn’t have to be sat snuggled on the sofa with a book (when you have a toddler who won’t sit still).

@GerbilsForever24 i think that’s where I’m coming from. It’s not just about reading and if you’re from a low educated home, reading a book isn’t enough to level the dc but that’s what we’re told. Dh and I both work in degree level jobs, I’m currently working on a masters to get me to director level and we talk about news, politics, world issues as part of our normal conversations without consideration of the educational value. But that’s where her vocabulary has come from. She loves Harry Potter films but isn’t interested in reading the books. Dh read the first 3 to dd3 but dd2 rarely entered the room despite being invited. Dd1 would join despite having read them many times. Dd2 gets bored listening and starts talking. It’s hard to explain just how disinterested she has always been (and alien to me as I love books).

However, thinking about it, she’ll happily learn a script. She’s a baffling child in many ways - one of contradictions which may explain why many posters are annoyed and feel I’ve contradicted myself. Dd is a walking contradiction.

I completely agree with this. DS is 11 in October and the half an hour I read to him in his bed and we chat about all sorts of stuff is one of the best bits of my day, regardless of any other possible academic benefits.

i can’t imagine any child hating that one on one time with a parent, so I don’t really understand the OP.

I don’t think reading with them needs to mean sitting with a book. Both my two have ADHD, sitting with a book was torture once we got past bedtime story age, my DD also has learning difficulties in the mix. We did read though, reading a cake recipe, reading road signs when travelling, reading game instructions, they both chose to have subtitles on watching tv. Basically functional reading from an early age as part of other activities.

They still won’t happily pick up a book to read (which saddens me as an absolutely avid reader), but read well and have excellent contextual understanding and inference skills. I don’t think me forcing reading books would have done anything other than made reading a chore.

Lol! This!

Yes and no.

I'm a reader. My home is overflowing with books.

Two of my DCs abandoned books once they had mastered the mechanics of reading and went years without cracking open a book. They turned out to be far more interested in science and have done really well in that field. Their writing skills are perfectly fine for the technical demands of their careers, but I've seen essays they wrote in high school and university that could have done with a bit of tweaking, to say the least.

The other three read voraciously. They all ended up doing heavily maths orientated degrees. However, they also write well in literature and history as well as the technical side, which I put down to their years spent reading.

They were all happy to sit and be read to as small children.

We also sat and watched movies, dramatic performances, etc. on TV and in the theatre. I'd put that sort of experience in the category of intellectual stimulation akin to reading, especially if you chat with DCs about plot, character development, and evocation of place and emotion in a movie you've watched - everything in a child's experience has value as a way of helping them learn to notice details and think, and express themselves. This is what the study of literature is all about at secondary level too, after all.

I've seen research to the effect that simply living in a home where there are books makes it more likely that children will succeed academically. I don't think it's any magical effect of books that causes that outcome, but rather it's the values of parents who buy and read books themselves that make a difference.

I'm a bookworm, and taught my kids to read, and write (simple stuff), before they got anywhere near school.

They are bookworms as well, as are my (now) adult grandchildren.

They all did well at school and college/Uni.

Re young boys and reading, from experience working in a library, they often prefer facts to fiction - dinosaurs, space, etc.

I still wince at the memory of a mother dragging her little boy of maybe 6 from where he was happily absorbed in a book about creepy crawlies.

‘You’ve got to have some stories!’
’But I like those books better!’
‘You need to get some stories! - come on!’

I was dying to say, ‘FGS, what does it matter, as long as he’s enjoying reading something?’

My two were v different with reading. DD1 loved it, DD2 OK for a bit, then super squirmy. Turns out DD 2 is dyslexic and has ADHD.
I always read TO them though. Loved the opportunity for closeness, chat and humour. Putting on accents to all the Katie Morag characters my absolute fave...(I do a mean Granny Island)...

I have two very dyslexic children who find reading a tedious chore. Actually DS1 likes factual information, and DS2 likes comic books, but conventional reading brings more discomfort than pleasure.
They are still read to at 10 & 12, either by me or audio book. They are articulate and have great vocabularies. They can analyse plots etc so have good "literacy" skills, it's just decoding text detracts from all that.

There's a lot that goes with reading to children, quiet snuggly times, security, literacy, information... It's not all unique to reading, and it can be provided in other ways. But reading is a relatively easy win that is managable to most families. Books can be cheap or free. It's not a massive time sink. There are times when it might not be the best for some children, but it is a culture worth encouraging.

DS1 had speech delays. While he couldn't process a progression like big, bigger, biggest, he did have vocabulary like massive. I read a lot of lovely picture books like Julia Donaldson, and actually switched to the basic language of Peter and Jane to plug those basic gaps. By school age, he had caught up (with SALT interventions too). When your child's had difficulties, it's good for your esteem, and professionals to know that all hoops have been at least attempted.

Yes! Both my boys preferred non fiction at an early age. The eldest is very into his fiction at the moment but the youngest who is 4 likes a non fiction book for his story.

@PollyIndia dd2 loves one on one time with me - bouncing together on a trampoline, she runs 5ks with me slowly and chatting as we run, we walk the dog together… but if I said “why don’t I read you a story?” The reply would now be a diplomatic “if you really want to but can we just have one page” or a “do we have to?” I’m actually quite surprised by some posters being unable to comprehend a dc who doesn’t want a story read to them. I love books and have plenty of books at home. Dh has an English literature degree. We’re not anti books, dd2 is.