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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how this would be handled in your workplace?

253 replies

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 20:55

Ok, I know it's not the first time I've asked a question like this on Mumsnet. I think my radar for what is normal or acceptable in the workplace is completely skewed at this point in my life. But here is a recent situation:

Employee A started working with the organisation recently. Employee B has been around a while and has a habit of teasing coworkers. For whatever reason, B was curious about A's age. A wasn't forthcoming. B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.) Then B revealed to A what they knew and how they had found out, at the same time revealing A's age to a coworker.

A was upset but didn't know how to respond. Coworker responses were very mixed between exasperation and outrage, saying it was a breach of privacy and confidentiality.

Which would it be in your workplace? A prank gone wrong or misconduct?

OP posts:
MollysBrolly · 11/07/2023 18:46

I don't even look up my own file for fear of getting fired!

JudgeRudy · 11/07/2023 18:47

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 20:55

Ok, I know it's not the first time I've asked a question like this on Mumsnet. I think my radar for what is normal or acceptable in the workplace is completely skewed at this point in my life. But here is a recent situation:

Employee A started working with the organisation recently. Employee B has been around a while and has a habit of teasing coworkers. For whatever reason, B was curious about A's age. A wasn't forthcoming. B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.) Then B revealed to A what they knew and how they had found out, at the same time revealing A's age to a coworker.

A was upset but didn't know how to respond. Coworker responses were very mixed between exasperation and outrage, saying it was a breach of privacy and confidentiality.

Which would it be in your workplace? A prank gone wrong or misconduct?

It's misconduct. Not sure if it would be gross misconduct but I'd not just accept this.
Tbh I think ld be planning my revenge

Weedoormatnomore · 11/07/2023 18:47

Should misconduct unfortunately worked in bad places once had the boss go into my bag help.himselve to my phone and use it as he wanted to take a card payment.

InSpainTheRain · 11/07/2023 18:49

Misconduct. No one would find it acceptable to go through someone else's things at our office.

riceuten · 11/07/2023 19:02

Misconduct and a written warning. And a hint they’re in their probationary period and another incident like this will see them launched

Grrrrdarling · 11/07/2023 19:08

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 20:55

Ok, I know it's not the first time I've asked a question like this on Mumsnet. I think my radar for what is normal or acceptable in the workplace is completely skewed at this point in my life. But here is a recent situation:

Employee A started working with the organisation recently. Employee B has been around a while and has a habit of teasing coworkers. For whatever reason, B was curious about A's age. A wasn't forthcoming. B looked for an opportunity, went to A's things and looked at their driver's license. (This was observed by another coworker. B said they were retrieving something at A's request.) Then B revealed to A what they knew and how they had found out, at the same time revealing A's age to a coworker.

A was upset but didn't know how to respond. Coworker responses were very mixed between exasperation and outrage, saying it was a breach of privacy and confidentiality.

Which would it be in your workplace? A prank gone wrong or misconduct?

Person B is Bang out of order!
You don’t go through someone’s stuff EVER without asking or permission!
Boundary massively crossed & they need to be spoken to!

LondonJax · 11/07/2023 19:20

With everyone else on this. 100% disciplinary. What if person A had mislaid some money? Would person B have been laughing then? Having admitted that they had been through someone's bag (and had been seen)?

Even my DS doesn't go in my bag. Both he and DH would wait for me to say 'oh, that's in my bag, help yourself'.

Moomuffin · 11/07/2023 19:25

100% misconduct

Symposium123 · 11/07/2023 19:38

Gross misconduct. Assume you’re in the US from your language, so I think they could be fired on the spot there.

Sillyname63 · 11/07/2023 20:34

Sorry only seen this today OP, but even before you said I knew B was a male, I am guessing mid to late 40s and single.
He sounds like someone who is still trying to be a teenager and his idea of "fun" is winding people up because "you got to have a laugh" and everyone saying he is "harmless" just enables him to keep doing it.
Unfortunately this is going to backfire on him if not this time but sometime soon.
I don't think he will be sacked this time as A sounds as if she doesn't want to take it forward but it will happen when somebody does want to make a formal complaint.

Justsu · 11/07/2023 20:54

Gross misconduct.

Hesma · 11/07/2023 20:55

Misconduct

GuinnessBird · 11/07/2023 21:22

Symposium123 · 11/07/2023 19:38

Gross misconduct. Assume you’re in the US from your language, so I think they could be fired on the spot there.

It depends what state they're in.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 11/07/2023 21:28

It would be at written warning where I work. If not gross misconduct if they went rifling through a bag/purse

Original poster
WhoWants2Know · 11/07/2023 21:30

I did also speak to management, btw. I didn't just launch the new person into the deep end.

I encouraged her (A) to speak to a manager in the first instance because she needed to to talk about it and receive support. There is a manager who is supporting her through induction and they would be the appropriate first contact.

I could have gone over her head and reported it first, but my experience in doing that (in this particular organisation) has not been positive

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 11/07/2023 22:26

WhoWants2Know · 10/07/2023 21:14

That's pretty unanimous!

Re how it could be considered a prank... B teases everyone, pretty much constantly. If there's a boundary, B will poke it to see how firm it is. But equally, B wouldn't want to actually upset anyone, and would go out of their way to be supportive if someone is struggling.

But not supportive if someone is struggling to keep their age private, eh?

B is a knob

Definitely discipline B

CrazyLadie · 11/07/2023 22:44

OhComeOnFFS · 10/07/2023 21:15

B sounds awful and there should be a disciplinary. I can't imagine going into someone's private possessions, finding out information and telling everyone else.

Totally, I don't like going into someone handbag of they ask me to, I usually just go and get it for them.

WorkCleanRepeat · 11/07/2023 22:52

Misconduct 100%. That's not a prank at all.

SaponificationQueen · 11/07/2023 23:35

Absolutely horrid behavior. They should be disciplined for going into her things and violating her privacy. If I were the boss, this would be grounds for termination.

JediNinja · 12/07/2023 09:07

Misconduct. There might be many reasons why A might not want to say their age and nevertheless , it doesn't matter, it's their right to keep it quiet if they so wish. It's not like age affects work or performance but some people in the workplace can be ageist (as in thinking people deserve or not deserve promotions based only on their age). It might also lead to a whole set of uncomfortable questions that A might not want to go to, when people calculate when you left home, when you went to uni, how long you said you had been married to or had a child, whatever. Plus B didn't just find out through A and revealed it, B went through private property. It's their driving licence, not a random work document left on the desk.

(Also, can you just give them a pretend name 😜!)

Fernticket · 12/07/2023 12:54

Misconduct for sure . If the colleague is capable of going through someone's things like that, then, in my opinion, they are capable of stealing as well!. Could well be borderline harassment as age is a protected characteristic under equality rules. Deffo bullying as well. I would be pushing for dismissal if it was my workplace.

amusedbush · 12/07/2023 13:32

B sounds like Uncle Knobhead. I have no time for wind-up merchants at the best of times but going through someone's things - especially rooting through cards/ID in their purse - is beyond the pale.

I hope B is disciplined, frankly. Maybe then he'll stop his tedious "banter" and get on with his job.

Madamum18 · 12/07/2023 14:19

I cannot believe that any prat would think going through someone's bag was a prank! He might be kind and help0ful bla bla but that does not compensate fr what is straight serious misconduct. In my work he would get the sack!

Saddlesore · 12/07/2023 15:30

Outrageous. By the same yardstick, if B "was curious about" A's salary, or bank account, would it be acceptable for B to rifle through A's bag to look at a payslip or bank statement? Of course not. You should back up A and stop B's stupid, juvenile and nasty behaviour right now.

wombat1a · 12/07/2023 15:50

That would be a sackable offence in our lab, the breach of trust between lab members would make their position impossible to continue.