AIBU about my kids' diet (vegetarian)

[Veggiedinnertime]

Both of my children (DD7 and DS5) are vegetarian. They made the choice themselves and have been veggie for several months now.

DH and I are supportive of their choice, but we're really struggling to find veggie alternatives for them. They love eggs and cheese, and we found a soya burger they'll eat, but otherwise it's thin pickings. DS is better than DD with eating fruit and vegetables, but neither of them will eat those veggies that make hearty meat alternatives like mushrooms or peppers. DD dislikes almost all fruit and vegetables, even strawberries, melon and other stuff that kids often love. Spices etc are an absolute no-no.

Neither of them are underweight; on the contrary, we're a bit desperate about DD and, replacing meat with carbs and dairy so that she'll eat something/anything, she's actually putting weight on rapidly and she's looking quite unwell (less sparkly eyed etc).

If anyone could give advice I'd really appreciate it. We're going to see a family nutritionist in the school holidays but I'd like to do something ASAP and find a way to support their choice while keeping them both healthy. Thanks very much.

Btw, we didn't choose, we were raised that way.

They’re 5 and 7?? Seems too young to choose to be veggie IMO.
I have nothing against being vegetarian, but I’d be inclined to encourage them to incorporate at least fish and chicken in to their diets

Chicken is not an especially beneficial protein, if you were worried about nutrients it is pretty much bottom of the list, especially the supermarket type.

There is no link between vegetarianism and poor mental health or digestive issues. I'm sorry for your suffering but it isn't because you didn't eat meat in childhood.

Try vegetable gratin if they like creamed spinach, hide vegetables in pasta sauces, baked beans are a good source of protein and most kids like those, eggs are good too. I was vegan for a few years, but stopped because I couldn’t get enough protein and my hair started falling out. I wouldn’t recommend a vegan diet unless you are really educated on nutrition and like a variety of foods, vegetarian is a lot easier.

Tofu is nice if cooked properly, you can make tofu nuggets in the air fryer and I used to make a fairly healthy sweet and sour tofu with pineapple juice which my three year old god daughter loved. There are lots of options.

What were there reasons for wanting to go vegetarian? Is it because they don't want to eat animals or do they just dislike meat.

I'm vegan and my DH is veggie. My DSD eats veggie when she's with us as we don't buy meat but she eats meat at school or if we're out but to be honest she tends to prefer veggie food anyway. Like your kids, also not a big lover of vegetables and eats limited fruit. She'll eat sweetcorn, apples, grapes and tangerines. We've tried to encourage others but she's very reluctant. She is only 5 so hopefully that changes as she gets older.

I make my own pasta sauces and blend veggies into those. I even sneak a carrot into Mac n cheese. Last night she ate paella which has some vivera chicken in it, had to pick out the peppers and substitute peas for sweetcorn. You can buy lentil pasta with high has double the protein of normal pasta, you just need to be careful how you cook it as it cooks quicker than normal pasta. Tesco plant chef mince is also great for chilli, spag bol, lasagne. Richmond meat free sausages are great for bangers and mash. Birdseye green cuisine do chicken dippers, southern fried chicken strips, chicken burgers and beef burgers. I know they're not exactly healthy but ok for the odd treat and no worse than the meat alternatives.

Quorn and squeaky bean do great food meat selections for sandwiches that are high in protein. You could also try protein pancakes. Would they eat soups? Soups would be pretty easy to pack full or protein and veggies. I also give my DSD a multivitamin just because I know she is quite picky with veggies.

I suspect this was nothing to do with not wanting to eat animals, it’s more like fussy eating.
Lots of pulses, and veggies blended into sauces is my advice.

5yo is old enough to know you don't want to eat dead animals. Kids have a natural empathy for animals that sadly many adults seam to have lost unless those animals are considered pets.

Would you add in a daily kid’s multivitamin with iron for now ?

We were always taught a balanced meal consisting of a carb, a protein and veg or salad was vital every mealtime, and to have three meals a day

proteins need to contain iron or calcium as well

easy enough to look this up I would have thought.

sounds like you are getting your veg food group and your protein food groups mixed as they are not interchangeable, at least that is what I was taught at O level Food and Nutrition in the late 80’s. I know thing’s have changed, but not that much surely

YANBU. While you may need to think a bit more creatively - cook actual vegetarian foods, not meat substitutes. Look at cultures that have been vegetarian for hundreds of years like the Indians and Chinese.
You cannot be vegetarian without eating vegetables. Clue is in the name.

They are children, they eat what you tell them short of at disabilities. I don't understand all this pandering.

I brought all of my DCs up veggie, they could choose to eat meat when they were old enough to understand that choice (around 7 or 8 I guess). Two have remained veggie throughout. Both boys (men now!) are over 6’ and they are all very healthy young adults.
I used to put cheese in everything, luckily they all ate beans and lentils. They used to love lentil cottage pie with small bits of veg in - carrots and peas. Peanut butter on whole grain toast. Dippy eggs for lunch. Porridge is a good source of protein.

Also to add I'm a great vegetarian cook because I'm of South Asian descent but I won't be faffing about changing my cooking styles if my kids don't like it. They eat what they're given.

I obviously disagree massively. We no longer suffer with poor mental health.

Sizeable chunks of the world's population are vegetarian or vegan without apparent plagues of mass mental health and digestive issues.

The communities famous for living the longest and healthiest lives are vegetarian (wholefood traditional vegetarian rather than packaged vegetarian).

You may well have had a poor diet or upbringing which happened to be vegetarian but correlation != causation.

Any diet can be bad if not balanced and varied (and in sufficient quantities).

In fact, i'm in some support groups where many others are also recovering.

You've got your mind made up, that's fine. I'm letting the op know mine and many others' experiences. I can't change your mind and you won't change mine, so we will have to agree to disagree.

There is also no connection between height and being a vegetarian child. I was vegetarian from age 13 and grew to 5'3 but my mum and granny were about 5'1. My niece was veggie from 7 and grew to 5'8, an inch taller than her mother. Height is mainly genetic although it can be stunted from very sparse poor diet though that's hardly a factor in the west now.

I'd ramp up the eggs and have porridge (with ground nuts) for breakfast but go very easy on cheese and butter if your daughter is putting on weight. You could try vegetable stir fries with quorn for dinner with high protein noodles. Just use soy sauce for the bought sauces are just pouches of syrup. Also quorn sausages are far lower in fat than the plant-based ones. Do they eat peas/mashed potato because that's a handy dinner.

If they really resist the healthier stuff, I'd try to explain to them that a non-meat diet can only be healthy if you are prepared to eat the good stuff.

If they’re old enough to choose to be veggie then they’re old enough to understand that they have to make a real effort to eat more fruit and veg to stay healthy. It sounds like, for your DD at least, this is about narrowing what she’ll eat even further.

Thanks so much all; a lot of good ideas/recipes here have given me hope and plenty of stuff to try ❣️

They are vegetarian because they don't agree with killing animals, and we live next door to a farm which has made the situation a lot more immediate for them.

I think with DD it's more about fussiness than vegetarianism, as PPs have said, but hopefully with the ideas you've all shared and the upcoming holidays giving me time to practise a few meals, she might start eating some other stuff too.

Its about evidence. Where is your evidence that vegetarianism leads to digestive and mental health issues?

Unless someone has a specific deficiency or metabolic problem (and some people do) then there is no evidence to back up your generalisation.

"It's easy to focus on what they don't eat: gradually expand the bandwidth of what they do eat and they'll be fine."

Thanks @ODFOx , sound advice! 😊

Hi OP, I'm trying to eat more whole carbs and while I also dislike brown rice, I find brown rice pasta quite palatable. Worth a try? Mr Organic is a good brand.

Disagreeing is for opinions, not facts. There is no link between vegetarianism and mental health and digestive issues.

I'm very skeptical that there are support groups for people who were raised vegetarian and have resultant mental and physical issues. I just did a rudimentary search and found none at all.

Hopefully everyone else reading will base their understanding on facts and evidence, not one anecdoe.

Surely you say to them the deal is 'yes you can go veggie but you can't also be fussy'. That's what I did with my daughter who went vegan and she's been great at eating ever since. Admittedly she's older than your two but I think they are old enough to understand.