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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does your father / husband sit at the head of the table?

137 replies

Orchidgal · 09/07/2023 13:01

Wondering how common it still is for the male ‘head of the household’ to sit at the head of the table.

YANBU= yes he does
YABU = no (or sometimes / not deliberately)

OP posts:
Laurama91 · 09/07/2023 20:15

My grandad did when he was alive. Then my dad was expected as the oldest son to sit there and carve the meat. My dad didn't like this. No big family dinners for years now though

JudgeRudy · 09/07/2023 20:36

I'm not really sure where the head of the table would be for many.
I could imagine a long oval or rectangular table with at least 3 people on each side and one person at the end or head....but if someone was at the other end opposite them is that the tail? What makes it the head?

fantasmasgoria1 · 09/07/2023 20:44

When my husband was a child his father would carve the meat on a Sunday but he went to sit in front of the TV with his dinner! My dad never carved the meat and also sat in his chair to eat his dinner. My mother would have liked us all to sit around the table at least on a Sunday but my father wasn't bothered.

VestaTilley · 09/07/2023 20:47

No, 4 year old DS does 😂

Not because he’s king of the house though he’d like to think so but just because we bought a long kitchen table (lots of us when family visit) and wanted to sit in a cluster at one end for meals, with DS in between us.

He’s now very used to it as his place, and his chair (our chairs are second hand and don’t match) and he doesn’t like it much when a visitor comes and sits in it. And no, he’s not being brought up to be spoilt, it’s about the only thing we give in to him on.

ASGIRC · 09/07/2023 20:51

My step dad sits at the head of the dining room table, but not at the head of the living room table, where he sits on the best spot to watch tv! When hes a guest/at a restaurant, he sits wherever
My dad doesnt have a dining table, and when hes a guest he sits wherever!

cuckyplunt · 09/07/2023 21:27

I sit one end, he sits the other. However I generally move onto the sides when his Dad is eating with us.

MostUnreasonable · 09/07/2023 22:17

Sometimes yes, sometimes not. We don't have set places at the table.
Now that I read the thread it seems weird, but my parents' house is the same, you just sit down wherever you feel like, it's always been like that.

Sapphire387 · 09/07/2023 22:20

Hahaha. My mum tried to insist it was nice that my dad sat at the head of the table as he's head of the family. Apparently. My dad is super chill tbh and doesn't care where he sits.

She recently tried to say the same thing in front of my DC - I'm afraid I had to say to them that that's a very old-fashioned point of view and I don't agree with it.

Rubychews · 09/07/2023 22:21

My father will come to our house and sit at what he thinks is the foot of the table so my DH can sit at the head, growing up we had a round table so I think it’s a throwback from my grandparents who had a large family table. We don’t have assigned seats otherwise.

SkaneTos · 09/07/2023 22:23

Round table.

wyntersuhn · 09/07/2023 22:23

No, our youngest sits at the head of the table! DH and I sit either side of him, and our other two DC sit next to us. I don't know how it worked out that way, it just did.

Freedomfromguilt · 09/07/2023 22:41

My FIL does, even at other people's houses or in restaurants, he also has to sit in the front of cars. It's hilarious but it makes it easy to sit far away from him.

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