Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last minute invite

61 replies

Loulec · 09/07/2023 09:40

DS is 5 and in reception, he is very close with his best friend in class and told me this week it was his birthday. Last night at 9:58pm his friends’ mum text me to say she’s having family and friends over with bouncy castles and slides for a party and asks if my DS wants to come over to play for a few hours for the next day. To me my son was a complete after thought considering how close we already know they are and how late I’ve been told. Plus we do have plans for part of the day - weather permitting- but had I known before I would have made sure he can go. Am I wrong for declining the invitation?

OP posts:
noglow · 09/07/2023 09:41

Up to you - do you want him to go or not? Do you want to carry on with your own plans or not?

noglow · 09/07/2023 09:42

But don't punish your kid just to make a weird point about being an after thought. The mum won't care either way.

Babsexxx · 09/07/2023 09:42

Yabu your plans are flimsy you haven’t booked a really expensive day trip I presume? Good luck explaining that to ds tomorrow when he gets to school and hears all about it.

Sorry op yabu but the other mum is also! Fwiw.

Xeren · 09/07/2023 09:44

It’s completely up to you. Do what you WANT to do.

Personally, I wouldn’t go. I know the children are very young but invite is way too late and I would want my DC to keep a level of worth.

You have plans already. Enjoy the day and spoil your DC so he has a great time!

Poppins2016 · 09/07/2023 09:44

On balance, I think you would be wrong to decline. I understand it's rubbish being an afterthought, but you're making a point to the adult without considering the value that attending will bring to both children (who don't have any say in the politics surrounding the invitation/attendance).

GoodChat · 09/07/2023 09:45

If it's just family and family friends maybe her DC has asked if DS can be there last minute

Fandabedodgy · 09/07/2023 09:45

Afterthought. Forgot to invite. Doesn't matter he's only 5. He won't care.

I would send my child if at all possible because my child would enjoy it.

Babsexxx · 09/07/2023 09:46

just to add to my comment it might be her child’s party was weather permitted too! It’s been a miserable weekend but it’s set to be a lovely afternoon! Might explain her reasoning for the delay.

Createausername1970 · 09/07/2023 09:46

She might mean her family and her friends with kids? Is she definitely saying other kids from the same class? Your DC might be a special request from her DC?

Unless what you have planned will be awkward to rearrange, I would accept.

Cantstopeatingcakea · 09/07/2023 09:46

I would take my DC. Don't stop him having a good time to make a point.

The same thing happened to us and my DS went and it was the right thing to do.

dinmin · 09/07/2023 09:47

Probably was only inviting family and family friends and the kid was expecting your DS to be there and she realised the misunderstanding or she thought last minute that it would be nice to have him there!

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 09/07/2023 09:48

If I could take him, I would. There's no point in him missing out if you can help it.

RampantIvy · 09/07/2023 09:51

I know the children are very young but invite is way too late and I would want my DC to keep a level of worth

A five year old won't realise this. IMO it is mean to use a five year old to make a point. Besides, you don't know why it is a last minute invitation.

It could be that the birthday boy has asked his mum why his best friend wasn't invited. I would accept the invitation. I disagree with using children as pawns to make a point.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/07/2023 09:52

RampantIvy · 09/07/2023 09:51

I know the children are very young but invite is way too late and I would want my DC to keep a level of worth

A five year old won't realise this. IMO it is mean to use a five year old to make a point. Besides, you don't know why it is a last minute invitation.

It could be that the birthday boy has asked his mum why his best friend wasn't invited. I would accept the invitation. I disagree with using children as pawns to make a point.

Absolutely this.

billy1966 · 09/07/2023 09:52

I think if he would really enjoy it, I would graciously accept.

It's a long road ahead of you in primary school.

The less emotionally involved you can stay in matters like these, the better.

Sometimes people have limited numbers and then there is a drop out and you get an invite.

If it suits great, if not, no problem.

Bottom line is they would like him to be there if he can make it.

I have issued plenty of last minute invites to play dates etc., it happens.

NoTouch · 09/07/2023 09:56

Xeren · 09/07/2023 09:44

It’s completely up to you. Do what you WANT to do.

Personally, I wouldn’t go. I know the children are very young but invite is way too late and I would want my DC to keep a level of worth.

You have plans already. Enjoy the day and spoil your DC so he has a great time!

I would want my DC to keep a level of worth.

How does that work? Your dc is 5 and is not going to feel more "worth" not going. The other parent won't really care if he goes or not. The only person who is feeling "worth" is you and hopefully you valued him already! That is just a silly game.

OP, if your dc wants to go and it doesn't interupt your plans let him go, the reason for the late invite is irrelevant.

Jericha · 09/07/2023 10:00

At 5 the friends referred to could just be children of their friends, up until school most kids that came to our son's parties were the children of our pals. It's only now he's in year 1 he's having play dates and planning a party with friends he's made independently. I wouldn't be offended if that is the case.

Xeren · 09/07/2023 10:08

NoTouch · 09/07/2023 09:56

I would want my DC to keep a level of worth.

How does that work? Your dc is 5 and is not going to feel more "worth" not going. The other parent won't really care if he goes or not. The only person who is feeling "worth" is you and hopefully you valued him already! That is just a silly game.

OP, if your dc wants to go and it doesn't interupt your plans let him go, the reason for the late invite is irrelevant.

Show quote history

OP asked for people’s opinions and I gave mine.

I also told her that she should do what she WANTS to do. She obviously feels sore about it and plenty of other PPs told her to take him to the party as he’ll enjoy it and it’s not really a big deal (which is also a completely valid point).

Honestly, some PPs are so hysterical when other people just give their honest opinions!

It’s a birthday party not locking DC in a rusted cage. No doubt same PPs will accuse OP of irreversibly damaging DC for depriving him of a bouncy castle 😂

Hotterthanhades · 09/07/2023 10:13

I think lots of posters massively overthinking this.

Isn’t it possible that the situation is as exactly as the other mum described? She’s having family over for a party and last minute asked one of his school friends ( am assuming she doesn’t know you well since kids are In reception)

As for her son’s ‘worth’ - what matters is how the kids treat each other. Sounds like your son’s friend really nagged to get your son there.

Id cancel your plans and take him. It’s what both the kids want.

Charley50 · 09/07/2023 10:20

I think you should have accepted it. Might be they had non-school friends coming and then her DS asked if your DS could come. Declining is a bit cutting off your nose to spite your son's face.

NoTouch · 09/07/2023 10:24

Xeren · 09/07/2023 10:08

OP asked for people’s opinions and I gave mine.

I also told her that she should do what she WANTS to do. She obviously feels sore about it and plenty of other PPs told her to take him to the party as he’ll enjoy it and it’s not really a big deal (which is also a completely valid point).

Honestly, some PPs are so hysterical when other people just give their honest opinions!

It’s a birthday party not locking DC in a rusted cage. No doubt same PPs will accuse OP of irreversibly damaging DC for depriving him of a bouncy castle 😂

Show quote history

There was no hysteria (from me anyway!) but introducing rusty cages might be bordering on it. 🤣

The way forums work is posters discuss a subject which also includes discussion between posters, it would be very boring if it was only replies to op and not a developing conversation.

I can read the rest of you post, but was interested on how you specifically think your dc's "worth" would be affected either positively or negatively, and by whom, by accepting/declining an invite?

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/07/2023 10:24

It is probably family and family friends as it would have been before they started school, then she suddenly remembered school friends.

If you can't go then fine, but making a point is just silly

Moltenpink · 09/07/2023 10:27

Echoing others- sounds like a family/ non school friends party that your son has been invited to, I would take it as a compliment

MrsPositivity1 · 09/07/2023 10:27

It just like she says ‘family and friends’ which I would take to be their friends not their child’s school friends, so it’s not as if all his class mates were invited and he wasn’t.

I’d definitely let him go.

Fandabedodgy · 09/07/2023 10:32

I would want my DC to keep a level of worth

😳😳😳