Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Last minute invite

61 replies

Loulec · 09/07/2023 09:40

DS is 5 and in reception, he is very close with his best friend in class and told me this week it was his birthday. Last night at 9:58pm his friends’ mum text me to say she’s having family and friends over with bouncy castles and slides for a party and asks if my DS wants to come over to play for a few hours for the next day. To me my son was a complete after thought considering how close we already know they are and how late I’ve been told. Plus we do have plans for part of the day - weather permitting- but had I known before I would have made sure he can go. Am I wrong for declining the invitation?

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 09/07/2023 10:37

This sounds like they are having family and family friends round rather than organising a kids’ party. They then thought he might like a school friend round as well. I’d send him if he wants to go to this more than what you were doing otherwise.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/07/2023 10:37

9.58. Not 10 o’clock, not five to ten - 9.58.

Kaibashira · 09/07/2023 10:38

If he wants to go and you can rearrange your plans, just take him.
Birthday parties can be really stressful with numbers and invites and kids changing their minds about who they want to come... just go with the flow (if you can), be happy he's been invited by a pal, and take him for a bounce.
No point in trying to make a point or score points - best possible scenario for your child in primary school is to be on amiable terms with as many parents as possible.

Couldyounot · 09/07/2023 10:40

They're 5 fgs. Let him go.

SilkTrees · 09/07/2023 10:42

I think you'd be being insanely melodramatic and self-absorbed to decline, assuming you can rearrange your plans without problems, and that your child wants to go.

Starseeking · 09/07/2023 10:44

Sometimes people initially choose to have a family and home friends party celebration only, then as it gets closer to the day they realise they have room for school friends/child has been wittering on about school friends attending.

My DC has been invited to parties in similar situations and I have taken them to attend; it's really not the big deal you are making it out to be. In your shoes I would have accepted and taken your DC to the party, which I'm sure your DC would have loved.

pleasestopmessagingme · 09/07/2023 10:45

It's about your child not about you.

Vanillalime · 09/07/2023 10:47

If your son would want to go & have a good time, then yes, I think you would be wrong to decline.

shiningstar2 · 09/07/2023 10:47

When she says she is having friends and family over it sounds to me of more of a family thing than a children's party. It doesn't look to me as though your son is a last minute afterthought at a predominantly kids type party. It seems to be that she has concentrated on her family/friends and then asked her ds of he would like to invite one friend and her son has chosen your Ds. True she could have got in touch earlier but I think this little boy thinks your son is the main man, just as your son thinks of him
I would try to let him go but if your own arrangements mean you can't I would sent a friendly, regretful text keeping options open for other times. 😄

drpet49 · 09/07/2023 10:48

Xeren · 09/07/2023 09:44

It’s completely up to you. Do what you WANT to do.

Personally, I wouldn’t go. I know the children are very young but invite is way too late and I would want my DC to keep a level of worth.

You have plans already. Enjoy the day and spoil your DC so he has a great time!

This.

tweener · 09/07/2023 10:50

Createausername1970 · 09/07/2023 09:46

She might mean her family and her friends with kids? Is she definitely saying other kids from the same class? Your DC might be a special request from her DC?

Unless what you have planned will be awkward to rearrange, I would accept.

I would have thought the same as this post. Family and friends of the parents, not school friends.

BeaLola · 09/07/2023 10:51

Poppins2016 · 09/07/2023 09:44

On balance, I think you would be wrong to decline. I understand it's rubbish being an afterthought, but you're making a point to the adult without considering the value that attending will bring to both children (who don't have any say in the politics surrounding the invitation/attendance).

And perhaps her DS has only just asked if yours could go

I would let your DS go and fit around it

TiaraBoo · 09/07/2023 10:52

If my child wanted to go, I’d take them.
Like others, I see it as family and non-school friends and birthday boy suddenly realised he wants his friend to come.
(I believe my 5th birthday party was my parents having a bbq with their friends, neighbours and neighbours kids)

WimpoleHat · 09/07/2023 10:52

I agree - I think “family and friends” means adult friends and their kids, rather than a kids’ party where a chunk of the class is going. To be fair to her, this is a very different vibe (an adults’ gathering, with fun stuff for the kids rather than a kids’ party with adults there to supervise). So I don’t think it’s a snub to your DS at all, more an acknowledgement that his mate would really like him to come and play.

Rocknrollstar · 09/07/2023 10:53

I don’t think 5 year olds have a level of worth - he wont realise it was a last minute invite. It’s nice of them to think of him and you should let him go.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/07/2023 10:59

If you’re busy it’s fine to decline. If you’re free to go and your son would enjoy it then it’s petty to decline just because you feel you should have been invited sooner. You don’t know why your son wasn’t invited earlier, could b a number of valid reasons. She could have not invited your so. at all, the fact he has been at all shows some level of want for your son to be there.

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:00

Babsexxx · 09/07/2023 09:42

Yabu your plans are flimsy you haven’t booked a really expensive day trip I presume? Good luck explaining that to ds tomorrow when he gets to school and hears all about it.

Sorry op yabu but the other mum is also! Fwiw.

Our plans aren’t flimsy, it would mean having to travel back early and cut the whole family’s day out to accommodate it. Also my sons not going to have a breakdown, he’s already been told and said he’ll play with him tomorrow at school.

OP posts:

frazzledasarock · 09/07/2023 11:02

If you have plans. I’d decline. You’ll need to sort out a last minute birthday gift for the child too.

If you are able to take your son. Take Huma if it interferes with plans you’ve already made. I’d decline.

FairAcre · 09/07/2023 11:04

Sounds to me like a lot of kids have dropped out and she is trying to make up numbers. I would continue with your original plans.

hairtodaygonetm · 09/07/2023 11:07

Createausername1970 · 09/07/2023 09:46

She might mean her family and her friends with kids? Is she definitely saying other kids from the same class? Your DC might be a special request from her DC?

Unless what you have planned will be awkward to rearrange, I would accept.

This was my thinking too.

Growlybear83 · 09/07/2023 11:10

What a bizarre over reaction. If your sore wants to go, why on earth wouldn't you take home if your plans can fit around it?

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:10

Thanks for all opinions, only reason I asked was because the other mum said I was wrong for declining and wouldn’t accept that we already have plans. I don’t know them very well so I thought it was a bit off.

anyway we’re setting off early to have a lovely Sunday!

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 09/07/2023 11:12

the other mum said I was wrong for declining

Wrong? What exactly did you/she say?

-can X come tomorrow to play for y’a family party?
-ah, no I’m sorry-we already have plans
-you’re wrong.

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:23

Shinyandnew1 · 09/07/2023 11:12

the other mum said I was wrong for declining

Wrong? What exactly did you/she say?

-can X come tomorrow to play for y’a family party?
-ah, no I’m sorry-we already have plans
-you’re wrong.

I said
hi * I’m sorry but ** cannot come as we already have plans and will be out for the day. I hope you all have a good time.

She then called me to question why we couldn’t change our plans and stuck to the point that we already had plans and her invite came last minute

OP posts:

billy1966 · 09/07/2023 11:36

Her not accepting your declining the invitation is really strange 😳

Flip

1 2 3