To want my husband home when I’m 36 weeks pregnant.

[Mrsmozza123]

So, Hubby is ex military and does a lot of work with the reserves. There is one particular exercise he does in the artic that he loves and I can really see why, it’s an incredible experience. When he is due to go this time I will be 36 weeks pregnant and we have a 3 year old. It won’t be easy for home to rush home, it takes him 2 days to get there and would be longer to come back at short notice due to flight availability. Also, his phone is usually off grid when he’s there and I’d have an army welfare number to call if there was a lab emergency.

he’s offered to reduce the trip from 3 weeks to 1 and to get his parents to take our child to give me a break, but I’m just worried about being alone already. Our nearest family are 2hs+away. My mum always makes snide comments about him being away with the army as it is and we don’t get on so I wouldn’t want her staying with me. (She also needs more looking after than I would)

It sounds like a good compromise has been found but it’s how you feel about it.

Obviously he shouldn’t go. That’s ridiculous.

Probably not skiing. Troops go away in the Winter to do cold weather training. I’m pretty sure if he was skiing it wouldn’t take him a couple of days to get there and would be contactable by phone.

@YourNameGoesHere I can see we are not going to agree so I’m not going to reply again. But you are making some assumptions that would require more information than I have given for you to be certain of.
sure, he does enjoy this trip and I don’t blame him it’s amazing and he also gets paid well. In our relationship we BOTH try and find a way of having a little something that makes us feel like whole people and not just parents. If it’s a girls night away or a work trip we will try and make it happen because I really think that’s what will keep our relationship alive. We were both attracted to each other because we are ambitious and like new experiences so to kill that would not make either of us happy. (Although that is not what this thread is about)

How many weeks were you when you went into labour with your first? I.e. any indication if you're an early / late deliverer?

@Blossomtoes reserves is the opposite of what you think. Every course, deployment and exercise is up to you. There is no minimum commitment but you earn bonuses for doing a certain number of days a year/certain levels of training. It’s designed to work around a day job although it was easier when hubby was self employed.
Regular army, you do what you are told.

@RaspberryCloud i was 41+3 😂
Although, I’m 41 so they won’t let me go past 40 this time.

My oldest child was born at 36 weeks and my youngest was at 38. I would be a nervous wreck if I was in your situation and he was that far away. You never know when your child will decide to grace you with his/her presence. 😀 Personally, I wouldn't want to risk it.

Well that's useful - obv it's not an exact science, but suggests you're not someone who 'bakes' for 38 week for example...more chance of you still being pregnant when he gets back!

Sorry, I’m out of date obviously. It was different when my bloke was in, there was definitely a minimum commitment in those days.

@Holly60 i mean there is some skiing but it’s more about teaching people to survive in extreme cold. Digging snow holes, falling through ice and self rescuing. Living off the land.

Depends how much income 1wk would bring, is it worth it? Can he afford to use his AL for this now he’s got kids? If it’s an awful lot of money and you’ve got an alternative birth partner and he’s ok with potentially missing the birth then worth considering. But yeah can understand why you’re wary about it

@Babdoc @alittleadvicepls Thanks for the practical advice and stats.
I hadn’t thought of getting the midwife to check my cervix. I’d love him to have to tell his DS he can go depending on the state of his wife’s cervix. 😂😂😂

Unless your other child was early, you going into labour is fairly low risk I’d say, but of course not zero. My biggest concern would be what happens if you do go into labour as you have no one to take you to hospital.

How many weeks are you now OP?
I ended up having weekly scans from 30 weeks and then had to be induced early for complications with baby not growing.
Do you have to decide now? Or later on? I wouldn't want my OH that far away from me at 36 weeks because of that reason

@WonderfulUsername have you read my posts.

In the worst case is there anyway he'd be able to video call on an iPad to be by your side virtually if you had baby earlier than expected?

Personally, at 36 weeks I would be fine with him going- I have never gone early, always 40+ weeks. Especially if it would make a significant difference to you financially (and will not going this time mean he may not get the same opportunity next year/in the future- it may well make no odds, but if someone else fills in for him, might they get in the door in future?). I also have friends and family close by who could help if I needed it, and am close to my mum so whilst I would infinitely prefer my DH there, I’d be fine.

But- and here is the big but- I’m not you and so I suppose it depends on how you feel you would cope vs the financial benefits of him going/future impact of him not going.

I’m currently 36 weeks. Gave birth at 38 last week. I think I would want husband here from 37+

for you, based on your last birth going to 40-41 weeks I could chill a bit. Make sure he’s back by 39 weeks as that’s the most common window

My husband went on holiday with his two older boys when I was 35 weeks. Granted he could get home quicker (though they were on a boat). I was a bit nervous but ok with it. I had my son just before 37 weeks.

My husband is in the reserves and has been for a long time so I completely understand your predicament. Time away is voluntary and he doesn't have to go then, he can make his bounty up doing another course at another time.

The issue here is his motivation he wants to do this course- I doubt very much he will be able to just go for one week, my husband went to Cyprus for two last year and the flights were a nightmare to organise- as its military you go when the airforce have space and time. It took three days for a plane to become available and was equally difficult getting back.

As for money the money would probably be very useful and useful for days to make up his bounty, but coupled with unreliable flights, I can't see the army giving up a space on a trip like that and the soldier only doing part of it- it's unfair to the other reservist's who will be desperately trying to get on that trip.

So from my experience it would be a hard no from me, he would have to hope a trip like this comes up again in the future. And now they are making reservists do regulars camps I bet it will, probably not next year though!

My husband has done that course once in 15 years of service- so it is a pretty rare course to do. Which is why him just going for a week is unfair and impossible!!!

Of course he can't go. What a selfish prat

Do you find comprehension difficult?

Op is clearly discussing this as an partnership with her husband, that doesn't make him a selfish prat.

When exactly would he be back?

Things can change very rapidly when you're pregnant. For that reason alone I'd be reluctant. But if you've got a good support network and will manage if he can't get back, then all is fine.