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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD Interrailing

64 replies

LeBearTeddy · 08/07/2023 13:01

DD1 turned 18 at the end of June, she had some money from her birthday and grandparents gave her more. Now she and 3 friends have impulsively decided they are going interrailing!! They've booked flights, hostels, sorted their travel days all in the last week or so. They leave on Monday and I'm so anxious. They are starting in Lisbon and taking a sort of weird route to Vienna. I feel like because they have arranged it in such a hurry something is bound to go wrong, they will have forgotten something etc. I'm also really upset as I was looking forward to summer with her, but now she gets back A-Level Results week and the week after is going to Greece with a big group of her sixth form friends, then 2 weeks after is move in week at uni!! I feel like I have no time left with her.
DD2 is having panic attacks thinking something bad is going to happen (she is 13).
AIBU to be so nervous? Anyone with any experience Interrailing got any advice I should pass on to her? Anything she should pack she might have forgotten?

OP posts:

L1ttledrummergirl · 08/07/2023 13:06

My dd was supposed to be interrailing with a friend, they were at the needing to get organised stage and dds friend has pulled out.
Dd is gutted, we are looking for other options and trying to persuade her not to lose a friend over a change of plans, but it's a difficult time for her.

It will give your dd some independence and teach skills she might not get otherwise. Wish her well and support her, trying to stop her may spoil your relationship.

madamemoth · 08/07/2023 13:07

I went interrailing when I was 17 and had the best time! She’s 18 and an adult - she will be absolutely fine. She’s not going alone and there’s safety in numbers. I’d recommend she takes a bum bag/money wallet to keep her valuables in, a portable charger, and a handwritten copy of important numbers. In the nicest way possible, you’re being way over the top about this. This is likely to be one of the best summers she has - let her live it.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 08/07/2023 13:09

No prizes for guessing where your 13 year old gets her anxiety from!

She’s getting trains through modern Europe, not hitchhiking through Caracas. She will be fine, just check she has appropriate travel insurance.

HousePlantNeglect · 08/07/2023 13:11

YABU she's 18 and an adult. She'll figure it out if she's forgotten something. I did this at the same age but in the dark ages without mobile phones or easily accessible internet and had a brilliant time.

i understand you feeling sad that you haven't much time with her before university but try not to let your anxiety impact on her trip.

Livinginanotherworld · 08/07/2023 13:14

Sounds fabulous, it’s just Europe she will be perfectly fine, if she forgets something as long as she has passport and funds available she can easily manage. Chill out.

DisquietintheRanks · 08/07/2023 13:14

Just check she's got very good health/travel insurance and an up to date European Health Care card.

Lucia574 · 08/07/2023 13:15

She will be fine. It’s a standard thing to do at her stage in life and it’s great that they have hostels etc booked. My own kids did the same at that stage. Ask her to post a photo every day so you can follow along on family WhatsApp group. Be pleased at the independent and joyful summer she is going to have!

Butchyrestingface · 08/07/2023 13:15

DD2 is having panic attacks thinking something bad is going to happen (she is 13).

She picking up your vibes?

ilovesooty · 08/07/2023 13:16

DisquietintheRanks · 08/07/2023 13:14

Just check she's got very good health/travel insurance and an up to date European Health Care card.

Seconded.

She'll be fine.

Whataretheodds · 08/07/2023 13:20

She'll be your daughter for the rest of time.
What a fabulous idea, I wish I had gone. There will be loads of discounts for young people at incredible museums, galleries etc. They'll see so and experience so much and make great memories together before they go to uni.

They'll learn independence.

Has she asked for your help with packing?

Whataretheodds · 08/07/2023 13:21

Ask her to post a photo every day so you can follow along on family WhatsApp group.

Please don't do this - if you (and DD2) are already so anxious (why??) Then you'll be be in bits if she doesn't post one day because she's out of battery/busy having fun. Just let her have the time.

idolikecoffeeverymuch · 08/07/2023 13:23

She will have a ball and learn so much. Let her go and don't smother her.

Your youngest will be picking up from you- don't let her ruin her relationship with her sister over this.

TedMullins · 08/07/2023 13:23

I had severe anxiety as a younger teenager and missed out on so much (school trips, days out etc). I wish I hadn’t, and had done something like this! I applaud teenagers who go Interrailing or backpacking and you should be encouraging her and waving her off with a smile. I went on medication at 16 and by 18 had recovered enough to abroad for the very first time with a friend - we saved up everything we got from our part time jobs and went to New York! Her mum helped us book and arrange everything and bought us maps and guidebooks (this was in the 00s so no citymapper or smartphones) and our parents cheerfully waved us off.

Ironically it turned out to be me doing most of the organising and navigating while we were there - my friend who went on 2-3 family holidays a year was a bit overwhelmed by the size and pace of New York but I found a new confidence and loved it. I’m sure my mum was worried having had experience of me pulling out of overseas school trips because the thought of them reduced me to a quivering, hyperventilating heap on the ground but she never showed it, she was mainly just proud and pleased I’d got past that stage and was finally able to do something adventurous.

I really wouldn’t wish my anxiety back then on anyone - don’t pass it on to her. Wave her off and wish her a good time. There’s way more technology available now than there was when I went away - citymapper and other booking/navigation apps, Google maps etc. at 18 it’s very normal to rather be with friends than your parents too, she has to grow up and develop independence. My parents have many faults but im grateful that doing my own thing is always something they encouraged.

Eventhedog · 08/07/2023 13:23

Good travel insurance! Beyond that, its Europe, anything she needs/forgets will be readily available. The only worrying thing about your post is your 13yr olds reaction, have you been sharing your anxiety with your younger daughter?

PartingGift · 08/07/2023 13:25

I went interrailing two summers in a row. First time I was 17/18 (had my 18th birthday drinking cocktails in Budapest), and second time I was 18/19.

The first summer I travelled with two friends and we planned everything meticulously before, train times, hostels, places to visit etc. The second time we just winged it and found somewhere to stay when we turned up. Both times were absolutely fine. And this was before smart phones.

She will be fine, and she'll have an amazing time.

I had very hands off parenting and only spoke to my parent once while I was away (we went for six weeks both times). My other two friends had to text their parents every day and let them know where they were. One of my friends dad's also bought us all a personal alarm 🤣.

Just make sure she has a money belt thing to wear under her clothes to keep her passport and some money in, health insurance.

DoggerelBank · 08/07/2023 13:26

Good for her! They'll have a blast. My 18 year old DS went inter railing on his own at 18, and is the world's most disorganised kid, but all went fine. DD went on her own too, although a bit older (23). If they're in a group, they'll have each other's backs. Don't think there's anything to worry about at all. Literally millions of young people have done this.
It's hard to let go - I get it. But be happy and excited for her and she's less likely to feel the need to push you away. You'll have her in your life much more in the decades to come if you can find a way to be excited and supportive of her many future adventures.

rookiemere · 08/07/2023 13:27

It's natural to be a bit nervous about your DD spreading her wings, but you have to plaster on a smile and wish her well. It's good there are 4 of them, so they are unlikely to be alone.

Why on earth is her DSis having panic attacks about this ?

Littlewhitedove · 08/07/2023 13:29

Just to reassure you...my daughter did this when she was 18. She and her friend were highly organised, had booked everything in advance and although I was worried, she kept in touch every day. They were very sensible girls and had a great experience. In the end if they ran into trouble we were only a short flight away from anywhere in Europe so I knew we could get there if needed (unlike the Far East where they were originally looking). We had their full itiniery so knew where they should be every night. In the end though, we did not need to have worried. They had the best time and have lots of memories from their trip. Try not to let her see your worry and be excited for her, she will love it.

elenacampana · 08/07/2023 13:29

I did something like this when I was 19 and it was brilliant. We had mobiles then but they were more the 3310 end of things so it was expensive texts and emails at internet cafes to stay in touch and it was fine.

She’s going to have the best summer of her life and then into uni so try to be positive for her. It’s a great thing to do with friends, fabulous learning curve and opportunity for you to enjoy and dedicate extra time to your younger child, while your adult daughter begins to spread her wings.

You’ve raised a young woman willing to adventure, be proud of yourself for that.

Deadringer · 08/07/2023 13:29

My dd is going interrailing too soon. I will worry about her of course but she will be perfectly safe with her friends, as will your dd. It sounds like they are very organised, booking everything in advance, they are travelling on trains in europe and staying in hostels, it will be just as safe as at home. Reassure your younger dd, tell her that her sister is going on a wonderful adventure and she will have loads to tell you both about her travels when she comes back.

Tidlywinks · 08/07/2023 13:33

I interailed in my early 20’s, brilliant summer! Sounds like she’ll have a fantastic summer and you should be pleased for her. You’ll understandably miss her but she’s going to have an amazing experience.

You need to sit down with your 13 year old and help her relax. It’s not good for her to feel so frightened about her older sister going away but it’s also rubbish for your older daughter who has an exciting summer planned but could end up feeling rotten about going away when she has a perfect right too.

cocunut · 08/07/2023 13:35

OP, I say this kindly and with good intentions but you and your younger daughter need to get a grip. She's not on her own, she is doing what thousands of young adults do, and she will be off to uni in September so I think you're being a bit over the top.
It is no surprise your youngest is so anxious.

liveforsummer · 08/07/2023 13:38

I'd be more worried about your 13 year olds anxiety than your DD's adventure. Something worth addressing and being more careful not to project your own anxiety. It sounds amazing and it's hardly a remote and dangerous place the other side of the world. She could come home at any point of not enjoying it. What might she have forgotten? Passport, money, phone and somewhere safe to keep these. Travel insurance . Sorted.

AppleCinnamonBagel · 08/07/2023 13:40

What a great summer your DD will have! I went interrailing when I was 19 and I loved it. I'd go again in a heartbeat.

You need to stop panicking and passing your panic onto your younger DD.

exexpat · 08/07/2023 13:41

She's in a group, she will be fine.

Things she needs:
travel insurance
if possible a GHIC (replacement for EHIC) but you may have left it too late
preferably a phone contract that includes EU roaming (eg giffgaff)
a low-fee way of paying for things when travelling (Monzo cards are good) and a way for you to send her emergency cash if needed
for you and her sister to stop panicking about something thousands of teenagers do every year and let her go and have a great time

(my DS went inter railing after A-levels, aged 17, with a group of friends; DD went solo this year aged 20 - they were both fine and coped with all the minor challenges when trains get cancelled last minute and so on)

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