DD Interrailing

[LeBearTeddy]

DD1 turned 18 at the end of June, she had some money from her birthday and grandparents gave her more. Now she and 3 friends have impulsively decided they are going interrailing!! They've booked flights, hostels, sorted their travel days all in the last week or so. They leave on Monday and I'm so anxious. They are starting in Lisbon and taking a sort of weird route to Vienna. I feel like because they have arranged it in such a hurry something is bound to go wrong, they will have forgotten something etc. I'm also really upset as I was looking forward to summer with her, but now she gets back A-Level Results week and the week after is going to Greece with a big group of her sixth form friends, then 2 weeks after is move in week at uni!! I feel like I have no time left with her.
DD2 is having panic attacks thinking something bad is going to happen (she is 13).
AIBU to be so nervous? Anyone with any experience Interrailing got any advice I should pass on to her? Anything she should pack she might have forgotten?

Just make certain she has good travel insurance.
Leave her to get on with it.

She is going to be using one of the best rail networks in the world in advanced safe European countries. Politely OP - you need to give your head a serious wobble, you are wildly overreacting. Getting lost / exploring/ seeing new places is exactly what she should be doing. Don't let your MH hold her back.

I think you also need to treat the fact your poor poor DD13 is having panic attacks - presumably she is learning from you - as a serious sign that your MH is having a seriously damaging impact on your family. It's not a normal reaction.

I did languages at university... at 19 my parents packed me off for my sandwich year to a European University...I knew no- one.... this was before mobiles. Yet somehow we all survived and I came back feeling like I could rise to any challenge. You can do it too, and so can your daughter.

Worst that will happen is she will phone you to ask if you can transfer more funds as she has over spent.
A lot of Europe is safer than London.
But if I was you I would be far more concerned about my 13 year old. That level of anxiety is not healthy.

Your younger daughter needs to be your priority. Why on earth is a teen having panic attacks about her older sister travelling in Europe?

I interrailed when I was 18 and then worked abroad for a year. Your eldest should be encouraged - she’ll be fine as long as uses common sense. Don’t hook up with blokes and stay together with friends.

Even if she doesn’t yet have the GHIC she can make the application and use the code supplied . A physical card isn’t vital.

But she definitely should apply as travel insurance assumes that you ll use that before making a claim

Like everyone else - youre over-reacting. Is it nore about the sadness of her flying the nest rather than actual worry about her safety on this trip?

If something goes wrong, they’ll deal with it. That’s part of life.

Make furs they have their Ghic form and decent travel insurance.

Hope they have a great time.

I think you should be more worried about your 13yo - going interrailing with your mates at 18 is normal, having panic attacks because your sister is going on holiday is not. I hope she’s okay and you can get her some support for her anxiety.

Goodness. If any child of mine didn't want to go travelling before university, I'd disown her.

I went interrailing when I was 18 and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I think it's generally really healthy for most young people to do something like it as well. Encourages independence and gives amazing memories. Granted I am European and it was before brexit anyway so unsure of there are any additional considerations yous should make.

Although unsure my mum would feel the same as I ended up meeting my now husband in one of the countries and then moved here and remain 8 years later 😅 kidding of course she's happy as I'm happy.
But basically cannot recommend it enough. And Europe is beautiful by rail.

My DD did this at the same age too. She went with some friends from sixth form after A Levels had finished, and before they were due to go to uni. They loved it and had an absolute blast! 😃

Make sure that she has good travel and medical insurance. Take it out for her if necessary. Then just see her off cheerfully at the airport and wish them all a great trip.

It's natural to be anxious, but you know you have to keep it under wraps.

Remember that this is Europe, a relatively short trip really and all only a fairly easy and quick flight away if she should need you (unlikely).

I do understand your feelings. This time last year my youngest (DD3, then 20, now almost 21) was heading off to Paraguay to start the first leg of her obligatory year abroad. I was anxious and tearful leaving her at the airport, and so was she. Not that I didn't think she would manage, but it was just so far away if anything were to go wrong (it didn't, even though there were occasional wobbles), and fear of the unknown. She made friends with people going on the same scheme and they were all fine. Her older sister travelled out for the last couple of weeks and they had a great time hopping around South America and doing the Inca Trail together. She also knew that if she really needed me then I would have made a way to get out to her.

She's now coming to the end of the second leg of the year abroad which she has spent in Italy. We have visited her there, and are going out again soon for her last few days there and she will be coming back on the same flight as us.

Try to relax. Your DD is starting to spread her wings now, and she'll be fine. You have to step back and let her go, hard though it is. Just ensure that she knows you are there if needed.

When my DC went Interrailing by themselves I bought an add-on to their phone contract to enable EU data roaming etc so they didn't have to worry about finding wifi. Also a pre-paid currency card which could be topped up when needed (and could be used like a normal Mastercard). I can understand you feeling sad about not spending the expected time with your DD this summer but it will such a formative experience for her.

I think you should be incredible proud of your DD for getting herself organized, booking stuff, sorting it out and going
Interrailing is having a huge renaissance and is very popular again with this age group. There will be loads of young people on their 'route'...routes seem to be all over tiktok and they all go the same route...rather back when gap years through far east to australia were all the rage ...

I would be far more worried about a 13 yr old with such severe anxiety

Now I want to go interrailing again.

Well jealous.

You should be thrilled for her, OP. Not only that she's getting to do a bit of travelling, but that she has good friends to do it with.

If you need something to focus on, perhaps turn your attention to your DDs's anxiety issues before they start to impact her life in a negative way.

Perfect reply and exactly what I was about to write so thought I’d just repost yours instead!

Allow her to experience life, it's lovely for her and her friends to stretch their wings, be happy for her, you can't beat an adventurous spirit.

I went interrailing at that age. All over Europe. Was 25 years ago so no mobile. I rang my mum from a phone booth once a week and had the time of my life.

Just relax and let her enjoy the experience. It is a completely normal thing to do. Do not ruin if for her with your anxiety. She is in a group. It will be absolutely fine!

I agree, good response @ChannelyourinnerElsa .
My DD and her friend traveled all over Morocco when they left school (this was 25 years ago!) they didn’t tell me until they returned that they’d actually flown to Madrid then hitchhiked!
No mobile posh phone then other than the most basic.
I just made sure they had good travel insurance and kept my fingers crossed!

Thanks everyone,
Luckily they sorted their GHIC for other trips planned a few months ago so that is all good. DH helped them all sort insurance (sat head of the table with them all on laptops sorting it so I'm sure he's got that right).
I suggested a bumbag but she is taking two backpacks one massive one and another day one, she said she will just wear it on her front or carry it on travel days. She already banked with Starling and has told me they are fine for travel and her phone contract. She just set up a new sim only contract in her name that has EU roaming included.
She was broken up with 2 days before her birthday so I think I'm just worried shes going to be silly as a form of healing a broken heart (sleep with random guys), but hopefully she is sensible and doesn't do that.
DH thinks they will be fine, 2 of them are boys and he said that reassures them as it should deter any ill intentioned men. He's a secondary school head teacher though so is far more aware of teens abilities than I am.
DD1 is very much her dads daughter, DD2 is more shy and like me. I think DD2 just doesn't want her sister to go!! But I'll look into help for the anxiety

Ds went interailing earlier this year 3.5 weeks, came home & then moved in to his first home with his dp, he gets married in August. It feels sad that he most likely won't ever live at home again.

Mine managed to lose most of her possessions (fortunately not her passport) and get wrong trains to the middle of nowhere on her first solo trip. But she came home excitedly planning the next time.

Be glad yours is going with a mate so you won’t get a text saying ‘I’ve lost my wallet and my card and my phone charger and I have 4% on my battery what do I do tell me quickly??’

(Western Union, for emergency cash transfer, if you were wondering. Just don’t lose the passport on top.)

Not even train cancellations will be an issue - the inter rail app is great for planning changes to routes. DH and I took 3 weeks off and went recently, I wish I’d had the finances to do it as a student!

Well, at this point the vote is 100% YABU.
That should tell you something.

I mean, YA not BU to worry about them.
It is part of loving someone, to be a bit worried when they are away.
But YABU to make this about you and about your younger dd.
This is exactly the sort of thing she should be doing at 18, and she is lucky enough to have the money and friends to do it with.

I expect there will be odd things that don't go according to plan - that is all par for the course but dealing with those blips and learning from them is all part of the journey.
She will have a blast.
Please don't try to bring her down by putting a dampner on it.

Relax - she is an adult. Of course she wants to do this and will have loads of fun. I did similar when I was under 18 just with one friend.