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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you call a man who.....

80 replies

userzH · 07/07/2023 00:01

Falls out with his wife for no reason other than he is stressed and tired.

Doesn't speak or see her for 3 days. Goes to his mums.

Speaks to her when he's ready too. She cries because of how she's been treated. He ends things. He posts his keys to the house through the door.

The next day he says he wants to try again but his wife is still stuck feeling well and truly confused about everything. He doesn't apologise. She's not exactly jumping for joy and her wall is up. He senses this and gets offended.

He says cannot listen to anymore of her tears. This makes her angry. The tears are caused by him.

He ends things again.

She is me.

OP posts:
Original poster
userzH · 07/07/2023 00:03

Oh he then turns off his location (which he likes to have on so he can see where I am) as punishment.

OP posts:
Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:03

Well you said yourself stressed and tired, which could point to depression or the start of mental health issues.

Not hard to work out really

JMSA · 07/07/2023 00:04

Narcissistic, controlling and emotionally avoidant?
I'm no expert, but that's what sprung to my mind. Perhaps others will have different views.
So sorry OP SadFlowers

JMSA · 07/07/2023 00:05

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:03

Well you said yourself stressed and tired, which could point to depression or the start of mental health issues.

Not hard to work out really

Yes, but this wouldn't necessarily lead to mental cruelty.

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:06

JMSA · 07/07/2023 00:05

Yes, but this wouldn't necessarily lead to mental cruelty.

Show quote history

Oh so you have an issue with people whom suffer mental health?

BreviloquentBastard · 07/07/2023 00:06

I'd call him a twat.

5foot5 · 07/07/2023 00:06

You could also call him an ex

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2023 00:07

If you have any sense whatsoever, you call him your Ex.

Get rid of this narcissistic, abusive arsehole.

Hoardasurass · 07/07/2023 00:07

Abusive is the word that comes to mind for me.
Please take this as an opportunity and run. He's out and gone block and delete him on everything.

JMSA · 07/07/2023 00:07

@Gulikitti

Eh? Confused

Chewbaccaslime · 07/07/2023 00:08

An absolute fucking twat.

Mines gone running off to his mums in a sulk today after he said he wasn't sure if he loved and I didn't beg him to stay. He's asleep now (or blocked me) while I'm in bed crying

BreviloquentBastard · 07/07/2023 00:08

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:06

Oh so you have an issue with people whom suffer mental health?

Show quote history

I have an issue with people who think mental health problems are a free pass to emotionally abuse their spouse, yes.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 07/07/2023 00:08

If it’s not usual behaviour, I’d suggest that perhaps he’s either looking for a way out of the marriage or not happy in the marriage and trying to twist things to make it seem it’s the wife’s fault so he can leave? The stress might have brought these feelings to a head perhaps. Maybe he needs to make himself feel that the wife is being unreasonable so he can justify leaving so cruelly.

OR, the stress could have caused him to have some kind of mental health crisis and he’s not well at the moment. Some people really don’t deal well with stress - myself included - and it can really push them to do weird and/or reckless things.

If it is regular behaviour then he’s an abusive bully.

Either way, let him go. He sounds cruel (unless he’s having a MH crisis) and begging him to come back won’t make him come back and you’ll regret having done it in the future if he stays away.

PonyPatter44 · 07/07/2023 00:09

Who cares if he has poor mental health? He's a nasty wanker who likes messing with his wife's head. The best thing you could call him is an ex.

DreamTheMoors · 07/07/2023 00:10

You don’t.

You don’t call him ever again.

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:10

BreviloquentBastard · 07/07/2023 00:08

I have an issue with people who think mental health problems are a free pass to emotionally abuse their spouse, yes.

Show quote history

Typical goady response I'd expect from MN, No surprise. So I won't be taking your bait tonight 🥱

WowzerPopcorn · 07/07/2023 00:10

Either immature, selfish or as others have said, a that. Take your pick! Lucky escape either way.

Iknowthis1 · 07/07/2023 00:11

Is this sort of behaviour out of character for him?

BreviloquentBastard · 07/07/2023 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
userzH · 07/07/2023 00:12

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 07/07/2023 00:08

If it’s not usual behaviour, I’d suggest that perhaps he’s either looking for a way out of the marriage or not happy in the marriage and trying to twist things to make it seem it’s the wife’s fault so he can leave? The stress might have brought these feelings to a head perhaps. Maybe he needs to make himself feel that the wife is being unreasonable so he can justify leaving so cruelly.

OR, the stress could have caused him to have some kind of mental health crisis and he’s not well at the moment. Some people really don’t deal well with stress - myself included - and it can really push them to do weird and/or reckless things.

If it is regular behaviour then he’s an abusive bully.

Either way, let him go. He sounds cruel (unless he’s having a MH crisis) and begging him to come back won’t make him come back and you’ll regret having done it in the future if he stays away.

Life has been stressful for the last 18 months which was when I left him the first time. He promised he would change.

His mood swings are not uncommon.

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 07/07/2023 00:13

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:10

Typical goady response I'd expect from MN, No surprise. So I won't be taking your bait tonight 🥱

Show quote history

But you expect everybody else to take yours?

Alrighty then.

Original poster
userzH · 07/07/2023 00:13

Iknowthis1 · 07/07/2023 00:11

Is this sort of behaviour out of character for him?

No he's very unpredictable. Always has been. Never know what's coming next with him

OP posts:
Original poster
userzH · 07/07/2023 00:14

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 00:03

Well you said yourself stressed and tired, which could point to depression or the start of mental health issues.

Not hard to work out really

He absolutely has mental health issues. He has done in forever. I have done all I can to help him but ultimately all I am is the one he takes it out on

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2023 00:16

Take control of your life and block the abusive fucker.

Spottedsox · 07/07/2023 00:16

Unhappiness and not a healthy existence for you.
I am going to ask why stay in the hope of nothing that will change.
Do not be scared to break this cycle of misery and run for your life.
Opportunity is always available to leave.
Within months you can have no tears and a healthier stable existence.