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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I probably won't hear from this first date again...

59 replies

janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 22:49

We've been messaging for a month because of our holidays and nor being able to meet until now. Really hit it off.

The date lasted just under 3 hours. I felt some chemistry and there were a few moments of prolonged eye contact and when our legs touched under the table he didn't move. But he didn't try to kiss me/gave me a big hug at the end and said 'ill see you soon' with no mention of another date. We had a lot in common and a good laugh.

I don't know. Previous dates that went somewhere the guy always said he wanted to meet again soon on the first date ans they usually try to kiss me. What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 06/07/2023 23:04

I don’t think any of us can tell you! Nobody can know his intentions.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:09

@Sparklesocks I know. It's just that I'll see you soon doesn't seem great, as usually with long term relationships the guy always tried to arrange the next meet up. And as I mentioned I've always been kissed on a first date.

I suppose it's a first date and doesn't matter in the long run, but I liked him and would see him again for a second date.

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 06/07/2023 23:11

I agree….. even if he messaged and was interested, I wouldn’t be, because I want a man, who if he really likes me after the first date says so and wants to make sure he’s arranged the second date before we part company!

Summer2424 · 06/07/2023 23:15

Hi @janeseymour78 a 3 hour date is a good date! I think he will ask for another date, if he doesn't then it's his loss! Xx

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:16

Yeah @Newusernameaug doesn't make me feel great to not have a more firm expression of interest. 😊

He was keen messaging pretty much every day before this so if I don't hear by tomorrow I can only assume he wasn't feeling it!

OP posts:
Original poster
janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:28

Oh he just messaged asking if I got home ok and asking if I did. He then said it was lovely meet to meet me but that's it?

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 06/07/2023 23:31

janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:28

Oh he just messaged asking if I got home ok and asking if I did. He then said it was lovely meet to meet me but that's it?

You can reply it was lovely to meet you yoo and I would enjoy seeing you sometime next week

You don't have to be passive about this. You have autonomy. Go for what you want.

Barleysugar86 · 06/07/2023 23:31

Hmm he sounds kind of lukewarm. I've had some of these, sometimes we've gone out again but I don't think they really heat up from here, sorry OP.

Isthisexpected · 06/07/2023 23:32

I've never been kissed on a first date and wouldn't want to be. Neither of my husbands made any physical attempts such as a kiss before maybe the third date.

Messaging you if you got home OK is entirely appropriate. I think you'll soon know his intentions. If he wants to see you again, he'll set his stall out very quickly.

GoodChat · 06/07/2023 23:33

Maybe he doesn't want to seem full on and is wondering why you didn't go for the kiss.

Just tell him you would like to see him again.

Hotpinkangel19 · 06/07/2023 23:33

GoodChat · 06/07/2023 23:33

Maybe he doesn't want to seem full on and is wondering why you didn't go for the kiss.

Just tell him you would like to see him again.

This.

Malbecormerlot · 06/07/2023 23:35

I didnt kiss my now husband until about our 5th date. Took it slow got to know each other. Previous relationships were kisses on first dates sex by third but didn't last. We are now 15 years mostly happily married. Enjoy getting to know if each other don't over think. If it's meant to be it will be.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:38

You're right @cassiatwenty - I'll do that and then the ball is in his court.

He's definitely not gung go @Barleysugar86. I mean I'm not ready to get married but I know I'd like a second date so may as well say so.

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 06/07/2023 23:39

Nothing to lose by saying 'really had a good time, do you fancy meeting up next week?'.

sandyhappypeople · 06/07/2023 23:39

Jesus, Have we time warped into the 1950’s? Get a grip woman and just tell him if you like him!! Maybe he doesn’t realise you’re hesitating because you want him to make all the moves, maybe he’s thinks you’re holding back because you’re not keen, and doesn’t want to be rejected, he’s giving you all the signals though, and texting to make sure you’re okay.

Also ‘see you soon’ is the sort of thing I’d awkwardly blurt out at the end of a date because I couldn’t think of anything witty or charming to say!! 😂

ThisWormHasTurned · 06/07/2023 23:41

I had similar. Started OLD last year after years of marriage.
Got a kiss on the cheek after the first date. I was proactive and asked him on a second date. End of the second date we had a kiss but it was lacklustre. Didn’t see him again.
When I met my OH, there was instant chemistry. He asked for a second date and a kiss there and then 😆 I commented later that he was very proactive and he said ‘I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to secure that second date’! 7 months in, still going strong.
Honestly, I found if someone was lukewarm on the first date it never got better….I wouldn’t chase this one, I’d see how it goes.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 06/07/2023 23:41

I think he's keeping his options open, he has had a few opportunities to ask to go out again (on date, by text). I wouldn't personally ask him to go out again because I've done that once or twice and every time I've been the one asking it's never worked out. If you don't mind the uncertainty, you could just respond in kind and see what happens, or say it would be good to see you again, but my feeling is he won't then leap forward and say 'when'?

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:46

@ThisWormHasTurned yeah - my serious ex snogged me at the end of the first date and asked for a second date right away. He turned out to be a cheat but that aside...

I guess I don't want to feel like I'm chasing him but would rather be straight forward and get an answer now. If he doesn't want to meet again he'll probably send a polite no thanks. I think I'd be ok with that. I had a really nice time and thought he funny and decent.

And at least now Ive been on a date and got over that hurdle!

OP posts:
yipeeyiyay · 06/07/2023 23:52

Good god. Men can't win. He messaged to check o was safely home and said he enjoyed meeting her and that's apparently too Luke warm. If he raved in about how much her liked her after one date this place would be blowing up about red flags, love bombing and telling the OP to block the creep

Tannedandfake · 06/07/2023 23:54

janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:28

Oh he just messaged asking if I got home ok and asking if I did. He then said it was lovely meet to meet me but that's it?

Polite even if not interested in another date

JMSA · 06/07/2023 23:54

If a man likes and wants you, he lets you know.

All the 'maybe he was waiting for you to kiss him'. Just no. That's not how it works.

That said, I would definitely ask him if he's up for meeting again. Then you'll know where you stand one way or the other. I do agree that he sounds lukewarm though ... sorry, OP.

JMSA · 06/07/2023 23:56

yipeeyiyay · 06/07/2023 23:52

Good god. Men can't win. He messaged to check o was safely home and said he enjoyed meeting her and that's apparently too Luke warm. If he raved in about how much her liked her after one date this place would be blowing up about red flags, love bombing and telling the OP to block the creep

Well, balance is key. He sounds very nice and polite. But the next step forward is to ask for another date. It doesn't have to be lacklustre or stalker ... somewhere in the middle is good Grin

mondaytosunday · 06/07/2023 23:59

Give the guy a break! My husband kissed me on the cheek and I didn't hear from him for a week! He asked me to marry him six weeks later.

JMSA · 07/07/2023 00:00

mondaytosunday · 06/07/2023 23:59

Give the guy a break! My husband kissed me on the cheek and I didn't hear from him for a week! He asked me to marry him six weeks later.

I'd say that's the exception rather than the rule!

BreviloquentBastard · 07/07/2023 00:04

janeseymour78 · 06/07/2023 23:46

@ThisWormHasTurned yeah - my serious ex snogged me at the end of the first date and asked for a second date right away. He turned out to be a cheat but that aside...

I guess I don't want to feel like I'm chasing him but would rather be straight forward and get an answer now. If he doesn't want to meet again he'll probably send a polite no thanks. I think I'd be ok with that. I had a really nice time and thought he funny and decent.

And at least now Ive been on a date and got over that hurdle!

You're using the actions of a man who cheated on you as a yardstick against which to measure future first dates? And that seems like a good idea why exactly?