To wish my parents hadn't moved abroad

[toastbutterandmarmite]

My parents moved to Spain around 15 years ago. I love going away to see them on holidays, it's amazing and I am so happy they are living their best life out there. They do have a cottage in the U.K. but weirdly they purchased a place nearly two hours from me and my brother, so when they are in the country they aren't local. I'm a single parent and my house isn't big enough to have them to stay annoyingly.

I'm not sure of this post, but I just miss having my parents round the corner. I always have even pre children. My mum doesn't seem to understand and just says that 'I'd get bored if I saw her all the time.' And 'I didn't have my mum living local when I was an adult either.' She seems to think it's great that I get holidays (which it is) but it also puts a lot of pressure spending condensed periods of time together. I know they are really happy and I genuinely love that, but selfishly I would love to have them near to pop in and have a cup of tea and have them round for lunch at the weekends. I think maybe, as they are getting older I'm getting more sentimental.

I completely get it. But I agree with others that you can’t keep telling them how much you miss them because they’ll feel guilt tripped.

my parents moved about 6 hours away, I wish they hadn’t. I go into town and see women having a coffee with their mum and dad and I think that could be us. Also they miss out on getting to know the grandchildren.

at least your parents are happy though! My mum regrets going.

I'm glad somebody else said it!

Is "popping for a cuppa" really code for hot and cold free childminder?

this in spades.

I have similar feelings about a parent who moved a long way away. I do miss them directly but I also really worry about how on earth I will support them when they come to need it as they have no nearby relatives - nearest is a sibling who isn't much younger and is still 200 miles away.

WOW! @catmothertes1 if that's the way you think great for you! Not everyone thinks like this! If you'd read the thread you'd see that!

The difficulties of supporting older parents are so great anyway, abroad just adds another layer of anxiety and stress, even if you 'just' have to travel to a European country. But getting twenty years of enjoyment prior to that is probably worth it (for them). I love living near the relative I love the most, I'm glad the others all live abroad!

It's perfectly okay to move away if that's what you want to do but it may not be very future proof in your twilight years and can set you up for all sorts of problems.

My partner's parents (divorced) both moved away from their children, one to the Isle of Wight, the other to Spain. Yes lots of holidays in the good years but now both are elderly they don't benefit from having family close by.

His dad is very poorly but trips to the Isle of Wight are very expensive especially in the summer, also accommodation required. My partner would happily see him every day if he could but can't because of the distance. His mum is already muting about who she's going to live with if her husband goes before her as she can't afford to buy, let alone rent in the UK. Looking forward to that discussion!

OP do you think you’d miss them to such an extent if you weren’t a single parent?

@FarTooHotForMe I missed them when I was single, I missed them when I had a partner but was childless, I missed them when I had a partner and a child and I miss them now I'm single and I have a child. I have other family near I just miss my mum and dad!

I get what you mean OP. My parents also live abroad and I really wish they were closer to be able to see them at weekends and maybe for them to help occasionally with my DC. I’d love DC to have a good relationship with them. They come back to the UK a few times a year but it means we have to see them for a concentrated time. Even if they do a quick pop back it’s a long weekend. We can never see them for just a day or to have lunch. I am very envious of my friends who have their parents close and can just pop round to see them often.

I also feel that I’m just not as high priority to them. I’m glad they are enjoying their life as they wish to, I’m glad they are happy, I just wish that being close to me and their grandchildren would make them happy and they would want us in their life more. But I can’t change things and don’t let them know my feelings

I know what you mean OP. I moved two hours away from my parents for a job and surprised myself by missing being able to do adult things with them. When I had kids they came to me every fortnight for the day and I went to them most half terms and holidays for a week. I still had pangs to move home and felt homesick. It wasn’t a childcare issue. I didn’t need help with that.

Of course move abroad if you want as it’s your life, but having grandchildren abroad for 6 weeks isn’t necessarily that helpful really. I wouldn’t send my DC abroad without me or my DH until they are much older, and wouldn’t want them away / they wouldn’t want to be away from friends for longer than a week or two anyway. My parents will be coming across occasionally in the holidays to help out but for a week at a time max.

It isn’t helpful to not have to pay childcare for six weeks ? Well lucky you you’re in a great position financially then. It’s what our family does and it’s worked really well so we’re gonna stick with it.

No it would be great not to have to pay for it, but my DC will want to do other things in their holidays rather than be shipped off to another country for 6 weeks. It’s time to see their friends, have days out with me and DH and family friends, their clubs do holiday camps. I also wouldn’t send them abroad at a young age without me so it’s a while until they will be able to go in the holidays anyway. I have spent many holidays over the last number of years going to the same place to visit my parents and I want my kids to experience different places rather than always the same one!

I feel for you OP. My Mum is 5 minutes away and I'd hate it if she moved abroad.

I know how you feel. My parents live 6 hours away and my in laws live abroad. I really miss their presence in my life. Not much we can do about it though.

It is brilliant that you miss your parents op. It means they did a wonderful job of loving you.

The feeling of missing them is actually the the love you share.

I know that does not make it any easier to bear.

YANBU. It must be so difficult.

Wow that escalated. Are you ok PP? I hope you don’t use language like that talking to your DC.

My parents lived in the US for a decade from when I got married to when my youngest was 6. I missed them terribly and a wonderful three week holiday once a year didn’t make up for it. I’m tempted sometimes to move abroad but I wouldn’t do it to my kids.

I get it. I’m the same but round the other way - 2 of my adult children live overseas with little ones . It’s very very intensive time together and very tiring but I’ve no other choice if I want to stay close to them all.
Ive a much better relationship with my children and grandchildren round the corner - meet from school, bit of childcare when asked, cup of tea after work etc. I know the grandchildren and their little quirks so well.
But it is what it is and I would never let them know it makes me sad.
Its just life and how life has turned out

I think your parents are really lucky to have a daughter who loves them so much, OP.

Really? The pp read as a perfectly reasonable post to me.

Did it ? Maybe that reflects poorly on you as well?