Made a poor, expensive decision and feel such an idiot

[Discowings]

Just for context, I’m usually the most chilled out, in-control person ever. I run a successful business and have two happy kids that I’ve raised single-handedly.

I am going on holiday in the summer to visit some relatives and I have some clients near where my family live.

The plan was to go for the visit and for my kids to stay overnight with the family for 2 separate nights while I went for dinners with the clients. (I’m taking my kids away for the whole summer so they’ll have plenty of quality time with me).

A few days back I had a really disturbing message from someone who is very mentally unwell, threatening me and the kids and making horrendous accusations about me. He’s no actual danger to us (he lives overseas) but it shook me to the core and I’ve been filled with anxiety ever since.

It shook me up so much though, that after another sleepless night last night, I ended up calling for the babysitter we use at home (the kids LOVE her) and asking if she fancied flying out for a few days, so she can stay with the kids in the hotel while I go to the meetings. The thought of not being with the kids before they went to bed, or having them stay away from me overnight, was shaking me up so much after these messages. It cost me an absolute fortune to buy her flight and a hotel room, but was a huge weight off my shoulders.

I’ve just called my relatives to tell them about the change of plan(I didn’t say why, I just said it was easier for my meeting schedule, which is also true). They were really disgruntled as they’d been looking forward to having the kids for the sleepover and had organised their spare room in preparation.

Over the next few hours, I then heard from both clients that they may need to potentially cancel the meetings anyway.

Now I just feel worse. I’ve pissed off my family, spent a whole ton of money (non-refundable) on flying the babysitter out, and the bloody meetings might not even go ahead. I feel so embarrassed.

I am usually the epitome of calm and organised. It’s so unlike me to make such a rash decision. I was just so overwhelmed with anxiety after those messages that I needed to take some control of the situation.

I have to now go and tell my disgruntled relatives and my lovely babysitter and my kids that I’ve spent a ton of money and messed everyone around, and it was probably all for nothing because my meetings might be cancelled.

Not really sure what my AIBU is. I just feel so silly and overwhelmed and so angry with myself.

Tell them what you told us. It’s not a mistake to keep your children safe, no money could ever replace them.

You did what was right at the time - you thought of everybody's safety, which is always the most important thing.

It may have been expensive, it might not be necessary - but if you do have those meetings, you can go to them absolutely securely and without worry.

That sounds very frustrating but you made a rational set of decisions based on the circumstances. You couldn't have foreseen that the meetings would be cancelled, as annoying as it is.

You might be able to get credit notes for the babysitter's flight and accommodation (I think BA allow you to change tickets to a different flight).

I would tell my relatives what happened. You have absolutely no reason to hide the abusive, scary messages you received. It wasn't your fault and you are not to blame.

I would understand if I was your relative.

Jesus fucking Christ did you have to post the picture? Telling us your toe was sore was enough.

You need medical attention for your toe!

also, create your own thread with a warning in the title. I did not expect to see that on this thread and it was alarming! I hope you’re ok.

@Slinky1968 you need to go to A and E now, as that looks infected and could even be gangrene and could be very serious and dangerous if you ignore it.

please tell the Drs that you are anxious and they will be very gentle but it needs seeing NOW.

do you have diabetes as that looks like a diabetes related foot infection

Sorry im
new and didn’t mean to upset anyone.

Sorry I haven’t posted before . I didn’t mean to upset anyone

Don't worry. If you post it on the medical section people will help.

I agree with A&E though.

General health I meant. Search in topics and then pop it on there.

My eyes 😭

Take advantage of having her on holiday with you and get lots of help, dinners out and lie ins - get your moneys worth 🩷

Im missing the bit whereby you thought a babysitter was more safer than family members ?

Thanks all. I didn’t see the toe post but I hope the poster is ok!

indeed.

It’s fine , you will be able to have some nice adult meals out whilst your babysitter does her thing

Why wouldn't your children have been safe with your family? And is the deranged man in the same country as them? Could you have reported him to the police?
To me it sounds like an overreaction on your part, but you know best. Really hope your meetings go ahead OP, so that you don't feel you've wasted your money.
And please don't feel bad, you did what you thought was for the best at the time. And we've all made crazy and costly decisions at one point or another!

It’s not actually a safety thing. The person in question isn’t any actual threat to me or my kids. He’s at the other side of the world. It’s just left me with an overwhelming feeling of discomfort (it’s hard to articulate, it was a decision borne out of anxiety and not a particularly rational thought) and knowing I could have the kids nearby and having to drop them somewhere where they’d be away from me the whole night, made me feel much more in control of the situation.

As I say, it wasn’t super rational (which is exactly the reason I’m saying I’m so embarrassed and feel stupid).

At the root of all this, the only issue is that the meeting has been cancelled and that is completely out of your control! Everything that was in your control has been handled perfectly.
Explain the situation to the babysitter, maybe even give details on why you wanted her to come and she will understand. Explain to your family, they will understand.
You did great mama, the only people who are let downs here are your clients

Don’t feel bad. It’s frustrating, but just one of those things.
Definitely check if you can get a credit note for the flight. It’s worth calling them up to check. Or maybe you can make changes to it, even if not cancelled, and you could use it for another trip another time.

You can often cancel flight bookings within 24 hours for near enough a full refund.

You did what you thought was right. As parents we have to do it all the time. Not always this expensive, but at different levels every single day.
But maybe try and find out why communication from across the other side of the world made you feel like this. That's more of an issue than what you actually did.

Goodness OP, cut yourself some slack. This is not the end of the world.