Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday on my due date

56 replies

Hah20 · 03/07/2023 20:48

I am due baby number 2, which will be via c section. Unless baby comes early I will be given a c section date at somepoint in my 39th week.
My mother was aware of this week window in which baby will be born and has booked a holiday with her partner abroad for this exact week
I am upset but not exactly surprised that she would prioritise a holiday with her partner over being here for the birth of her grandchild.just hoping for some opinions?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 03/07/2023 20:50

Did you need her help? Had she promised her help? Most MN posts I see are from people wanting to keep relatives away after the birth.

MummyJ36 · 03/07/2023 20:51

Had she said she would come and help you? I mean either way it’s crappy and not what you’d expect of your mum. But just wondering if she’s now backtracking on something she said she do.

HadalyEve · 03/07/2023 20:51

Have you told her it is upsetting and what support you want from her? Has she helped at all with your first DC?

veryfluffyfluff · 03/07/2023 20:51

Maybe she thought that was a good time to do it as she could then be refreshed to help you out when you're out of hospital rather than when you're stuck in it??

veryfluffyfluff · 03/07/2023 20:52

Just the one ? Sorry

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/07/2023 20:52

veryfluffyfluff · 03/07/2023 20:51

Maybe she thought that was a good time to do it as she could then be refreshed to help you out when you're out of hospital rather than when you're stuck in it??

Yup I agree, unless you were relying on her for child care for your older child. At least you know the date so you can arrange someone else for this.

iLovee · 03/07/2023 20:53

That's rubbish OP I'm sorry! I would be really disappointed if that was me. Good luck with it all 🩷

FifiRebel · 03/07/2023 20:53

I begged my mum not to go on holiday at 33 weeks - she was my birth partner (single mother). She told me I was being ridiculous.

My baby was born via emergency c section at 30 weeks.

forallitsworth · 03/07/2023 20:53

YANBU but people on here will tell you you are being unreasonable

People on here seem to enjoy saying that you shouldn’t expect anything of your family, rely on them or hope they’d be there for you. It’s not representative of real life. You are not unreasonable at all

Original poster
Hah20 · 03/07/2023 20:54

We hadn't discussed it, I wasnt expecting any formal help as she does still work, but I had hoped she would be interested enough to want to be in the country. She only lives down the road so knows she would be able to meet baby as soon as we are back from the hospital.

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 03/07/2023 20:57

What’s your plan for dc1? Do you have other people to ask to have them while you are in hospital?

it is disappointing but just remember this when she wants to be prioritised in the future.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/07/2023 20:58

Is that the only time she and her partner could get off together?

DappledThings · 03/07/2023 20:58

She only lives down the road so knows she would be able to meet baby as soon as we are back from the hospital.
She's only away for a week. So she'll be able to meet the baby at a maximum 6 days old. Really no difference between a 1 day old and a 6 day old.

If she'd agreed to care for your older one while you're in labour then you might have a point, otherwise this is a non-issue.

NuffSaidSam · 03/07/2023 21:01

Do the grandparents need the be at the birth? Probably better to keep that for you and your partner and then your mum will be around from when the baby is a few days old to see them/help/be a doting grandparent. It's not like she's gone travelling for six months!

HadalyEve · 03/07/2023 21:15

Hah20 · 03/07/2023 20:54

We hadn't discussed it, I wasnt expecting any formal help as she does still work, but I had hoped she would be interested enough to want to be in the country. She only lives down the road so knows she would be able to meet baby as soon as we are back from the hospital.

Perhaps you should discuss it? Because her knowing she could visit you and baby the second youre home from the hospital isn’t the same as being told that she is wanted then.

Women are all different. I didn’t want my mother anywhere near me for the labour or birth. About a month post-partum was when I wanted her.

When it comes to whether to visit, I tend to think it’s up to the mother to say what she wants/needs? So grandparents should take their cues from you. If you haven’t discussed anything, and are assuming there is a certain expectation of good grandparents, I haven’t really found any that are universal.

Cottoncandysticks · 03/07/2023 21:27

Unless your mums your midwife, Why does it matter? Neither of my parents met my baby for a good couple of weeks . I found peopling far too annoying. I just wanted to sleep in between making bottles and washing sleep suits. Your house will probably be a tip too, I really struggled to clean in the sage after my section . Just relax and enjoy baby and show her when she gets back?

Cottoncandysticks · 03/07/2023 21:28

Cottoncandysticks · 03/07/2023 21:27

Unless your mums your midwife, Why does it matter? Neither of my parents met my baby for a good couple of weeks . I found peopling far too annoying. I just wanted to sleep in between making bottles and washing sleep suits. Your house will probably be a tip too, I really struggled to clean in the sage after my section . Just relax and enjoy baby and show her when she gets back?

*Days!

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:30

Cottoncandysticks · 03/07/2023 21:27

Unless your mums your midwife, Why does it matter? Neither of my parents met my baby for a good couple of weeks . I found peopling far too annoying. I just wanted to sleep in between making bottles and washing sleep suits. Your house will probably be a tip too, I really struggled to clean in the sage after my section . Just relax and enjoy baby and show her when she gets back?

You sound like a right laugh

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:31

YANBU, I’d be pissed off in your shoes

My mum took two weeks off around my section date to help out, I’d honestly not speak to her again if she had done anything less tbh

HadalyEve · 03/07/2023 21:34

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:31

YANBU, I’d be pissed off in your shoes

My mum took two weeks off around my section date to help out, I’d honestly not speak to her again if she had done anything less tbh

Did you discuss it with her, or did she read your mind?

Businessflake · 03/07/2023 21:34

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 21:31

YANBU, I’d be pissed off in your shoes

My mum took two weeks off around my section date to help out, I’d honestly not speak to her again if she had done anything less tbh

You would have stopped speaking to your Mum if she’d taken any less than two weeks off work?

Worryaboutwork · 03/07/2023 21:34

YANBU... I would be upset too. It's not about needing help or asking for it. If something serious happened during labour or you did need help then naturally it would probably be your mum that you would want to ask. As a parent, I can't imagine not wanting to be around 'just in case'. Even if you told me you didn't need me or want me there, I'd still work around it just in case you changed your mind or something changed unexpectedly. I'm sorry you're experiencing this OP. Xx

Twentypastfour · 03/07/2023 21:35

Who is going to look after DC1 whilst you are having the baby? If she knew she wasn’t being relied on I don’t see the issue.

My parents were away when I had my first. Don’t think it occurred to anyone it wasn’t appropriate. Wouldn’t have been ok if I’d have pre-discussed some kind of important role for my Mum though.

Businessflake · 03/07/2023 21:37

I found peopling far too annoying

There’s a lot on MN that don’t like peopling too soon after the birth. I didn’t mind peopling and even peopled whilst still in the hospital.

Worryaboutwork · 03/07/2023 21:37

Also I don't think I'm the only person who thinks this way. My son was born 2 months earlier than expected. My mum was due to be away on a holiday booked before I found out I was pregnant. Mid way through my pregnancy when there was an inkling that baby was going to be born early my mum cancelled her holiday without telling me as she didn't want to risk being away when baby was born. I wouldn't have asked her to but the fact that she did meant the world. For context my mum and I aren't particularly close either.