Holiday on my due date

56 replies

Hah20 · 03/07/2023 20:48

I am due baby number 2, which will be via c section. Unless baby comes early I will be given a c section date at somepoint in my 39th week.
My mother was aware of this week window in which baby will be born and has booked a holiday with her partner abroad for this exact week
I am upset but not exactly surprised that she would prioritise a holiday with her partner over being here for the birth of her grandchild.just hoping for some opinions?

OP posts:

NotAMug · 03/07/2023 22:44

In RL I have never heard of people not wanting their family around after having babies, the 1st I heard of such a thing was on MN!

I would be really hurt if my mum did this knowing my due date, she was so upset when she had a holiday near to DS2s due date (she'd already booked it) luckily (kind of) I had an elective c-sec so she ended up being around. She was there at the hospital along with MIL and they both came round every day for the next couple of weeks. A friend of mine had her baby same day as mine and her mum and MIL were also in the waiting room with mine. The older siblings were there waiting also.

I can totally understand why you feel like you do OP.

NotAMug · 03/07/2023 22:46

Cottoncandysticks · 03/07/2023 21:53

I am. I’m also quite good at advocating for myself. It was a bloody heatwave and I wanted to lope about in a vest and a pair of baggy shorts and watch shit telly while my wound healed with DH waiting on me and making me cold drinks rather than run around cleaning before visitors came in for a photo opportunity and then sat there for an hour drinking coffee, eating all my food and slagging off my siblings to me. We had a marvellous couple of weeks, sheer lazy bliss. Nice bonding time and I was well restored and recovered by the time he went back to work. Visitors were very much secondary to comfort. Not sorry at all.

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TBH it sounds like you have shit family and friends then, people who care about you would come round and help you out. Mine came and made food, drinks, helped clear up and were generally all amazing.

FloweryName · 03/07/2023 22:47

What’s your Mum and her partner’s circumstances? If your mum works maybe he does too and this worked out as the best week they could get off together.

HadalyEve · 03/07/2023 22:49

Hah20 · 03/07/2023 21:55

You have absolutely hit the nail on the head.
I have had dozens of conversations with her about being worried about the care of DC1 while I am in hospital and post surgery and had hoped she would be around if we needed her. No formal arrangement had been made for care of DC1 as I don't yet know if my date will fall on one of her working days. I guess I am more worried about him rather than myself and new baby.
Like you say I don't want to demand her help, but had hoped it would be given freely.

Did you explicitly ask her to help with DC1? This reads like you were fishing for an offer by talking about being worried but never asked and are disappointed no offer was made?

Does she usually get your hints? I sense this is not the first time you’ve hinted or fished for offers and been let down, but could be mistaken. Perhaps the fishing and hinting isn’t working well as a way to communicate with her. Being blunt and honest might work better.

crew2022 · 03/07/2023 22:56

What about your DH parents helping?

supersonicginandtonic · 03/07/2023 23:06

Isn't paternity leave so the dad can help? I'm sure you can manage for a maximum of a week. What difference does it make?
You chose to have the baby, not your mum.
Does your first child go to nursery? Keep him in that routine if so.

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