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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the restaurant to turn it down?

92 replies

DataNotLore · 03/07/2023 16:07

Went out for lunch on Saturday with an elderly relative who uses a hearing aid.

They've recently had surgery too so feeling a little fragile.

Restaurant was only about a third full and remained so.

The background music was so loud though. They couldn't hear the conversation and ended up turning their hearing aid off.

We left early. I found it barely tolerable too.

We had asked the restaurant to turn it down but they declined.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Mountainpika · 03/07/2023 16:10

I woould have asked and expected them to turn it down. I've done so in the past. Or ask when arriving for a quiet spot and explain why. Never had a problem. Why they have that amount of noise is beyond me.

Lottapianos · 03/07/2023 16:11

I have asked for music to be turned down in restaurants. Theres just no need. I don't want to have to scream to be heard. The staff must hate it too when trying to hear people's orders. Awful

Peridot1 · 03/07/2023 16:13

This happened to us last year. No elderly people with hearing aids and we still struggled to hear each other. It was ridiculous. Asked a few times to have the music turned down and eventually the manager said no as it was “part of their brand”. We were the only people in the restaurant!

Original poster
DataNotLore · 03/07/2023 16:13

Needless to say, won't be going back.

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 03/07/2023 16:16

I'd ask, regardless of hearing impairment. It's a restaurant, not a club.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/07/2023 16:28

I had this the other week

I'm Semi deaf - went for a meal on a Friday - music so loud I couldn't hear the conversation

Dbank · 03/07/2023 16:40

Not unreasonable to ask.

I think the music is usually to keep the staff entertained, not the punters. If I wanted music with my meal I would have brought headphones!

Dryinginthesea · 03/07/2023 16:46

I worked at a restaurant and our music came from a system that was supplied by head office. We had no control over volume or the play list

hairtodaygonetm · 03/07/2023 16:48

OP avoid The Ivy in Brighton - like a nightclub in there! Ridiculous.

toastofthetown · 03/07/2023 16:48

I’ve asked for music to be turned down before and almost always the answer is that they can’t, or not long after being turned down, the volume increases again. The restaurant aren’t being unreasonable for wanting that vibe in their restaurant, but I’m not being unreasonable for not enjoying it and not returning.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2023 16:50

I would post a review online. Maybe they will get the message.

I hate it when you arrive at a restaurant or pub and they turn the music up after you have got your drinks/placed your order.

changeyerheadworzel · 03/07/2023 16:58

I cannot bear being in a restaurant with blaring music. I mean what is the point, most people who go out to dinner want to enjoy their meal and chat.

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 03/07/2023 17:00

Not unreasonable to ask. Not unreasonable for them to say no.

Pringleface · 03/07/2023 17:20

It seems really common for restaurants to have loud music these days, and a lot of them have terrible acoustics too so it’s like eating in a noisy cavern. I’m not even hard of hearing but I’ve asked for music to be turned down. Some have done it, some have refused.

callingeveryone · 03/07/2023 17:22

Put a review on trip advisor so that anyone wanting a quieter place can avoid it.

topnoddy · 03/07/2023 17:23

If it's that loud it's hardly background music is it , more like in yer face and lugholes music

I'm not good in places like that with noise coming from all directions

OwlRightThen · 03/07/2023 17:24

Yanbu and actually if it effects someone negatively due to a disability i would view it as a reasonable adjustment.

listsandbudgets · 03/07/2023 17:25

I'm so pleased to find this thread because I thought I was turning into some kind of fuddy duddy Victor(ia) Meldrew character who is alone in wanting to be able to have an actual conversation when eating my dinner!

YADNBU

Jyn · 03/07/2023 17:26

How much do you know about the hearing aids your relative wears? I wear pretty basic Sygnia bilateral hearing aids and they have a setting for background noise for just the scenario you describe.
Might help if you find yourself in that situation again.

cansu · 03/07/2023 17:28

I hate this tendency to loud music in restaurants. People clearly want to talk over a meal. I would ask and expect it to be turned down.

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 17:30

Neither of you are BU. We don't turn the music down at the restaurant I work at. It is the vibe/brand and that doesn't work for everyone. Your not unreasonable to ask or not return again, it's not a fit.

callingeveryone · 03/07/2023 17:32

@PrideNails I have never known anyone attracted to a restaurant because it plays loud music.

newnamechangeforthisone · 03/07/2023 17:33

I'd definitely review it, as a hearing aid wearer it would be good to know the places to avoid.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 03/07/2023 17:35

It's very much part of the brand for certain restaurants and chains. I wouldn't bother asking as they'll rarely change it, just make a note to never go there again as I like quiet!

bellac11 · 03/07/2023 17:35

God I cant stand this, I often ask for music to be turned down.

I find noise really overwhelming as I get older, another peri menopause bonus