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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the restaurant to turn it down?

92 replies

DataNotLore · 03/07/2023 16:07

Went out for lunch on Saturday with an elderly relative who uses a hearing aid.

They've recently had surgery too so feeling a little fragile.

Restaurant was only about a third full and remained so.

The background music was so loud though. They couldn't hear the conversation and ended up turning their hearing aid off.

We left early. I found it barely tolerable too.

We had asked the restaurant to turn it down but they declined.

WIBU?

OP posts:
LeilaRose777 · 03/07/2023 20:47

DataNotLore · 03/07/2023 16:07

Went out for lunch on Saturday with an elderly relative who uses a hearing aid.

They've recently had surgery too so feeling a little fragile.

Restaurant was only about a third full and remained so.

The background music was so loud though. They couldn't hear the conversation and ended up turning their hearing aid off.

We left early. I found it barely tolerable too.

We had asked the restaurant to turn it down but they declined.

WIBU?

They're breaking the law, as your elderly person has a disability (ie, uses hearing aids) and they have refused to make a reasonable accommodation for her. I would leave them a stinking review on social media and also contact the actual owners, if they weren't on site when this happened. Why not name and shame them here?

Plunkplink · 03/07/2023 20:49

It’s to make you eat more and quickly and then leave, they will have had psychologists working on ways to get people in and then out again as quickly as possible. Punters hanging around chatting don’t make money. Personally I think it’s backfiring as restaurant environments become too hostile

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 03/07/2023 20:52

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 20:45

@callingeveryone, well obviously my restaurant isn't a place you would go to. Its not just about the music, it's the whole aesthetic. Our place is very trendy, instagrammable, our target client are young professionals/parties/date night etc.

Show quote history

It's a real shame that my deaf daughter will be excluded from your place as a young professional/trendy 20-something. Hopefully by then inclusivity will be more of a feature of society.

OP for future reference I always put a note on my booking that explains deafness & asks for quieter area.

Ragwort · 03/07/2023 20:55

I find it hard to believe that a restaurant can't lower the volume Hmm.

DH and I went out for a meal in a very nice pub recently... the music was loud and shocking ... can't even remember what 'genre' it was. We politely mentioned it to the Manager, he immediately apologised, turned the volume down and actually asked us what sort of music we would prefer. That's what customer service should be. He probably thought we were old fogies and laughed at us behind our backs but we felt listened to and appreciated.

Original poster
DataNotLore · 03/07/2023 21:09

@PrideNails

Your "aesthetic" excludes people with sensory issues or who use hearings aid.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 03/07/2023 21:11

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 20:45

@callingeveryone, well obviously my restaurant isn't a place you would go to. Its not just about the music, it's the whole aesthetic. Our place is very trendy, instagrammable, our target client are young professionals/parties/date night etc.

Show quote history

That is definitely not my idea of an evening out.

Meeting · 03/07/2023 21:12

I've noticed this more and more in 'trendy' restaurants and it's really bloody annoying. I left somewhere recently because I refused to shout my order to the waitress and she said they wouldn't turn it down because "that's their vibe".

Florissante · 03/07/2023 22:02

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 20:45

@callingeveryone, well obviously my restaurant isn't a place you would go to. Its not just about the music, it's the whole aesthetic. Our place is very trendy, instagrammable, our target client are young professionals/parties/date night etc.

Show quote history

Can you please share the name of the restaurant because it sounds bloody awful and I want to make sure I never eat there.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/07/2023 22:04

RampantIvy · 03/07/2023 18:09

People eat faster when there is loud music,

So that they can get out as soon as they can.

This 😂

gogomoto · 03/07/2023 22:22

Not unreasonable to ask, not unreasonable for them to say no. Perhaps loud music is part of what they do

gogomoto · 03/07/2023 22:28

We choose to go to pubs with loud music, I'd be pretty annoyed if they halved the volume because someone preferred it quieter, there's several other pubs locally and one has no music. Same goes for restaurants, I went out tonight, there was moderate loudness music, it works for that setting, if you want quiet go next door that plays very quiet classical music or the place on the high street that plays no music at all. It's not discriminatory, it part of a place's aesthetic.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2023 22:31

I don't dislike loud music - when seeing a band for instance, but if I am eating out with friends I want to talk and hear what they are saying. Loud music makes that difficult and spoils the ambience.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 03/07/2023 22:35

callingeveryone · 03/07/2023 17:54

Just googled it. People eat faster when there is loud music, so restaurants can turn tables quicker.

Yes probably so they can leave as quickly as possible.

Peakypolly · 03/07/2023 22:52

I have never known anyone attracted to a restaurant because it plays loud music.
You haven't met me then! Some restaurants, for example Ynrshir, frequently named as the number one restaurant in the UK with two Michelin stars, have a DJ and their playlist adds to the ambiance. There are many other top rated restaurants in Birmingham and London with a similar vibe that I enjoy. I think if the restaurant mentions loud music as a part of their USP, then it is unreasonable to ask staff to reduce the volume. However that doesn't seem to be the case in your example DataNotLore so I think they should definitely have tried to facilitate your enjoyment.
Incidentally though, it's a shame, and exclusionary, that PrideNails only wants the young at their restaurant. Some of us over 40's enjoy music y'know!

hannahwaddinghamsbiceps · 03/07/2023 22:53

I am hearing impaired and I always ask to sit in a corner. Still often can't hear easily.
But in answer to previous posters, if it is a new venue for me, how am I supposed to know whether the vibe is inclusive for people like me? It's not always possible to just choose quiet restaurants if you haven't visited before.

HowardKirksConscience · 03/07/2023 22:55

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 17:30

Neither of you are BU. We don't turn the music down at the restaurant I work at. It is the vibe/brand and that doesn't work for everyone. Your not unreasonable to ask or not return again, it's not a fit.

How do people talk to each other then?

Nofreshstarthere22 · 03/07/2023 22:58

Sorry yes you are. I have been to places like this and just don’t go back but its there thing

FarmGirl78 · 03/07/2023 23:27

PrideNails · 03/07/2023 20:45

@callingeveryone, well obviously my restaurant isn't a place you would go to. Its not just about the music, it's the whole aesthetic. Our place is very trendy, instagrammable, our target client are young professionals/parties/date night etc.

Show quote history

Ughhh "Instagramable". Where is this restaurant so I know never to accidentally set foot in it?

Your target market is people who want a nightclub not a restaurant. If the highest mark up in hospitality is on drinks not food would you not be better off opening a bar and just serving chips now and again?

FarmGirl78 · 03/07/2023 23:36

hannahwaddinghamsbiceps · 03/07/2023 22:53

I am hearing impaired and I always ask to sit in a corner. Still often can't hear easily.
But in answer to previous posters, if it is a new venue for me, how am I supposed to know whether the vibe is inclusive for people like me? It's not always possible to just choose quiet restaurants if you haven't visited before.

Apparently you would know a new venue had loud music because it's "part of their USP". And here's stupid us just reading the menu on display outside to see if we like the look of anything before we enter.

PrideNails · 04/07/2023 00:13

Wow, I didn't expect such a response to my comments. To those who asked unfortunately this is the vision of the owner. Us staff have no control over the music, the playlist and volume is controlled from a central head office. We do our best to accommodate any requests such as a quiet table but we are restricted based on the set up of the restaurant. And don't worry, the restaurant is not in the UK so I doubt you'll ever come across it. Be kind to the staff, sometimes we have no control over these things.

PrideNails · 04/07/2023 00:16

And to clarify its not my restaurant. I'm just a member of staff.

HighEndGrifters · 04/07/2023 00:35

@LeilaRose777

I was just about to mention the DDA, thank you, you saved me a post.

Florissante · 04/07/2023 07:15

PrideNails · 04/07/2023 00:13

Wow, I didn't expect such a response to my comments. To those who asked unfortunately this is the vision of the owner. Us staff have no control over the music, the playlist and volume is controlled from a central head office. We do our best to accommodate any requests such as a quiet table but we are restricted based on the set up of the restaurant. And don't worry, the restaurant is not in the UK so I doubt you'll ever come across it. Be kind to the staff, sometimes we have no control over these things.

Yes. Because no one on MN ever travels outside of the UK.

RampantIvy · 04/07/2023 07:56

Ughhh "Instagrammable". Where is this restaurant so I know never to accidentally set foot in it?

Yes. The very idea of eating somewhere "Instagrammable" makes me think the place would be full of shallow and vacuous people who want to see and be seen rather than people who want to enjoy a good meal with friends.

I also thought "Ughhh". This place sounds hideous.

How do people talk to each other then?

They probably message each other on Instagram @HowardKirksConscience Grin

Kingsparkle · 04/07/2023 08:08

I paid £9 for a hot chocolate recently. I was too stunned to cancel the order at that point. Afterwards I realised they had a whole section of “Instagramable drinks” on their menu. Why??