Are people with more children happier?

[DinkeyDonkey]

I have one child, who brings so much joy to our lives. So much so, I don't feel I need another. But I wonder, does having more children bring more joy? It must do.

Parents are measurably less happy than childfree people. However, having children is immensely rewarding. For me I love having 3DC and partly that is seeing their relationships develop in a way that wouldn't happen with a smaller set of sibling. The variations of people to play with goes up exponentially with each extra sibling. I think while adults may be happiest with no children, children are happier with siblings.

I resonate with the saying that you are only as happy as you least happy child.

So the number doesn't matter.

I have 4 - I am one of 8.

I value my siblings (the chaos, rivalry, love and support) even more so now in my later years.

My kids (now early 20s) have their own unique and supportive relationships with each other - that brings me joy.

My DN who is an only and spent lots of his time with us, holidays etc wants 6 of his own.

I have one and am very happy. I look around and the people with more than one are less happy or the same. They have less free time, less money, deal with sibling rivalry etc.

My dc loves being an only. She's just waved her two cousins off who had a sleepover and said she loved having them over but she's happy to have a quiet house.

I have two and the single best part of parenting has been watching them grown and interact together.
Also depends on the age of the person.
A 39 year old child free person may be very happy at the time.
A childfree 79 old less so.

I absolutely love having 3 and would probably have more if circumstances allowed. Each child is a unique, special person who brings me joy in their own right and I love how they relate to their siblings.

I remember bring DC2 hone from hospital and watching both her and DC1 sleeping and having the most amazing 'pinch me' moment. These are both mine. Now I have 3, that sense of 'my brood' has gone to another level.

One of the coolest things for me is seeing what random mix of genes will come out each time. I could get addicted to that moment when you see your baby and what they look like for the first time; it took on a new meaning with each child.

I was a very sad and lonely only child and swore that if I could help it, I'd have a big family. I didn't quite have the 5 I dreamt of, but I love all of the noise, chaos and fun in our home, compared to how I grew up.

But your thinking to 79 yr old expects a carer and you shouldn't bring children into the world to be future caters . Even for those with children relationships fracture and their is no guarantee the children will be around in your later years . I know some child free pensioners living their best life and others with rewarding family relationships, it's about making the best of whatever circumstances you find yourself in .

Apparently, it's the other way around. People who are happier, specifically in relationships, are more likely to have more children.

I'm a bit sceptical though because I think it must be very individual. The lifestyle with 1 child, vs 2-3 children, vs 4+ children, are three very different things, and they will naturally suit different people. An only child is more of an adult focused life, the child ends up following more adult interests, you retain much of the spontaneity of pre children due to lower costs, easier babysitting and easier adapting to one child's needs. But it can also be quite intense if you lean that way because you can put all resources into your one child.

It's funny there's such a divide with only children.

You get the people who loved being an only child, and the people who hated it.

Selfishly I'm happier with one child because I'm getting my life back now, but I do worry about the slight guilt of not having more.

She's only 3 so she's not asked for a sibling yet, but she probably will at some point and I know I'll feel guilty.

I think it’s very personal and there are as many configurations of “happy families” as there are people.

But I agree with @ShirleyPhallus that expecting having a child will make you happy is a very slippery slope indeed.

These threads where people already have three or four kids and are broke but feel compelled to have another always make me feel a bit depressed tbh. I feel like if you can’t see that having yet another kid isn’t a good idea there is something quite wrong. It’s always described as some irresistible biological pull which can’t be denied but more often than not it’s people trying to fill a hole in their self esteem.

This. One child works for me. I never contemplated a second.

I’m an only and have an only.

I suffered severe PND, from which I’m only now coming out the other side - and he’s nearly four. Plus, I’m too old now really to have another and suffer some physical health problems, too.

I do feel guilty - he is hugely outgoing, confident and sociable and desperate for the company of other people his age to play with - understandably.

My friend has 5 under 7 and seems very very happy. That would make me completely miserable. I don’t know what the answer is.

It must also depend on how much support you have. I reckon to have more than one you need either a very easy first child, a partner that pulls their weight or support from extended family. To have more than two children you probably need two of those things. People who cope well with large families and minimal help must be unusual.

hattie43 it's nothing to do with caring.
My GM had four DC and none did any caring. She paid for it, as she should.
It's to do with watching your adult DC flourish in the world, travel, have careers, have experiences and possibly have their own DC. And gain a great deal of pleasure from their company, welcoming their partners and sharing social occasions and family gatherings when circumstances allow.
There's always a chance that doesn't happen, but there's no chance of it at all if you're childless.

I read it in a news article in a physical paper so don’t have one. I’m sure you could google it 🤷🏼‍♀️

No I don't think so. It's not by default. Some people can handle more kids very very well and some can't it could be for anything, finances, mental or emotional bandwidth, the support network, everyone's health and personalities...

A happy family is where everyone feels appreciated and supported it's not confined to a magic number of children.

It depends on the person surely? I know people who thrive having a big brood and others who struggle to cope with one.
For me personally two was perfect. Just the right amount. I think I would have been too exhausted if I had three and that would have spoilt my enjoyment of my family and life in general.

Remember reading a study that 2 girls was the happiest family set up and 4 plus the least

I'd just like to say for balance in the comments... I come from a very big family of 8 and I hated it and wished I was an only. My parents were tired and spent by the time they had me. The novelty and magic of childhood had worn off and they were older and basically let older siblings parent the younger ones.

There is no guarantee your siblings will get on as children or adults.

I am sure it varies. You sound like your family is blissfully happy. I have a large family and love the banter/jokes/support and consideration- it’s my favourite place to be and they are my favourite people. I like it when they help each other or joke around with each other too. Yesterday two of my kids cleaned the house and I did my bit when I got home, made a massive meal, sorted out hair/uniforms etc. But… it has been very hard at times as well. There is no question that it’s a huge responsibility, that keeping all balls juggling is hard and that we’ve made sacrifices in terms of holidays/activities/lifestyle to pay for this large family.

Never compare yourself to others. In the words of Henderson “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have”.

Another child might change everything for you and not for the better.

This is the reason I have an only child, but I was the eldest of my big family. Meaning that my first lesson was not to be a bother because the younger ones always needed my parents’ attention, and I was a substitute parent and default ‘helper’/babysitter from the age of eight. They had way more children than they had the physical or psychological resources for.

None of my siblings have children.

I think you have to know yourself very well when making decisions about family size. I love children and am someone who has always been seen as being ‘good’ with them; I worked with them for a long time before having my own, find child development/psychology genuinely fascinating (I have a postgrad in this area), love playing with my own DD and am very much in touch with my own inner child (I can tolerate endless hours of role play and am one of those mums who always ends up on the play equipment in the park).

But I only have one child of my own and won’t be having any more. DP and I are both people who need plenty of headspace and downtime. We like relative calm and don’t do well with too much noise and chaos. We like being able to focus our resources and energies on one child, rather than being pulled in different directions. We like feeling organised, and not having the additional stress of having to sort out multiple packed lunches/school uniforms/World Book Day costumes. Having one child means that we always feel in control, and that we’ve ‘done our best’ by DD. We’re not frazzled, we sleep well, we rarely forget things, and we have plenty of time to listen to her and enjoy her as she grows.

We love DD to the ends of the earth, but we love and are interested in lots of other things too, and having less or no time for those things would make us miserable. We love travel, and having one child means we’re more flexible with our trips and can be more adventurous. I get to read books; he gets to spend time cooking and gardening (while also sharing these interests with DD). Babysitters are easy to come by, and resources aren’t stretched. We have plenty of choices when it comes to things like DD’s education, because we only have the one child to accommodate and can base all of our choices on what suits her best.

I completely understand that sticking at one child isn’t for everyone, and that larger families can work very well for those who have different priorities and a different temperament from us. But one is definitely the right choice for us, even though it can at times be challenging swimming against the tide and overcoming some of the still pervasive stereotypes around only children.

I have 3. I was at my best/happiest - mentally and physically - when I had one.

As bad as it makes me feel to write it, this is the first thing that popped into my head

It's completely personal.

I think that if you don't actively want another child then having another one is unlikely to make you happier.

Part of me always wanted three but now I have two I am feeling pretty burnt out and I think that focusing on the two I have is probably going to make me happier in the long run.

I have one, I wouldn't have wanted any more