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Original poster

Are people with more children happier?

121 replies

DinkeyDonkey · 02/07/2023 13:18

I have one child, who brings so much joy to our lives. So much so, I don't feel I need another. But I wonder, does having more children bring more joy? It must do.

OP posts:
whatkatydid2013 · 02/07/2023 14:08

I know there is some recent Australian research that says families of 4+ kids are happiest. Interestingly their findings seemed to suggest that was due to kids having other children to play with and being allowed independence relatively young. Those are really both things any size family could recreate so maybe it’s down to how you do things more than how many kids

Lentilweaver · 02/07/2023 14:10

All the research says single women with no kids are happiest.

Course, depends on how much you believe research.

FourTeaFallOut · 02/07/2023 14:13

It might well be that the women who choose not to have children are happiest when they don't have children. That doesn't mean that every women with children would be happier without them just richer. It took me two years to conceive my first and I certainly wasn't pissing rainbows at the prospect of a child free life.

ThisIsACoolUserName · 02/07/2023 14:16

I have no children (by choice).
I have friends and family members with 1 or 2 or 3.
My grandma had 8.
It's almost impossible to compare or quantify what 'joy' is. It means different things to different people.
But I would say, I think each baby brings joy. However, as that baby gets a bit older and turns into a toddler and then a child - for many people - the joy is tempered by the extra worry, busyness, logistical difficulty and financial hardship that comes with having an additional family member.

TheaBrandt · 02/07/2023 14:16

Depends on how the kids turn out! Which is unknowable! I work with the elderly there’s absolutely zero correlation with how happy they are and number of kids (if any) they have. In many cases the adult kids are an ongoing source of worry and upset and the childfree ones are better off.

BelindaBears · 02/07/2023 14:17

I don’t know because my 1 brings me enough joy that I don’t need another. I can’t see how having less time with her would make me happier and I don’t feel anything is missing in my life. But obviously I don’t have more than one so can’t know, just as someone who has more than one can’t know if they’d have ended up happier sticking with one (or none!) either. I believe statistically there’s no evidence to support your theory but probably no strong evidence for mine either.

ContractQuestion · 02/07/2023 14:17

I'm so happy with 2 and relieved circumstances meant we stopped there after seeing other families with 3 and the accommodations they have to make.

I'm really glad we didn't just stop at 1, but when I do just have 1 of my children with me I di see how much easier that is!

TheaBrandt · 02/07/2023 14:18

Going to university open days makes me thrilled we stopped at two.

ThisIsACoolUserName · 02/07/2023 14:21

I actually think you have to be happy in yourself rather than relying on other things / people to make you happy

Yeah, this.
And I'm not convinced that 'happiness', 'joy', 'contentment' (and various other words used in discussing these matters) actually mean the same thing.

BarelyLiterate · 02/07/2023 14:21

Depends on the person. For me, the optimal number of children was always zero, and I’m very happy with my decision.

Hollyhead · 02/07/2023 14:21

Can’t really speak for happiness but the amount of love in my life doubled when I went from one to two children and there was very little extra work. I suspect it would increase by another 100% if I went to three but the chaos of three would reduce my happiness.

Aquartz · 02/07/2023 15:07

Dh and I were already happy when it was just us and our lovely dd but we wanted one more child & were fortunate enough to have our lovely ds too.

I love being a mum, we have fun as a family and I just really enjoy being with them, they bring me joy and make me feel grateful.
As much as I love babies (and I have thought about having another one before now!) I’m sensible enough to know we cannot afford another. I also feel I’d be stretched in different directions and not able to give quality time to each dc, I think I’d feel guilty and ultimately that wouldn’t feel great.

Muddygreenfingers · 02/07/2023 15:34

whatkatydid2013 · 02/07/2023 14:08

I know there is some recent Australian research that says families of 4+ kids are happiest. Interestingly their findings seemed to suggest that was due to kids having other children to play with and being allowed independence relatively young. Those are really both things any size family could recreate so maybe it’s down to how you do things more than how many kids

Link to this research please.

jeaux90 · 02/07/2023 15:45

I have 1. But I'm a lone parent and wanted to focus everything on her, afford nice holidays, private school etc I think it really comes down to what you want and your family situation. Mine sees her cousins etc a lot so it's a nice balance.

SchoolShenanigans · 02/07/2023 15:48

There's a balance. My 3rd has brought a LOT of love to our family. They're hilarious and fairly easy.

But three is hard work and definitely limits all of our options at times.

If I could do it all over, I'd have three because my third is adorable, but in reality, two is much easier.

Personally I wouldn't want to only have one. For their sake, especially as they get older and they have no one around to joke with, annoy and be there for them. I just can't imagine holidays and down time being all that fun with just adults, but that's just my opinion, I realise not all siblings get on (luckily mine do).

cheezncrackers · 02/07/2023 15:50

I have two and no, I'm pretty certain that more DC would not make me happier! DC are wonderful, but very hard work and expensive and they put a lot of limitations on what you can do as an adult. I've lost count of the number of times I've thought how much I'd like to do something (go to a literary festival, a restaurant, a play, a residential course or experience, a particular kind of holiday that's not child-friendly, anything in term-time), and then had to accept that it just isn't happening.

Original poster
DinkeyDonkey · 02/07/2023 15:50

I don't regret anything. My child is a toddler so it's not as if having more is out of the question. I think I'm surprised I don't feel an urge to have another. I feel content. I know people having their fourth or fifth child and I get that having a child can be a joy so I can see the logic of having more but then also, as PP says, more means more expense, more work and more stress as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
DinkeyDonkey · 02/07/2023 15:54

Personally I wouldn't want to only have one. For their sake, especially as they get older and they have no one around to joke with, annoy and be there for them. I just can't imagine holidays and down time being all that fun with just adults, but that's just my opinion, I realise not all siblings get on (luckily mine do).

I don't see this as an issue as have lots of friends. He spends most of the week at nursery and at weekends he often sees other children (our friends' toddlers) and then he gets to have us all to himself at home as well.

I don’t know because my 1 brings me enough joy that I don’t need another. I can’t see how having less time with her would make me happier and I don’t feel anything is missing in my life. But obviously I don’t have more than one so can’t know, just as someone who has more than one can’t know if they’d have ended up happier sticking with one (or none!) either. I believe statistically there’s no evidence to support your theory but probably no strong evidence for mine either.

This is what I think too but I wondered whether people have had another and thought "I'm twice as happy now" 😁I don't have a theory really. It's just a question and maybe I am wondering if I will regret not having more.

OP posts:
Original poster
DinkeyDonkey · 02/07/2023 15:57

I can definitely see the practical benefits of having one. I can leave him with grandparents, take him out places fairly easily and provide for him without worrying about having to do the same for several children. Nursery fees for two under 5s would be difficult!

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 02/07/2023 15:57

I wanted to carry on and on and had visions of a dozen. I loved it so much. However, number 5 broke me. She broke everyone Grin she's 6 now, and I hope I make it to her 18th (lighthearted) but five tipped me to a very awful place. Lockdown didn't help.

Beenawhilesinceacupoftea · 02/07/2023 15:57

Thing is nothing remains constant - your baby turns into a toddler into a child into a teen into an adult and all the while you and your life is changing too.

I agree with some of the posters who loved having young children and found teens less rewarding, but it’s a pleasure to see them grow and I take pride in them.

I think when I am old I will be glad to have more children to enjoy… rather than just one. It’s a lot of pressure for one child to bear, having elderly parents. I take a lot of solace in my siblings and sharing worries about my parents.

wutheringkites · 02/07/2023 16:00

Seeleyboo · 02/07/2023 15:57

I wanted to carry on and on and had visions of a dozen. I loved it so much. However, number 5 broke me. She broke everyone Grin she's 6 now, and I hope I make it to her 18th (lighthearted) but five tipped me to a very awful place. Lockdown didn't help.

In what way did she 'break' you?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/07/2023 16:02

2 kids make me happy because they have eachother, I witness two childhoods and still have a life.
3 kids wouldn’t mKe me happier as I would lose my life imo.
each to their own.

cheezncrackers · 02/07/2023 16:06

I actually prefer teens. I like people I can have adult conversations with, go to adventure destinations with, and reason with (a bit - teens aren't exactly reasonable at times!).

Babyroobs · 02/07/2023 16:10

I have four all older now- late teens/ early twenties but life has been chaotic and still remains so as they are all still at home at various times along with girlfriends, and we still do a lot for them. plus we have accepted that we will likely always be broke. If I had my time again I would probably have stopped at 2.