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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crop top for 9 year old?

61 replies

user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 11:47

I bought my daughter some crop tops recently to wear under her clothes. They're brightly coloured with wide straps and don't remotely resemble a bra, IMO. She's coming to the end of Year 4 and has recently had lessons on puberty in school.

I've heard through my daughter that her father (we're separated) thinks she's far too young and that crop tops are unnecessary and inappropriate. He's letting her wear them anyway but he's been commenting negatively about it.

Today I spoke to him about it to explain that IMO, this is precisely the correct age for crop tops (if she wants to wear them - she doesn't have to). He said it should not be until secondary school, when she is developing. IMO that's far too late as the whole point is to normalise the idea of growing up and to prepare her for wearing bras. When she's developing, she'll need bras, not just crop tops.

He didn't seem to agree but just said he'll let her wear them 'because you say so'. I asked him not to make disparaging comments because it's making a big deal about something that is simply an age appropriate item of clothing, not much different than out 6 year old preferring to wear trunks now rather than briefs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HollyBookBlue · 02/07/2023 11:50

Crop tops are a perfectly reasonable underwear choice for 9 year old! Why is her father sexualising her underwear?

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 11:53

Does he know that they aren't training bras or sport bras and simply a more fashionable style of vest compared to what she wore as a 2 year old ?

NoWeaponsOnTheTable · 02/07/2023 11:53

Yanbu. He's being weird.

CindersAgain · 02/07/2023 11:54

I was a bit uncomfortable buying my DD one aged 9-10, as it seems to suggest there’s boobs to cover, or you’d just wear a vest.

But all her friends were getting them so I went along with it.

WunWun · 02/07/2023 11:54

Jesus, if he thinks girls don't develop until senior school he may be in for a big shock!

CindersAgain · 02/07/2023 11:54

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 11:53

Does he know that they aren't training bras or sport bras and simply a more fashionable style of vest compared to what she wore as a 2 year old ?

They don’t keep you very warm through, so what’s the point?

SirVixofVixHall · 02/07/2023 11:55

My dds didn’t wear crop tops until they had some breast development starting, before that the tops tend to ride up if girls lift their arms, as there is nothing above to stop the band from shifting. Mine wore strappy camisoles/vests before then. But if your dd is starting to get breast buds then she might feel more comfortable in a crop top.

GoodChat · 02/07/2023 11:55

Its fine if they're to be worn as underwear - surely no different to putting a vest on a toddler?

WunWun · 02/07/2023 11:55

My extremely skinny (restrictive eating) DD had noticeable growth at 9.

Emmamoo89 · 02/07/2023 11:55

Yanbu x

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 02/07/2023 11:55

We all wore crop tops at that age 30 years ago.

LittleBearPad · 02/07/2023 11:56

I didn’t bother until DD started to develop a bit. Equally he’s in for a shock if he thinks this is only secondary.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 02/07/2023 11:57

DD is 7 and is starting to develop a little bit already. She wears crop tops now to get used to it as she’ll need a bra quite early.

I had my first one at about 9 or 10 years and that was average in my primary school.

delusionsofadequacy · 02/07/2023 11:58

I think it’s a bit sad that you feel the idea of wearing a bra has to be “normalised” in advance and that you think she will need more than a crop top when she developing. Maybe for sport but the idea that anyone has to wear a bra at any other time is not really true.

But if she asked to wear them and chooses to then it’s her decision and nothing to do with her dad.

Neodymium · 02/07/2023 11:59

My dd is 9 turning 10 and she wears them. She has just started developing getting breast buds and she felt uncomfortable. She likes to wear them to dancing and gymnastics especially. She also wears just them at home when it’s hot. It’s normal I think.

TheGriffle · 02/07/2023 11:59

My 10 year old has been in crop tops rather than vests for a year or two now. She is already developing and will need something more supportive soon I think.

GoodChat · 02/07/2023 11:59

delusionsofadequacy · 02/07/2023 11:58

I think it’s a bit sad that you feel the idea of wearing a bra has to be “normalised” in advance and that you think she will need more than a crop top when she developing. Maybe for sport but the idea that anyone has to wear a bra at any other time is not really true.

But if she asked to wear them and chooses to then it’s her decision and nothing to do with her dad.

She means normalised for her daughter - so she's used to wearing undergarments, not because it needs to be normalised for society.

Millicentmargaretamandaholden · 02/07/2023 12:03

If she wants to it’s fine.

But I don’t think you need to normalise wearing a bra she’ll just do it when she needs to like everyone else. If she has breast tissue that’s different.

But I wouldn’t suggest it or think about it without taking the lead from the child as I don’t see the difference between a 9 year old girl without breast tissue and a 9 year old boy.

CurlewKate · 02/07/2023 12:03

If she asked for them fine (my dd did). But "normalising wearing a bra"? WTF??

WunWun · 02/07/2023 12:05

My DD was difficult to get into a crop top, and she needed to wear one. She now needs a bra and she is finding it hard to make the switch.

I think there is a very good case for getting them used to wearing them before they need them tbh.

DollyTheFluffyOne · 02/07/2023 12:06

@user1469094475 is she wearing them without other clothes?

Original poster
user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 12:08

delusionsofadequacy · 02/07/2023 11:58

I think it’s a bit sad that you feel the idea of wearing a bra has to be “normalised” in advance and that you think she will need more than a crop top when she developing. Maybe for sport but the idea that anyone has to wear a bra at any other time is not really true.

But if she asked to wear them and chooses to then it’s her decision and nothing to do with her dad.

I disagree that wearing a bra is only necessary for sport. Boobs are heavy. I'd be bloody uncomfortable with them swinging around without a bit of support.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 12:09

DollyTheFluffyOne · 02/07/2023 12:06

@user1469094475 is she wearing them without other clothes?

No, just as underwear or occasionally nightwear in the hot weather.

OP posts:
Shallana · 02/07/2023 12:10

I completely understand about normalising wearing a bra, I started developing in Y6 but didn't start wearing a bra until secondary school and remember absolutely hating the sensation of having a band around my chest.

No children myself but my niece is 10 and has started developing, she's been wearing a crop top for the past year.

EhrlicheFrau · 02/07/2023 12:10

Back in my day, so dinosaurs and the like, we just went vest then bra (when it was needed). Nowadays it seems to be more vest, then cropped vest/cropped top, bra. I think the advantage of the second option is that cropped tops tend to be a bit more close fitting, and that may be helpful in the early stages of development - even when there isn't really anything visible there might well be some tenderness in that area, and the crop top may provide just that little bit more padding as well as also making her feel less self-conscious.