To be a tad (understatement of the century) upset that DD1 has come home with a massive................

[lucyellensmum]

Tattoo on her neck!! Not a nice removable henna tattoo or transfer, not something pretty and descrete - oh no, not my DD, she has to go that one step further - a stonking great black/grey rose (her own design) that is noticable from across the street!!

a reputable tatooist will often have a 'consulation' appointment before they actually do the work, especially on a younger person or if the tattoo is in a visible place, such as the neck. I know the OP has said that the tatooist uses clean needles each time, but I would be very concerned about someone willing to tatoo such a young person, underage, in such a place.

well said!

It's not ehr first tattoo, LEM said she has one on her back.
Still agree it's unprofessional to do it in such a place thoguh.

I am bound to face this issue with my DS, he's 2 almost and already points out both mine and my DH. My own dad went mad at first with my first - a rose - which is at most 4 ins long. But over the years me & DH have added, and plan to keep going. If and when DS wants to have one, he will be told in no uncertain terms the first thing is a henna/transfer...untill he at least 18.

There are ways and means to cover over any tat. Might need creativity, but its not the end of the world. In this context, yabu, to an extent.

Just remember, you can save the I Told You So speech for the day when she says What Did I Do.....till then deal the best you can, is not worth falling out over this.....

noddy, the only problem i have with it is the location and the fact that it would be, at best, difficult to conceal for employment purposes. She is here today and im still hating it, but hopefully not showing it

I can understand your reluctance to report him. do have a word with him though as he did break the law and it is there for a reason.

My DD1 is 6 and already draws tattoos on herself dolls etc and when younger covered her face (yes her face) with non washable felt tips....she will either follow her dad and be covered or "rebel" and not want any!

I think you are doing really well, lucyellensmum. I remember the first time my mum saw my tattoo (just a little one, on my shoulder) She went nuts! She was just taking a breath to rant and I said "Even if I agree with you that it was a stupid thing to do, there is nothing either of us can do about it, so whatever you are going to say, its not going to change anything". She shut up! It is a shame where your daughter decided to get hers. She quite possibly will regret it when she is older, and is possibly even now starting to secretly wonder if it was such a good idea. You are right to ignore it, I think. Its not worth ruining your relationship over, as it's not something either of you can change.

he did break the law. my tattooist wouldnt even let dh wait with dd1 (when she was a baby) in his waiting room as dd1 was underage. they had to go off somewhere.

i understand you are upset as it is on her neck and very visable. my tattoos are all easily hidden, as i know as much as i liked them when i got them done, there is a chance when i am older i wont like them and will want to cover them up.

So guys, tell me what to do??

Do i
a) go and have a VERY stern word with they guy who did this, and insist on him drawing up a contract with DD for a future apprenticeship (as promised).

b) report him

c) let it go.

A very big part of me is sooo angry as i feel my DD has been taken advantage of. Yes she designed the tattoo herself, yes she was as sure as a 17 year old can be and yes i did sort of give her permission, although i did speak to her that morning and said i'd rather she not do it - that was when i thought it was something much smaller.

The problem i have with this is two fold really. Firstly, i dont want to turn this into a huge negative as DD has to live with this on her neck now and i dont want to make her unhappy. I also dont want to humilliate her etc etc.

Secondly and more importantly: Our relationship has been difficult to say the least over the past few years, we have both had a lot to deal with, particularly with losing my father who pretty much brought DD1 up and she adored him. (part of the rationale behind the design is because i cajoled him into having DD1s name tattoo'd on his arm under a rose when she was a little girl and despite him not really liking tattoos he had this done - so she maintains she did it partly for her grandad - emotional blackmail?? I'm pretty sure he will be turning in his grave just now ) If i make a big performance of this then i am going to alienate her even more just when our relationship seems to be on the upturn.

So i do feel really stuck, because if i let it go i feel like a bad parent, but if i don't i feel like a bad parent.

YANBU but unfortunately you can't undo it and shouting about it won't help. Infact it may push her to rebel further and have more done.
I would bite your tongue and then when the dust has settled discuss it.
I know its expensive, but it can be removed by laser treatment if it causes problems for her later.

Oh Blimey?what age is she?there are age restrictions on minors. see you have said she is still 17 report this police and local* authority it is illegal deep breath you bothneed time and space. to discuss and reflect on this. dont have a dialogue cross

i genuinely don't have a simple straightforward answer

If I were you I would report him.

say something to the artist, then you arent involving the police but you are letting him know you think he was wrong. This wont sour your relationship with dd too much either.

euff. well, lazer removal is very good these days, there won't be scaring.

tbh, despite what i said previously your daughter will not thank you if you haul the guys ass and the promise of an apprenticeship is removed because mum is interfering. You would jeopardise your relationship with your daughter further. You're certainly not a bad mother just because your daughter gets a highly visible tattoo i think to raise someone that determined and rebellious isn't such a bad think. a big stonking rose questions peoples perceptions of femininity. I'd be really really cross, but a bit proud as well.

hey, I've heard of fifteen year olds with hand tattoos ( yes, the tattooist was prosecuted and went out of business and the girl in question didn't even have to bother with fake ID - and i know a piercer that unknowingly pierced the nipples of a 12 year old girl, which can technically be classed as sexual assault in a minor) so really, it's not that bad, it's just really really annoying that people do flout the law - the law is there for a reason, in some areas of the country it was de rigour for children to be tattooed prior to the cat of parliament and we're not a country that marks the onset of puberty with tattoos/piercings/branding/scarification etc.

physically there is obviously very little difference between a 17 years and 11 months old girl and an eighteen years and one day old girl. I regret some of the tattoos that i had when i was very young, but i have got them covered or changed, or learned to live with them as a testament of experience. but then a huge rose of your neck can't really be covered with anything much..

Have a quiet word with the tattoist if it makes you feel better but you aren't a bad mum at all - the fact you are so worried as to the right thing to do proves it...
BUT if she is seriously considering a career in tattooing I would tread carefully they are a very close knit cliquey bunch and word will get out - she won't thank you if you scupper her chances of getting into the business...

lucyellensmum - you are not a bad mum.your daughter is a willful young woman, asserting herself, pushing boundaries.when the dust settle something tells me she will need your support about this

its not an easy choice is it. I do feel that i have let her down in some way, i should have stamped my feet and said no way jose. But im desperately trying to give DD the space she needs. I love her desperately, although im not sure she knows this - maybe she was trying to evoke a reaction

you haven't let her down at all, so please don't think that. She was, as scottishmummy says, asserting herself and doing what young people do as they become their own people.

LEM she loves you and yep is most likely looking for a reaction from the person who really cares you. An adolescent young woman, asserting herself - straps and harness could not contain that energy.

give it time. go out to a neutral venue (it limoits shouting, to embarrassed to show yourselves up) talk when you are both able

Chances are if she want to be a tattoo artist it will be the first of many and by the time she regrets it if she ever does you will be able to get them removed in a day. I can understand you being shocked but if she is that type of girl she is that type of girl! better to be an individual than a sheep, as long as she was under no pressure then great. At least she had the good sense to design it herself instead of a nasty off the wall version everyone else has got.

OMG. Thank goodness for laser removal. I though it was illegal to do the neck, but could be wrong. I would certainly be looking to have the tattooist struck off, they do have guidelines to follow if they want certain memberships (like a kitemark for tattooists I think).

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