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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a tad (understatement of the century) upset that DD1 has come home with a massive................

131 replies

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:20

Tattoo on her neck!! Not a nice removable henna tattoo or transfer, not something pretty and descrete - oh no, not my DD, she has to go that one step further - a stonking great black/grey rose (her own design) that is noticable from across the street!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 22:16

i'm going to bed now - feel shit, i mean, i guess i now have the best "i am a really shit mother" badge that anyone can have

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 22:18

I might go and see the guy who did my tattoos many moons ago. Talk to him and see what he thinks - i want to take action but i dont want upset for DD, who to be fair, will be of age by the time anything came about im sure. SO pissed off.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 23/02/2008 22:25

wth!...had to be on the friggin neck! so sorry to hear

2shoes · 23/02/2008 22:29

wow this thread has worried me. ds wants a tattoo. I have said fine when your 18 and promise me dh will go with you.
i thought the law would keep him safe untill then.

branflake81 · 24/02/2008 08:12

I can completely understand you're annoyed and think you've handled this admirably. I agree - there would be no point flying off the handle, what's done is done and can't be undone. Plus, even though she is technically underage, she is pretty much an adult, especially as she has already moved out. Whether or not she grows to regret the tattoo remains to be seen but for now I think you have to just forget about it as best you can because it's not going to go away. I speak as someone who really does not like tattoos (no offence intended to those who do) but think that if my 18 year old had one done I would have to support them because it's their body, not mine.

macdoodle · 24/02/2008 08:28

Can I give a slightly different view point - my H is a tattooist and is obviously covered (I have a few more discreet because of my job) ..
If she really wants to be a tattoist she will get many many more so learn to love them My H still practices on himself
It is illegal to tattoo under 18's but in practice very hard to do - my H asks age if they look under 18 (but nowadays don't they all look older)..and asks for proof and sign a disclaimer...he is very strict about this now after a parent made a complaint about a 17 year old - I saw her and she looked about 25 and lied through her little teeth...he got dragged in for interrogation (not police but local licensing office) and got a formal warning as they agreed was very difficult to police but advice disclaimers on everybody!!
As for apprenticeship she is very lucky if this is genuine as above they are like gold dust as tattooing is very tight closed circle with no official training or regulation
Oh and lighten up everyone - tattooes really are not that bad at all....FWIW I am a medical professional

Disenchanted · 24/02/2008 08:32

Fab,

I love tettoos!

Im getting a pin-up girl on my thigh next

macdoodle · 24/02/2008 08:36

TBH I love them too and I love mine ...the comments about regertting it when I am old and wrinkly are just silly I think my tats will be the least of my worries - I am 36 already had first when I was 25 or so and don't regret any of them....

BabiesEverywhere · 24/02/2008 08:48

I hate tattoo's and wouldn't have one myself. However the moral difference between being 17 years and 11 months (your daughter's current age) and being 18 years is so minimal, that I wouldn't try and get the bloke who did the tattoo in trouble.

At 17 years and 11 months, she was not going to change her mind about having the tat in a brief month and you agree it looks good it is just the location you object to, which is hardely the bloke who did it's problem.

Good idea about a insisting on a written contract if she ends up working for him.

2shoes · 24/02/2008 09:38

macdoodle i have no problem with ds getting a tattoo when he is 18. just concerned to hear that the girl in question wasn't 18.
The op is right not to kick up a stink as what is done is done. but it is concerning to hear the law is not adhered to.

Jane68 · 24/02/2008 12:52

My Mum wouldn't talk to me for 3 weeks when she discovered I had a rose tattoo on my hip I was about 22 (I got it when I was 18). It may not be pretty and she may or may not regret it when she is older, but face it there is nothing you can do now except have a massive argument which will achieve nothing. A salutory lesson in thinking things through before she acts is the best result here.

P.S. I bet you are biting your fist with anger at the mo, I probably would be too.

Roobie · 24/02/2008 13:04

How difficult is it to make sure that someone is over 18? It's not a spur of the moment thing like buying a drink in a pub or buying fags - why can't it be made obligatory to show some kind of solid ID that stands up? Passport? It would focus the mind if kids had to jump through some hoops before getting one of these things.

winniethewino · 24/02/2008 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePitstops · 24/02/2008 13:18

LEM you are not a shit mother at all

wrongs and rights of tattoo artist aside whats done is done now, like tou say a big argument wotn solve anything.

Her inviting you round for dinner sounds like a positive step, work on that rather than gettng angry about the tattoo.

I have to say you both sound like very similar people from yourpostings about her.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 24/02/2008 13:31

I found out last night that DD had let it slip to the guy that I would be paying for her to have a tattoo done on her back for her 18th!!! So he knew she was only 17 (not 18 til Jube) and the decision to have it done on the neck was because i had said, none on arms please as it looks butch!!!!!

SO i am pretty steaming actually as he was wrong to tattoo the neck of a young girl, regardless of her being 18 or not imo. She needed more time to think about this, and as my DP said, what he should have done was (regardless of age), considering she is not heavily tattooed (DP is) is say "come back in six months, if you still want it - fine "

I was going to pay for her to have a pretty big tattoo on her back for her 18th (although what with i dont know ) i most certainly will not be lining his pockets with my money!

I wont follow this up legally for one reason alone, and that is that i dont want to cause my DD heartache, she was upset enough by my reaction last night (i was visibly upset although i didnt shout and told her, through gritted teeth, that it looked nice) i dont want to make it into a huge negative.

I am considering a descret "word" in the tattooists ear and im going to make a concious effort to try and find her an apprenticeship or equivalent elsewhere as i dont want her being trained that it is OK to do facial tatts on young people.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 24/02/2008 13:41

I grew up in a world of motorbikes, tattoos and piercings but the guy who pierced my belly button for my 16th refused to do it even a few days early so I think it's pretty unethical of him to do her tattoo tbh.

At least if it's on the back of her neck she can cover it with her hair? I have afriednd who has a tattoo of a star on the back of her neck and you hardly ever see it.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 24/02/2008 13:45

VS, it coudlnt be more visible right on the front of her neck like a giant black lovebite .

I LIKE tattoos, but not on MY daughters NECK!!

Disenchanted about the pinup girl, i love all the retro tattoos that are coming back, cant see me having any more now though.

OP posts:
itsahardknocklife · 24/02/2008 14:00

lucyellensmum - you should do something to report the tatooist. It is illegal for anyone under 19 to get one - even with permission. Any tatooist that will work on someone under that age, or not check ID of someone that could be under that age, is obviously dodgy. What other things are they doing wrong - are they using clean needles each time?
I would be very concerned if I were you.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 24/02/2008 14:18

they use new needles each time, so not too concerned about the risk of intection, but still mighty angry. I just think that if, in a years time, she still wanted this done then OK but she changes her mind with the weather does DD1. Lets hope she likes this "thing" as much as she claims to.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 24/02/2008 14:51

itsahard the legal age is 18 in fact

itsahardknocklife · 24/02/2008 14:53

ah yes I meant 18, that was a typo

Blandmum · 24/02/2008 14:54

I thought that facial tattos were illegal?

I;m sure I read this at one point.

am I going mad?

(I know this tat is on neck, but I'm getting confused! )

noddyholder · 24/02/2008 14:58

It isn't the end of the world and tbh if she wants to work in that field and is an artistic temperamnet this is probably not going to be her last tattoo.I agree you need to take some time to accept it.Can I ask why it bothers you so much?genuinely interested

RustyBear · 24/02/2008 14:59

DD has been saying for ages that she's going to get a tattoo "the minute she is 18"

She's been 18 for exactly 1 week so far, and it's been half term, but afaik she hasn't done it yet, so I'm hoping she may be having second thoughts - luckily she only wants it on her foot, which is more easily covered.

IamTheSpeedingHam · 24/02/2008 15:06

shes moved out and she is nearly 18 so in that sense YABU

however you dont like it, its not discrete and you are disapointed.... and you are allowed you are her mum.

my ds -18 was going to have a tattoo

i said " no girls names" ffs he would look like a baby nme book byt he time he is 24

he was going to get my mums face tatooed on his back - i think it looks cheap and tacky and my mother wasnt cheap and tacky and theefor would be disrespectful