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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a tad (understatement of the century) upset that DD1 has come home with a massive................

131 replies

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:20

Tattoo on her neck!! Not a nice removable henna tattoo or transfer, not something pretty and descrete - oh no, not my DD, she has to go that one step further - a stonking great black/grey rose (her own design) that is noticable from across the street!!

OP posts:

DrNortherner · 23/02/2008 21:29

Oh God.

I would be gutted, furious and horrified.

If she is underage yuo should sue the tatooist.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/02/2008 21:29

Oops, x-post.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:31

She will be 18 next month, so still technicallly under age , permission is irrelevant actually. I am seething to be honest. I am/was tempted to report the artist, but DD desperately wants to be a tattooist and he has offered her an apprenticeship (although whats going to happen when he finds out her actual age i dont know). Aside from that, DD1 and my relationship has been pants, really awful and only in the last few months is it improving and i dont want to jeopardise that.

I feel complicit also, she already has a tattoo on her back, done with my approval and i have more than one myself so i am not in any way anti tattoo, but on her neck FFS!! It is really obvious and not feminine at all. I knew she was having it done, I asked her not to, but didnt want to come the heavy and besides she has left home so what can i do. Now i feel really guilty that i didnt put my foot down.

The irony is that there is a big part of me who thinks, yea, thats my girl, and admires the rebel in her (i was much the same, had my breast tattood at the same age!) and think it actually does look quite sexy and subversive BUT it is there FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!!! I think her job prospects are going to suffer big time and ive explained this to her before. Her boyfriend paid for it as a valentines present, best he keep away from me for a while.

I don't regret any of my tattoos but they are not visible, apart from the one on my shoulder which i can cover. I just pray she doesnt regret this one and in years to come resent me for not stopping her.

OP posts:

Spidermama · 23/02/2008 21:32

I know this is hard and counter intuitive but what's done is done. You will have to learn to live with it and so will she. It's a very big experience having a tattoo and if I were you, and you don't want to alienate her, I would try to contain your repulsion and disappointment otherwise you may find it puts a distance between you from which it will be difficult to recover.

I know it's not easy, but it's not the worst thing in the world. She's still your dd and there are much worse things she could do and may well go on to do if there's a perceived lack of support and understanding.

Spidermama · 23/02/2008 21:33

Sorry. X posts. It sounds like you're experienced enough to get through this.

I think you're right to want to safeguard the improvments made in your relationship.

pukkapatch · 23/02/2008 21:35

i think, since she already has one, with your premission, then it isn tactually the big deal that we are all thinking it is.
it was her decision to make, sh ehas made it. she will have to live with the consequences. you will have to swallow your ire.

PersephoneSnape · 23/02/2008 21:36

i am covered in tattoos and i think it's absolutely crass. I would NEVER condone a young woman getting a tattoo in such a visible place. good luck with her job ops. the neck is a VERY painful place to get tattooed, but it is even more painful to get lazer treatment.

the legal age to get a tattoo is eighteen. amongst the (heavily) tattooed community it is not well thought of to have hands/face/public tattoos that cannot be easily covered as a first tattoo. the 'artist' would be far more interested in the money they are getting for doing the tattoo that the effect such a tattoo may have on a young woman. most reputable artists would not do this.

if your daughter is under 18 i would play along, make appreciative noises, ask where she got it, because it's so well done and then go to see the police. there is a minimum fine of £1000 for people breaking the law ( it's the '1967 tattooing of minors act' you need to quote) to be honest, people who love tattooing and think of it as an art form do not want children to have their career options hindered by public tattoos. we very much look down on people who tattoo under-18s and want them prosecuted - it gives the whole trade a very bad name.

i have had friends put out of business because people take fake ID with them. a lot of reputable studios card anyone who looks to be under 25. If she managed to get her neck tattooed at such a young age I would hazard a guess that it's not of a very high standard.

moljam · 23/02/2008 21:36

lucyellensmum- i really want to see pic of you.sometimes i read your posts and you seem like a yummy mummy (in a nice way)and now i cant imagine you with tattoes!you ALWAYS come across as lovely though and im sure you will do/react in completly right way with your dd(ive no idea how id react as dd is only 7)

assdoc · 23/02/2008 21:39

I have tattos that I've obtained since I was 17. I still love them all at 35. BUT I don't have any that I can't hide if I want to.

All the tattoists I've been to refuse to do hands or neck/face so I'd be very interested in finding out where she had it done given her age.

Get her working/saving for the laser treatment to remove it.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:41

i didnt shout at her and tried to hide how upset i was, but she could tell by my face that i was a very unhappy bunny indeed. She was upset that i didnt like it but honestly, what does she expect, im her mother! I have to disapprove, don't i? I've taken some pictures but cannot manage to upload them so i cant show you for some reassurance that it doesnt look terrible. In some strange way it does suit her. She has facial peircings too, but they are closing up, it might be as well if she re does them, it will be appropriate now .

I have emailed her and told her that now i have got over the shock that i do really like it (i'm lying) but there is little point in saying to her that i think it looks shit, considering its there for life. I have asked that she has some girly pink put in the flower at some point just to take the hard edge off.

She has asked to come to dinner tomorrow (a first since she has moved out!) so i get the feeling the whole experience has knocked her a little, it is such a big thing. Still raging against the tattoo artist though.

OP posts:

PersephoneSnape · 23/02/2008 21:43

incidentally, now that you've posted while i was typing ( ;) ) I do think that it's wonderful that young women are making inroads into what is still seen as a very male trade, but (without seeing your daughters artistic abilities) i would be very very suspicious of a male tattooist offering an apprenticeship to a young female on the basis of seeing one design that she has brought in to get tattooed on herself. traditional tattoo apprenticeships are like pixie gold & very hard work, often treated as unpaid shop-slave. I appreciate that your daughter is almost an adult, but if my child were offered an apprenticeship, i would want to meet the tattooist (who is prepared to tattoo children ) to ensure my daughter was not being sexually harassed.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:45

moljam - i am just picking myself up off of my chair regarding the yummy mummy thing, i am astounded and complemented all at once. I am about as far removed from a yummy mummy as you could possibly get. My DP says i give B smith (prisoner cell block H) a run for her money!

Of course i'll keep my pictures to myself, wouldnt want to shatter anyones illusions

OP posts:

assdoc · 23/02/2008 21:45

Is it on the back of her neck, covering the spine? If so that has to be much better than on the front/side so it won't be thefirst thing you see when you meet her.

I think the back of the neck is a great place for a tat but that's just me.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:50

Perse, that is a good point, however i do actually know the artist (not personally - bu thave spoken to him in the past regarding apprenticeships). I am less than impressed with him to be honest, although i have to say, he comes across as a decent sort and im stunned that he has done this to be honest. A quiet word in his ear might be called for. To be fair, DD1 has a port-folio of very good artwork that she has shown this person and the apprenticeship was offered before the tattoo talked about. I dont think there is a harrassment issue here i really don't, but you are right, before i let her do the apprenticeship i will be weighing this guy up more thoroughly.

To be fair, her tattoo, does, apart from where it is, look good - but i just cannot get over the fact that she wont be able to hide it.

IT wasnt spur of the moment, as tattoos have been all she talked about since about 14. Im stunned she waited so long as she looks much older, shame she doesnt ACT it

OP posts:

bellavita · 23/02/2008 21:51

I used to like Cell Block H!

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:52

no assdoc (intriguing name - i do actually know a rectal specialist, i although i tend to call him an arsehole mechanic ;)) its there on the side of her neck, under her ear, about 2" in diameter

OP posts:

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 21:53

so did i bella but don't shout about it, it will give our ages away

OP posts:

assdoc · 23/02/2008 21:55

ooh I'm not THAT kind of "rectal specialist".

I was formally known as amateurarsedoctor on MN, that may help explain.

assdoc · 23/02/2008 21:56

What a shame about the location of the tatoo. I'd be pissed off about that big time.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 23/02/2008 22:00

assdoc, were you the one with the skin tag/pile thingy??

Anyway, whats done is done - and i suppose it could have been worse, she could have had a swastika or some bloody silly red devil or cartoon character, but despite myself (staring at pic of it) i think it looks quite sexy.

THat girl will send me to an early grave i tell thee.

OP posts:

PersephoneSnape · 23/02/2008 22:01

well, just as well she wants to be a tattooist, because it's going to be really interesting trying to get other employment with a neck tattoo...options now = limited.

a lot of tattooists do take apprentices to do the donkey work. It saves them paying minimum wage to a receptionist or shop manager. The apprentice doesn't get within a sniff of a tattoo machine in the first year and a half because theres some nonsense about prooving your worth ( by being unpaid and knowing just how they like their tea...)I would ask what their training programme is, ask that they pay a basic salary that can be topped up with working tax credits and try to get some form of contract out of them. If they're not interested then i do think they're trying to exploit her, or just like having a young arm-candy apprentice around the shop. If she has talent, then people who do actually love the art will want her to train up to be a good ambassador for tatttooing ( sorry, us tattooed types can be quite precious )

Drusilla · 23/02/2008 22:02

Prisoner Cell Block H was fab

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 23/02/2008 22:05

I have always hated tattoos since I saw the huge burn scars on my mother's arms from when she had some removed.

moljam · 23/02/2008 22:09

BibiThree · 23/02/2008 22:14

I think a word needs to be had with the tattoo artist who did this. A neck tattoo is a big deal and not usually done on a young, not very tattoed person iykwim.

Nothing against them myself, have my own, but a neck tattoo on an underage girl?

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