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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to even consider getting a puppy in my circumstances?

83 replies

NeedPerspective1234 · 01/07/2023 19:40

Before I get flamed, I am looking for real advice/ opinions and posting here on AIBU for traffic. I haven't made a decision on getting a dog as I know it is a big commitment and I want to make this choice responsibly.

I am a single woman in her mid 30s, working a full time professional job on a good wage. My office is 10 mins from my place and I only have to be at the office for either the morning or afternoon 3/4 days a week. I can WFH for the rest of the time. I live in a nice big one bedroom flat. Dog would be alone for 4-5 hours every day, but with me otherwise. I could easily take one or two weeks off to help the puppy settle in initially of course

I have been dreaming of getting a Labrador puppy since I can remember. Now for the first time in many years I feel like I have the financial, logistical and emotional stability to actually consider getting a dog and I have found a serious breeder. I really want to do it, but the sheer size of the commitment is making me hesitate as I want to make sure I can meet the dog's needs in my circumstances.

Do you think it would be unfair for me to get a dog? AIBU to even consider getting a puppy as a single working person? Is it doable? Thanks for your advice!

OP posts:
SageHearts · 01/07/2023 19:44

You can’t leave a little puppy for 4 or 5 hours a day! Have you any idea how much exercise labs need or have you thought about the teenage years?

unvillage · 01/07/2023 19:44

The time left alone could be okay but you have to think about toileting. Puppies can't hold their pee for long, you don't have immediate access to outside if you're in a flat, and you don't want to be using puppy pads unless you want to deal with that for the rest of the dog's life.

Puppies are hard work and need a lot of attention.

Does it have to be a puppy? An older dog, already house trained and used to living inside and being on their own for a while, could suit your situation perfectly.

LiOLeary · 01/07/2023 19:45

Get an older dog and plan for regular doggy day care or dog walkers.

alwaysmovingforwards · 01/07/2023 19:45

Personally I wouldn't leave a young dog alone 4-5 hrs each day.

Had a dog when the kids were young (and not working). These days the kids are hound adults and I'm full time, wouldn't consider another dog until I retire.
Even then I'm not sure as I'll want to travel!

Dogs are best when you're with them a lot.

PrueRamsay · 01/07/2023 19:46

I had a Labrador. Honestly you can’t leave a puppy alone for five hours a day five days a week.

It will wreck your flat and be very unhappy.

CantFindTheBeat · 01/07/2023 19:47

We have a Labrador.

He is so easy, loving and adorable. He's 6 now and can easily be left for 4-5 hour stretches, although we don't do it regularly.

Caveat, though: The puppy stages are hard, and last a long time.
Puppies need training, love, attention and occupying, especially labs as they are very intelligent.

Do you have doggie daycare options?

wetotter · 01/07/2023 19:49

I think your idea that a puppy (any puppy, let alone a lab) will be settled in a couple of weeks is unrealistic.

Olderkids · 01/07/2023 19:51

You will definitely need doggy daycare. Also factor in really good pet insurance because if things go wrong (and hopefully they won’t), bills rack up very quickly.
But he/she will be a brilliant companion if you don’t mind paying the above.

EvilElsa · 01/07/2023 19:52

Honestly -as someone who has worked with working breed dogs since childhood I wouldn't get a lab if I lived in a one bed flat. I also wouldn't count on settling a puppy in to be left for 4-5 hours after two weeks either. I'd leave the dog dreams for now and look at it again if your situation changes with regards to work or housing. Well done for taking things into consideration first though, loads don't. My friend has taken on quite a few labs that haven't settled into a home life (destructive/bored) who have flourished in a working dog lifestyle.

StayAnonn · 01/07/2023 19:53

You'd need to build up to leaving the dog for 4-5 hours over several months, not 2 weeks.

I've always gone by 'no longer than an hour alone for each month you've had them'. So if you get an 8 week old puppy, you don't leave them at all for 4 weeks. When they're 3 months, you can leave them for an hour. 4 months, for 2 hours etc.

MissChanandlerB0NG · 01/07/2023 19:54

It's hard work, OP.

You might need an extra pair of hands with a dog sitter or dog walker to come by regularly that'll definitely help a puppy settling in.

It might be worth looking at fostering a dog for a little while and seeing how that goes first.

Best of luck!

Ginola2345 · 01/07/2023 19:54

I wouldn’t leave a dog for more than four hours especially a puppy/young dog (its unfair on the dog).

Also a garden is handy and almost essential alongside regular long walks.

Having a dog can hamper your life in other ways for example since lockdown many more people have dogs than before so if you want a holiday or an overnight stay somewhere where you can’t take your dog/puppy kennel availability is a nightmare at the moment with many people unable to book holidays and having to instead find a short break holiday for two or three days instead of the 7 or 14 days they wanted to fit around the availability of kennels.

So lots of factors to take into account.

Tygertiger · 01/07/2023 19:56

You don’t toilet train an 8 week puppy in 1-2 weeks. It involves regular trips to the garden (every 20 mins) for the first couple of weeks, then at least hourly once they get the idea for a couple of months. How will you manage that?

As for the breed….labs are working dogs. They are clever, bred to have a job to do and to spend a lot of time outdoors. They moult heavily, smell a bit doggy (as they have oily coats due to being bred to go in water to retrieve game) and are not good with stairs as it’s bad for their hips (if you’re not on the ground floor, it’s a non-starter for that reason).

What if the dog develops separation anxiety and howls the place down? I have only been able to leave my dog who is nearly 2 for the past couple of months as he has had terrible SA and has needed months of training and medication to help overcome it.

In all honesty I don’t think your set-up suits a puppy. It might suit an older rescue dog happy to be left for a few hours. But most rescues will not let a dog be left alone more than 4 hours max.

Careerdilemma · 01/07/2023 19:57

An older lab that goes out with a dog walker when you're at work to break up the time could work well. But bear in mind it's going to need two decent walks a day 365 days a year. And assuming you don't have a garden you'll have to take if outside every 3/4 hours.

Jongleterre · 01/07/2023 19:57

What if your job changes? A dog can love for over 15 years. Is it realistic to expect your working hours not to change in that time?

You cannot leave a dog in a flat for 4/5 hours a day. It will be more than that as you will have time after work go Jo shipping, socialise, etc.

I'm sorry but I don't think it's realistic to have a puppy or even an older dog at the moment.

gogomoto · 01/07/2023 19:58

People are saying you can't leave a puppy 5 hours, well it really is breed and personality dependent. My ddog was left circa 4 hours from the start without any issues but not a lab. Think also about having to walk many times a day without a garden, again doable but have you the time?

I personally wouldn't recommend a dog with only one person to do the work as they take so much time. We had 4 people capable of walking etc at the time we got our dog (circumstances different now but still 3 when he's with me)

ikno · 01/07/2023 19:59

I agree that your set up does not suit a puppy unfortunately! When they’re young, they’re needy. 2 weeks is not enough for them to be happy when you’re not home.

Superdupes · 01/07/2023 20:01

I think it would be a much better idea to see if you can rescue an older lab, I think they are one of the better dogs as they get older for leaving alone for a while. If you have stairs though - ie you're not on the ground floor - then I wouldn't get a lab, they often end up with dodgy legs, I look after an older one who wouldn't be able to get up the stairs in our house now despite being on numerous medications and supplements for arthritis.

PrueRamsay · 01/07/2023 20:01

Maybe have a look at Borrowmydoggy and see how you get on with a part time dog?

CaffineChaos · 01/07/2023 20:07

I have a lab? She was a very easy puppy but it took a shit load longer than a couple of weeks to have her settled and trained to the level she could regularly be left alone for that sort of length of time. You have to build up slowly and I doubt many puppies would manage well after only two weeks.

A few mins unsupervised my dog would chew all sorts. I can just imagine what she'd do with several hours. Unless you plan to crate which I think is cruel for that length of time for a pup out regularly esp after just two weeks.

And listening to dogs howling for 4+ hours is upsetting for neighbours, my next door neighbour got two puppies and left them alone for half the day and ended up selling them again when a complaint was made to her landlord. (Not by me, the neighbour on the other side of her did after speaking to her did nothing)

GeorgiaGirl52 · 01/07/2023 20:21

The pp on MN will tell you no dog unless you are home 24/7 and have a large fenced garden. Also still need doggie daycare and dog walker for socialization.
I have had dogs for 64 years. Never used daycare or paid walkers. You can have a dog - but not a lab. Scale down to a smaller dog that will fit in your apartment. More of a companion breed than a working breed - Bichon, Cavalier KC, Shih Tzu, etc. Use a large crate when you are a work. By large, I mean one that is about 4X the size of the dog so he can move around. The moment work is over, come home and open the crate. Walk him, play with him, feed him, walk him again. Do not crate at night. Leave the crate open so he can go in and out, but he can sleep wherever he and you agree.
As long as you do not take time away from your pup to get nails done, food shop, pub quiz nights with friends etc. you and the dog will be fine.

Curledupwithabook · 01/07/2023 20:23

A friend of mine has similar circumstances to you - single and hybrid working, and got a puppy (more active breed) She has done it successfully, but it required: time off work initially (she took 2weeks off) then family member or friend WFH in her home on the days that she was in work up until the point that puppy had jabs and was trained well enough to be able to go to doggy day care.

Now the dog is 6 months old she does a mix of doggy day care and dog walkers on the days that she spends some time in the office. So it can be done, but you'd need to provide more than what you're currently suggesting. As others have said, the other option is an older dog who will adjust more quickly to time on their own - but even then, 4hrs should be the limit really.

YouJustDoYou · 01/07/2023 20:23

Dogs are social. Leaving them purely alone for hours isn't fair on them or their nature, at all.

YouJustDoYou · 01/07/2023 20:23

Curledupwithabook · 01/07/2023 20:23

A friend of mine has similar circumstances to you - single and hybrid working, and got a puppy (more active breed) She has done it successfully, but it required: time off work initially (she took 2weeks off) then family member or friend WFH in her home on the days that she was in work up until the point that puppy had jabs and was trained well enough to be able to go to doggy day care.

Now the dog is 6 months old she does a mix of doggy day care and dog walkers on the days that she spends some time in the office. So it can be done, but you'd need to provide more than what you're currently suggesting. As others have said, the other option is an older dog who will adjust more quickly to time on their own - but even then, 4hrs should be the limit really.

This.

Ferntastical · 01/07/2023 20:30

And listening to dogs howling for 4+ hours is upsetting for neighbours, my next door neighbour got two puppies and left them alone for half the day

Mine too. Hours every weekday listening to it bark and howl pretty much constantly. Been going on now for about a month and is just heartbreaking to hear.