To Allow My Daughter To Express Herself

[Clareanscombe1964]

My parents gave me a pretty good foundation I think, they weren’t too strict or too lenient. They allowed me a degree of freedom that my friends didn’t have on the basis that I worked hard at school, was always honest and adhered to the reasonable boundaries they set me.
So I’ve tried to do the same with my own kids but of course they are very young still. My dd is 5 and very mature for her age, she works hard at school and we have a great open relationship where she talks to
me about anything. Long may it continue. She is very expressive; loves clothes and fashion and it makes her so happy to express herself through clothes, make up etc. Today she wanted to wear a certain outfit, have purple hair and make up. Which I was happy to do for her. Off we go to a school fayre and looking around her I see that she’s pretty different to the other kids in terms of how they look. Am I in that wrong to let her do these things in her down time because she’s 5 or should I allow her the freedom to choose how she looks even if it means wearing a little mascara?

I have a friend who was always very much 'not like other girls', when she had kids she would go on about how she was so different to the school run mums and how they all judged her. None of them actually seemed to me to be judging or even thinking about her they just didn't speak to her because she didn't speak to them. She's a great friend and person but way too caught up in her own self image as being the cool/goth/rock girl while seeing everyone else at the school gates as generic 'mums' not thinking they might have their own interests and personality just like her.
This is exactly the kind of thing she would write about her children, seeing them as an extension of her own 'edginess'.
No one cares what your kids wear and tbh I find the idea that I could take my 5 yo to a school fete and some other parent is looking at their outfit and comparing it against their own child's 'expressiveness' really weird.

Talk about anything? That’s what all 5 year olds do, you can’t shut them up, drives me nuts. It’s called verbal diarrhoea!

I don't think hair dye and makeup is age appropriate for a five year old but I suppose once in a while it wouldn't hurt. However I definitely wouldn't let a five year old wear mascara, I have to admit I am judging you a bit there. I have to say it would worry me a bit if a five year old felt she needed mascara to express herself. PPs have suggested more age appropriate alternatives likes coloured hair clip ins and face painting that I think are better.

I don’t see any problem with that. My son goes through stages of wearing blusher, highlighter and lipstick and having his nails done at the salon with me… then he goes off it and doesn’t bother for months. I put my foot down when he wanted high heels for a family wedding because they are bad for feet/posture and he would probably break his ankle. He dyed his hair bright fuchsia pink with a ‘lasts 20 washes’ type dye- it washed out within 5 washes and his hair was fine.

I should say he dyed his hair at 7, and I think first had gel nails at 7 too, but had normal painted nails from 3 ish. My nieces started having Claire’s make up at about 5.

Out of interest what colour does the parents dye their hair.

You can dress your child however you want.

*did