To Allow My Daughter To Express Herself

[Clareanscombe1964]

My parents gave me a pretty good foundation I think, they weren’t too strict or too lenient. They allowed me a degree of freedom that my friends didn’t have on the basis that I worked hard at school, was always honest and adhered to the reasonable boundaries they set me.
So I’ve tried to do the same with my own kids but of course they are very young still. My dd is 5 and very mature for her age, she works hard at school and we have a great open relationship where she talks to
me about anything. Long may it continue. She is very expressive; loves clothes and fashion and it makes her so happy to express herself through clothes, make up etc. Today she wanted to wear a certain outfit, have purple hair and make up. Which I was happy to do for her. Off we go to a school fayre and looking around her I see that she’s pretty different to the other kids in terms of how they look. Am I in that wrong to let her do these things in her down time because she’s 5 or should I allow her the freedom to choose how she looks even if it means wearing a little mascara?

Make up and hair dye aren't appropriate at 5 for a wide variety of social and health reasons.

Usually when someone speaks of allowing their child to "express themselves" it's code for "has no discipline or regard for others" I'm afraid

I always let my kids pick their outfits, they fit in sometimes, sometimes they didn’t.

I am uncomfortable at the idea of a 5 year old expressing themselves through make up. Especially since we are not just talking ‘I want my eyelids to be purple because I like purple’.

Going down the route of using make up to meet beauty standards like mascara, seems a bit much. I have never known a 5 year old say ‘I want to express myself by making my eyelashes longer and darker. My inner self has longer darker eyelashes’

i do think that’s into pushing beauty standards into them. Also waiting to hear what the particular purify is.

I also don’t mind kids having colours in their hair as long as it’s chalk and not something damaging their actual hair. Dd had some cheap clip in extensions around that age because she wanted various colours in her hair.

I think kids should express themselves but I also think parents need to think about outside influences, including their own. I also think boundaries are also a must. I don’t think kids not having boundaries isn’t good parenting

When I say make up I’m not talking about a full face here! I’m saying some sparkly eye shadow from Claire’s…nothing else. Today she asked for a small amount of mascara. And as for hair dye it’s not permanent, I meant wash out ie the same as hair chalk! Talk about judgement without context. And also she has clear boundaries and I do not pretend to be her best friend!

@Plipplopdrop that’s a rather ridiculous generalisation isn’t it? My dd is called out for being the kindest and most well behaved in her class. She excels with the relevant boundaries set to her. So letting her be herself outside of school is a fair compromise

Foundation is bad for young skin (my son has to wear full stage makeup occasionally and it isn’t great).

Lipstick and eye shadow probably less so.

So long as clothes are weather/place appropriate and are clean/fit it doesn’t matter what kids wear.

My son died his hair at 7, it washed out and didn’t leave any damage.

No, I wouldn't allow eyeshadow or mascara.

Some of my friends have children who dance they are caked it make up. It looks awful.

@NeverDropYourMooncup it was a pair of purple jeans, a cream vest top and trainers! How was your popcorn!?!

You are a super kool mum and just so different. You ju Well done.

I wouldn't allow mascara but a bit of eyeshadow out of a kids pallet I wouldn't have issue with. I don't see that as any different to painting my sons nails when I do mine which he loves (/demands 🤣)

Ugh typos before I could amend. Can’t be bothered to write what I wanted now!

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@BogTrollAtLarge thank you for a reasonable response. She wants basic Claire’s eyeshadow that’s it. For example they had a rock kids day and she wanted to wear black eyeshadow. She doesn’t wear anything else, today she said she wanted to try mascara which was the minimum amount I could do.

Talk about judgement without context.

Errm well you started the thread and chose not to publish that context.

Either way, I don't approve of makeup on small children (outside of dressing up at home) and definitely not mascara which doesn't just effortlessly wash off like eyeshadow.

@IAmAnIdiot123 thankyou, that’s all I’m talking about. Today she asked to try mascara which I said ok with the smallest amount. It’s Claire’s eyeshadow for context and wash out hair colour!

@WonderfulUsername i assumed that there would be some reasonable context applied given she’s 5. Clearly I’m not going to be doing her a full face of foundation!

So you rushed out and bought her her own mascara on the quick, or you let her use yours - thus risking a serious eye infection?

I used to wonder sometimes when mine were little if it was possible to actually talk someone to death

There is no reasonable context in which a 5 year old child rocks up to their school fete, wearing mascara and sporting purple hair.

But that's just me, you obviously do you 🤷‍♀️

Sorry.

@BogTrollAtLarge what answer would be acceptable to you? no I didn’t rush out to buy her one, I did however have a ample mascara I hadn’t yet used.

I wouldn't allow a 5-year-old to wear makeup of any kind. I personally don't find it appropriate. But it's entirely up to you, of course.

I prefer 5 year olds to express themselves through other mediums than make up, hair dye and clothes. You say she's mature for her age - at 5 what does that even mean? - and so think it's fine that she wants to dress like a teen.

My 5 year old wouldn't have even known what make up was as I don't wear it - where do you think she is getting these ideas about what is important to women/girls from?

@WonderfulUsername well there are kids in her school that turn up to actual school with permanently died hair at 5 and those that turn up in their own clothes regularly. She attends school with no hair colour, in her correct uniform 100% of the time!

I actually don't think there's an issue with kids wearing sparkly eye shadow or temporary hair dye. It's just a bit of fun.

But I wouldn't let a 5yo wear mascara.