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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'The problem is you're too lazy to be a good mother'

51 replies

AspirationalToiletries · 23/02/2008 20:09

DD (6m) has had 9wks of crap sleeping.

tried moses basket, cot in our room, cot next to our bed, cot in nursery, cosleeping but she still won't reliably go down till 11 or so and then wakes every hour.

have bought No-Cry Sleep Soln and am working through it steadily in effort to get her sleeping longer and in own cot

but judging by what dh said tonight it's not working

OP posts:
bramblebooks · 23/02/2008 20:10

((((A.T.)))) and just what is he doing to support you in helping your (both!) daughter to sleep?

MoreSpamThanGlam · 23/02/2008 20:11

WTF?

Let him have a go then

stuffitllama · 23/02/2008 20:12

DO NOT START BELIEVING HIM

just don't

stuffitllama · 23/02/2008 20:13

I mean to say it's really really really tough and I'm sure he's lovely and everything but really he doesn't know how tough it is for you obviously

do not start believing him ok?

Beauregard · 23/02/2008 20:13
Angry
BumperliciousIsOneHotMother · 23/02/2008 20:13

OMG, I'm afraid I have nothing practical to add but he needs a slap. I bet you are a fantastic mother.

mollymawk · 23/02/2008 20:14

Well, that's a terrible thing to say and what's more is utter nonsense.
I would say keep trying with NCSS but it does take a long time to see results I think. The thing is, sometimes at that age (or any age up to about 2 or more!) they can be restless sleepers for no reason that you can fathom. It will get better.

glucose · 23/02/2008 20:15

What qualities did he have when you married him?

bozza · 23/02/2008 20:15

Excuse me but your DD has two parents, and, assuming her doesn't work night shifts, it is just as much his responsibility as yours.

Actually though, I don't quite grasp why getting up every hour through the night is a sign of laziness.

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:15

ok, well unless it really needs a context to explain it away, that is a shity thing to say

i have a 7mo

he's a bad sleeper, but not - to be fair - as bad as yours!

i'm shattered. sometimes i can't bring myself to get up to go to him in the night and beg dh to go. that doesn't make me lazy. it makes me shattered. as a rresult of being a mother

i can't think of a way in which he's not being an arse

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:16

what has being lazy got to do with sleep patterns [puzzled emoticon] Have you tried the respond "you're too much of an arse to be a good father"

Anyway in my oh so very humble opinion lazy mothers are the BEST ones = loads of playing and adventures and very little housework

pooka · 23/02/2008 20:16

What an intensely hurtful thing to say to a mother.

What did you reply?

Original poster
AspirationalToiletries · 23/02/2008 20:16

bozza because there is a problem
and if only I worked hard enough I would be able to solve it.

as it is I am 'taking the path of least resistance'

OP posts:
squimlet · 23/02/2008 20:17

You are a brilliant mother. Dont let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
Men seem to open their mouths before they engage their brains.

Tell him to hold his row until he grows boobs and has a go himself.

Bouncingturtle · 23/02/2008 20:17

Sorry, but your dh is an insensitive tosser to say that to you.
If you are a lazy mother then he is a crap husband...

constancereader · 23/02/2008 20:17

What an awful thing to say.
I agree with everything everyone else has said.
Do not believe him, and expect an apology.

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:18

I love the no cry sleep solution (HINT the no cry bit refers to mummies!) it gves you permission to do almost what you like (within reason. The tirsk I found was to stick with one thing for a LOOOOOONG time

squimlet · 23/02/2008 20:18

oh and it might be a smudge early to try the ncss but I am not certain

choosyfloosy · 23/02/2008 20:18

lazy. hmmm. I'll charitably assume that he's knackered too, let's face it most parents are. was this comment part of a helpful idea that he feels will improve matters? if so, what?

goldpony · 23/02/2008 20:19

OMG what a terrible thing to say to you. I can only think that he is absolutely knackered and doesn't know what he's saying.

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:19

agree with kewcumber in terms of solutions

yuou have to find one that you are comfortable with, and go with it. and go with it. relentlessly

for us, twice, it has been cc

Washersaurus · 23/02/2008 20:20

I have had similar comments from my DH before now. DS2 (6mo) has been a terrible sleeper for about 6 months - have tried all the things you have mentioned. My current approach is to feed him when he cries for food (and when I believe he is hungry - usually around 11pm/midnight) and any other wakes ups are left to DH to sort out.

It turns out DS2 responds much better to being resettled by DH anyway. If I try to do it he cries for about an hour; whereas all DH has to do is put his hand on his chest and shush him and he goes back to sleep almost immediately.

I also pretend to be asleep on those nights when DS1 shouts from his room "Oh no, I've pooed/wee'd on my sheets"

lillypie · 23/02/2008 20:20

He sounds like a complete tosser too me

mollymawk · 23/02/2008 20:21

With babies this young I think that the path of least resistance is often the right one. Instinct can count for a lot. So do what you think is best.
Tell him that a baby is not some sort of engineering problem.

TheApprentice · 23/02/2008 20:21

Well you sound anything but lazy to me. Men can be inconsiderate b***ds at times. I'm guessing he is frustrated and taking it out on you. Which is not acceptable.

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