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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'The problem is you're too lazy to be a good mother'

51 replies

AspirationalToiletries · 23/02/2008 20:09

DD (6m) has had 9wks of crap sleeping.

tried moses basket, cot in our room, cot next to our bed, cot in nursery, cosleeping but she still won't reliably go down till 11 or so and then wakes every hour.

have bought No-Cry Sleep Soln and am working through it steadily in effort to get her sleeping longer and in own cot

but judging by what dh said tonight it's not working

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:21

"if only I worked hard enough I would be able to solve it" is he a manager - sounds like the ridiculous kind of thing fatehrs who are managers and are still in owrk mode say. f he thinks it is so simple - let him do it.

I'm a finance director - I am very good at bossing around lots of people in work. However, my two year old brings me to my knees in abjetct pleading at times

Your DH has NOOOO idea - print this thread out for him!

stuffitllama · 23/02/2008 20:21

kewcumber yes on "lazy mums"!

goldpony · 23/02/2008 20:22

For us it has been 'getting someone else to go in to dd for a few nights'. She had lots and lots of cuddles and wasn't left on her own to cry, but somehow having grandma there instead of mummy or daddy just made it easier for her to learn to go back to sleep.

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:22
Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:22

???>>

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:23

ooh, snap on the usage, kc

Carmenere · 23/02/2008 20:23

Hahahahahahahahah Fuckwit
I'm sorry but the father of your baby is of fairly low intelligence even to think that, not to mind actually say it.

Habbibu · 23/02/2008 20:24

Agree with Kewcumber. Find a plan that makes you feel comfortable and stick at it. I think it's the combination of the technique you choose and the confidence in having made a decision which helps. We did a gradual withdrawal thing which started with sshh/patting. Took weeks. But it worked! And dd liked it, which was important to us.

AT - at present I suspect the trouble with your DH is he's too arsey to be a good husband...

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:25
Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:26

I tend to use gradual withdrawl too but can;t help thinking of a method of birth control popluar with Catholics every time I say it.

fym · 23/02/2008 20:27

I know this one isn't going to be popular but here goes....

try following the Gina Ford routine.

I had a similar problem with DS (although not as bad) and this worked for me. I found that when I was waking him regularly after set amounts of sleep at nap time and making sure his tummy was full during the day by feeding him to a schedule the night waking reduced and he started sleeping through.

My cousin had a similar problem (DD though night was day) and it was all about too much sleep in the day.

PS ignore your DH.... you must be a great mother to get up every hour in the night.

Justtwosecondspoppet · 23/02/2008 20:28

Tell him to do it!! You're the one with the instinct, you go with the instinct and ignore him! You are not lazy-lazy would be leaving your baby to cry. It's perfectly normal for them to wake a lot at this age, just keeping telling yourself that your dd just misses her mummy and wants some one-to-one time and you'll feel a bit less stressed. We used to end up watching heartbeat on UK Gold at 3am until dd was about 1!!

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:29

arf kc

bet when you first got him home you just cuddled and cuddled....

(mind, after a while, a glass of wine is far more appealing than cuddling, no?)

JeremyVile · 23/02/2008 20:31

He's talking shite.
And 'AspirationalToiletries' is probably the bast MN name I've come across.

JeremyVile · 23/02/2008 20:32

...and also the best!!

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:33

indeed, jv, and it makes me sure that this is a regular, namechanger

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:38

actually Tutter when I first got him I couldn;t cuddle himas he didn't knwo how to not how to kiss. The only thing I could comfort him with that he would accept at first was lying down nect to him (not touching) and holding his hand. He had to be taught to kiss and cuddle, he had no need to know before.

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:39

shit kc now you made me cry

Tutter · 23/02/2008 20:39

in my defence i have had 2 (large) glasses of wine

Kewcumber · 23/02/2008 20:41

aw tutter - he;s all better now. HAs developed an alarming tendancy to lurch at every baby he sees for a kiss. I'm conscious that many mothers don't think squealing toddlers slobbering over their precious ones are so charming!

Divastrop · 23/02/2008 20:45

i have heard good things about ncss from other ladies on the march07 thread,i imagine its worth sticking with.i agree about instinct-do whats right for you and your baby.

one of mine is shouting over the baby monitor and i am ignoring her as dh has legs

squilly · 24/02/2008 11:54

Kewcumber...I just saw your post about lazy mums being the best. What a fab philosophy for parenting.

And husbands/partners who denegrate their partners when babies are small should be strung up with cheese wire by the tentacles!

OP I know lack of sleep can make a dad grumpy, but gawd, that man of yours needs a good slapping and a reminder that it takes 2 to make babies and 2 to bring em up too. Maybe he'd like to take over for 48 hours, let you get some sleep?

sorry...I'm feeling very ranty today for some reason.

squilly · 24/02/2008 11:58

Oh...and further down the thread it says follow a certain person's methods...don't follow anything you're not comfortable with.

Personally, I think anything that goes against your natural parenting instincts (which GF does for me) isn't worth thinking about. And yes, I know it works for some people, but I don't like it....it's too parentcentric.

bb99 · 24/02/2008 12:04

OMG - utter utter c**p! Horrid thing to say, hope DH has suffered at least as much sleep dep as you, to give some kind of poor exscuse for that.

How veerry dare he!!

AitchTwoOh · 24/02/2008 12:10