Husband on a buck weekend aibu

[Newmama93]

Aibu to expect a message when my husband is on a bux weekend away?

I asked him to keep me updated on when they got back to the room safe after they went out on a pub crawl, he messaged me at midday once they arrived at destination then they went out and I sent him two texts as I was going to bed (11pm) asking if the stripper had left the house (she was organised by other boys for the groom and I knew when she was going but said I had a problem if she stayed with them after paid time amount) and asking where they were and he read my messages and I didn’t hear back from him until this morning, he didn’t go to bed until 5am so I feel a little hurt he didn’t once think to let me know or respond. I was quite worried about him as they’d been drinking from 9am that morning! But am I seeming too overbearing to want this? Should I just catch up on details once he returns in two days?

I could understand if your post was about disapproving of him attending a party with a stripper involved. At a push, I could understand you being annoyed that he didn’t text you goodnight or whatever (although I would let that go). But I cannot make any sense as to why you want to know what time the stripper left. How on earth does this make a difference to anything?

OP is probably in Australia or New Zealand.

It's minging that a group of men will order a woman to take her clothes off in an apartment so they can be lecherous, wonder if she took security with her to keep her safe?

Gross isn't it, feels like we can't make any progress while it's still okay for strippers, onlyfans, prostitution to be okay.. women can't move forward if it's still okay to be seen as an object to be bought.

But she was ok with that. She was upset her dh didnt tell her what time the stripper left.

It’s all so grim, why is it seen as normal to have strippers at these events? Surely we have moved on from this

They are different jobs

Yab massively U

Maybe she's still there so he can't say what time she left?

What a pile of misogynistic bullshit.

Firstly, strippers and ‘hookers’ are too different jobs. No matter how distasteful you find either job, there’s a huge difference.

Secondly, do you really believe women deserve to be cheated on because they have accepted their dh has seen a stripper? So you believe the Op deserves to be cheated on? Do you believe the only men that cheat are ones that would go see strippers? Do you believes it’s a woman’s job to monitor their husbands and not turn a blind eye to prevent them cheating.

If dp was into strippers I would end it. As I said before the whole concept of strippers (male and female) makes me hugely uncomfortable. However, Op did accept he was going to a party where they were having a stripper back at the apartment. So people are answering within that context. I have avoided hen parties with strippers and I would expect dp to the same. But that’s not the context of Op situation. That decisions has already been made. He was going, she accepted it.

If Ops husband and his friends have actual hired a prostitute (or several) to have sex with rather than a stripper (as the women would be a prostitute not strippers) what time they leave won’t prevent wether he has cheated or not.

Strippers don’t magically turn into prostitutes at 2am. Husbands don’t all of a sudden become cheating shits at 2am either.

Asking someone drunk to provide you with some reassurance is asking for disappointment and setting people up to fail

I don't think it's strange at all to expect have the odd text, especially if you're pregnant. I've been on hen weekends (butler in the buff and all that) and been on 4 bucks nights. I'm a gay woman with lots of male friends. I guess witnessing and hearing about that behaviour made me cynical about how some lads behave. ☹️

Why do we normalise men ordering strippers? It's fucking horrible. Whether he texted me or not would be irrelevant. I wouldn't be with him full stop.

Just couldn't have any repect for a man who willingly buys a woman's body to watch her girate and dance for him in a sexual manner, while his pregnant wife sits at home.

My friend worked doing stripper gram. I can tell you it wasn’t her who felt used when drunk men were paying £150 for a basic 20 minute show, then an additional £40 each for a lap dance, which takes as long as a song. Would take me over 2 full days work in a boring office fetching coffee for an arrogant boss to make what she made in an hour. I think men overall are idiots, but she did say that on the whole stags tended to be respectful of no touching rules and it was all just fun. I think people are too quick to judge things they know nothing about

Your man's a 'type' isn't he? I'm guessing here but...sexist, blokey, not much respect for women, immature lads lads lads type?
Unfortunately if you choose to be with this sort, you're going to have to lower your expectations. Drinking, using other women for entertainment and his 'boys' are always going to be more important than sending you a goodnight text.
If you don't want to put up with this stuff, you need to look for a better man.

Exactly 🙌🏼

Yep!

@Blueta We know the women can earn a fortune and can take advantage of the mans drunkenness. We know she might live a life with no financial worries.
That's not the point.
The point is that men are still reducing women to a naked object to pay money for. In the daytime they are working alongside women who they are meant to be looking at as equals and be respectful, they have a wife at home they have to do the same to, and then by night they are paying a woman to be a body they slather over. An object to be purchased for their enjoyment.

Maybe she’s still there and that’s why he’s not text to say she left 😉he doesn’t want to lie.

This.

Cannot imagine ever being pregnant with a toddler and my husband is off on some boys weekend with a stripper.

The lives others lead, really grim.

This! My bar is set much higher than that.

But women do not have to be in a relationship and or have children with these men, it is a choice

*Your standards are weird, okay with a stripper coming to the place they're staying at but not okay with level of contact?

Get yourself some proper standards. I would never be with a man who went on laddy breaks who think hiring strippers is okay. Plenty of them around and it's served me well so far in my life.*

Very much agree. You have 2 kids with him but not comfortable enough to tell him this is unacceptable? Dh has been on plenty of stags that didn't involve strip clubs /strippers. Not all men are dogs. If you're ok with strippers, then you're ok with anything else that goes on there because how would you know the truth?

The lives others lead, really grim

I literally thought the same! I would be very clear on telling my dh that I won't accept this. I have standards and this doesn't meet my standards. Unbelievable what some women accept and then have silly rules around it.

I went on a hen party last weekend and sent my parter exactly 1 text which was a picture message of me with a mocktail (heavily pregnant so no booze)

It would have driven me mad to be expected to message dp all weekend, I'm away with my mates, I want to spend time with them, not using my phone.

The stripper thing is what it is, I wouldn't like it but the lack of text if neither here nor there. He could just lie anyway. I doubt your husband and his mates are such amazing catches that she would stick around without being paid. Men who pay for that sort of thing rarely are so I wouldn't be too worried about that.