Husband on a buck weekend aibu

[Newmama93]

Aibu to expect a message when my husband is on a bux weekend away?

I asked him to keep me updated on when they got back to the room safe after they went out on a pub crawl, he messaged me at midday once they arrived at destination then they went out and I sent him two texts as I was going to bed (11pm) asking if the stripper had left the house (she was organised by other boys for the groom and I knew when she was going but said I had a problem if she stayed with them after paid time amount) and asking where they were and he read my messages and I didn’t hear back from him until this morning, he didn’t go to bed until 5am so I feel a little hurt he didn’t once think to let me know or respond. I was quite worried about him as they’d been drinking from 9am that morning! But am I seeming too overbearing to want this? Should I just catch up on details once he returns in two days?

What posts are saying that? Most are correctly saying that him texting when the stripper leaves won't make a difference.

Agree

Are you going to a massive drip feed about how he cheated in you before Op?

You trust him or you don’t. There was nothing he could do about the time the stripper left and it’s daft to make him “chose” between that senario and you. As the pp says he’s drunk and with his friends. He’ll still love you and the kids ( if that’s your relationship)even if the stripper stayed drinking till morning.

I wouldn’t be happy with them hiring a stripper to come to the apartment, or going to watch one come to that, but if you’ve accepted that then focusing on the time she leaves does seem odd.
He could quite easily lie.

Assuming you're in Australia, most of my male friends regularly spoke of hiring a stripper (who doubled ap as a prostitute) to attend an apartment for bucks weekend. Also spoke of half the bucks attending a brothel (this was in Melbourne) after clubs closed. All married/longterm partners. These lads were a combination of professionals (doctors lawyers engineers) and tradies. I was always shocked when I heard the stories. I always thought they were decent blokes and this made me see them in a very different light

It’s actually pretty normal when boys are away staying in a penthouse for the weekend for a stripper to be organise to come and do a strip for the buck at the apartment, they aren’t prostitutes I’ve been to plenty of hens with male strippers and waiters coming to our weekend stay place for the hen!

im not fussed with this it’s more when they stay passed being paid just drinking and partying with them where I ask my husband to just let me know if this is the case - don’t see how strange it is. Anyway I trust he wouldn’t lie in response to everyone saying he’ll just lie, not sure what your husbands do but mine is truthful even when I won’t like the truth, I’m not disappointed he ignored me when this was my one thing I had asked to know.

anywhoo thanks everyone who responded normally.

I was disappointed he had ignored me when it was discussed prior could he please let me know*

Just leave the poor guy alone to enjoy his weekend! Otherwise, in future, he will feel obligated to lie to you on these occasions, just to fob you off.

Poor guy? Some of you ladies love to bash women down over nothing and pity men. He’s no poor guy, I asked one simple thing of him. He’s on a very expensive weekend trip away when I have HG being pregnant and a 2 year old and have been more than supportive and not needy in every other aspect of his trip including how much he’s spent of our bank acc on drinks and whatnot.

im done on this thread now

He text you when he got there. Leave him alone. Are you always this needy? He's with his mates having fun

Either you trust him or you don't OP.
If you've agreed to the weekend away I wouldn't be sending these texts - a check that he'd arrived safely but leave him alone after that. Make sure you get some time away for yourself in return.

If you don't trust him that's different but a much bigger problem. Or if you don't think he should have gone on the weekend at all because you're struggling alone at home that's something you need to discuss too.

What the hell is a buxs?

Why did you post if you weren't open to even discuss any disagreement? Just to keep restating your expectations.

Your standards are weird, okay with a stripper coming to the place they're staying at but not okay with level of contact?

Get yourself some proper standards. I would never be with a man who went on laddy breaks who think hiring strippers is okay. Plenty of them around and it's served me well so far in my life.

Same.

I wouldn't say you're needy OP, but I'd have to say YABU - if you were happy with it, knowing what was happening, there isn't really room to complain now.

I wouldn't stick around for DP if he decided he was going on a weekend with a stripper hired to the apartment - immediate ick for a start, pregnant or not. It's the sort of thing you are either fine with or not.

But what difference would you knowing actually make??

I don't think you're being needy, he saw the messages - so it's not like his phone was off - but he didn't bother replying. I'd certainly mention it but not make it a huge deal, if you're fine with him being there in the first place then it's not that much of a major thing.

Oh also standard MN - women and men go out all night and should never be expected to contact their OH's under any circumstances at any point during the night out - anything else is considered needy and is falling far below cool wife standards.

I have never heard it called a buck weekend before. Are you not in the UK @Newmama93?

“Yes darling, the stripper left hours ago”

Ugh how grim. I wouldn't care about how long she stayed. Why was she there at all?

Seems if you’re happy to watch men strip why are you bothered about this? It’s not normal for strippers in my circle to come, so by sounds of it this is a minority. My Partner wouldn’t go to something like that and the fact you’re ok with that but whinging about a text seems contradictory to me. He’s gone let him enjoy it if that’s what he’s into you either trust him or you don’t..

So to summarise, you dont like the stripper but feel you dont have any say or control so you wanted a text to try and reassure yourself he wasn't doing something without pretend permission and feel a bit in control rather han like he is walking all over you.

OP, I deliberately married a geek who has geeky friends who would die of embarrassment and uncomfortableness around strippers and likes to be in bed before midnight. I made that choice deliberately. You choose that man, you are choosing to live a life of insecurity.

As you aren’t there, and he can tell you whatever he wants about where she is, what’s the point in insisting on knowing?

In the nicest way, it’s someone else’s stag and you can’t really dictate what does and doesn’t happen on it.

I didn’t obsess about strippers during my husband’s stag. It didn’t occur to me to ask him if he’d been to a strip club until a couple of months after the wedding. You do sound a bit overbearing about it so I’d leave him alone and get on with my time with my kid.

im assuming australia

Absolutely grim. You chose him. Deal with it 🤷‍♀️

Op ignore all the women saying you’re needy and insecure because next thing you know these women will be changing their Profile name saying they found out their Dh cheated on them last year when they were turning a blind eye.

i Wouldn’t be happy if my husband went to a stag do and they’d paid for a hooker stripper to visit the apartment so YANBU to expect your husband to offer you some reassurance on this matter. It’s the least he bloody well do!!