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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH called me a twat for sending his shirt for ironing??

71 replies

Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:30

As usual, needs to go somewhere this morning, can’t find shirt he wants and is storming around the house in a flap.

starts deflecting his issue on to me, asking in a very accusatory manner if I sent his shirt off for ironing and that’s why he can’t find it (we get a weekly service).

I sarcastically/ jokingly said “oh no, sending your shirts away to be ironed, aren’t I dreadful!” to which he called me a twat and said I was being an arsehole!!

Appreciate it’s probably not the best timing for sarcasm when someone is rushing around- but frankly he’s trying to make his problem mine. He could have got his clothes sorted last night instead of falling asleep on the sofa.

AIBU??

OP posts:
TheGuv1982 · 30/06/2023 07:36

i mean… he could sort himself out, and iron his own clothes so he doesn’t have this problem. It’s really not difficult.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/06/2023 07:37

I’d withdraw services from now on. Let him sort it all out himself and then he’ll know where his shirt is.

00100001 · 30/06/2023 07:38

My friend's husband is like to. Can't find something of his, so its my friend's fault be can't find it...

jeaux90 · 30/06/2023 07:38

Your husband treating you like a support human is deeply unattractive

notsayingmuch · 30/06/2023 07:40

From now on, leave his shirts exactly where he leaves them. Next time he is looking for his shirt it will be easy to find. It won't be clean, of course, but how satisfying to say, "it's still in a screwed up heap on the floor, you twat!"

Zanatdy · 30/06/2023 07:41

I’d tell him he can iron his own shirts if he doesn’t want one not being available

Original poster
Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:41

@notsayingmuch unfortunately leaving it on the floor would bother me a lot more than him ☹️ as I absolutely want to do this! Maybe I’ll just chuck them all in a basket as they are so they are not offending my eyes and there they stay

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 30/06/2023 07:42

Let him sort his own clothes out! He'll quickly run out...

HorribleNecktie · 30/06/2023 07:46

A poem.

Tell him to
go
fuck himself
and
his shitty ironing.

if he
wants
ironed shirts
he can do it

his
fucking
self.
in future.

problem
solved.

dancinfeet · 30/06/2023 07:47

does he only own one shirt?? He IBVU if he has several others that he could wear.
Agree with other posters about withdrawing services and letting him
sort his own next time.

Original poster
Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:48

@HorribleNecktie 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:49

@dancinfeet no, he has a bloody wardrobe full!! But he wanted the particular one that he can’t find, of course

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/06/2023 07:52

He is telling you loud and clear that he thinks providing clean ironed clothes for him is your job. That’s why he’s cross with you. When he’s not stressed he might not say it because he knows you wouldn’t like it. But deep down that’s how he feels.

Make today the last time you do anything to look after his clothes.

Nordicrain · 30/06/2023 07:56

Well it sounds like he called you a twat for making a sarcastic and unhelpful comment when he was stressing, not because you sent his shirt for ironing. Which, perhaps, in the situation could be really quite annoying (although doesn't warrant name calling).

But the whole blaming you for his lost shirt isn't on. DH tries similar once in a while. My response just is "you are responsible for your own clothes". I will do most of the washing (because I wfh so it's easy to stick a wash on), but I just wash what's there. If he wants something specific or is out of pants, or hasn't put something in the wash basket that's on him.

LMNT · 30/06/2023 08:00

Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:41

@notsayingmuch unfortunately leaving it on the floor would bother me a lot more than him ☹️ as I absolutely want to do this! Maybe I’ll just chuck them all in a basket as they are so they are not offending my eyes and there they stay

You’re his Mum. How deeply unattractive.

Tinkerbyebye · 30/06/2023 08:21

so Tonight I would tell him you are not happy about the way you were spoken to and that from now on he is responsible for his own clothes including washing and ironing, up to him if he uses the service, and putting away

and leave him to it

Mamanch · 30/06/2023 08:21

@Nordicrain exactly this. I'm sahm so i do the washing but if he runs out of pants that's really not my fault and I've told him so.

@Nojumpingorrunning he's behaving unreasonably, obviously. I also have the unpleasant tendency to want to blame others unfairly when I'm stressed about a problem - but i try not to do it because i'm an adult and can control myself.

Maddy70 · 30/06/2023 08:23

Jesus. He's just getting ready and can't find what he needs you were sarcastic. End of. really not a big issue it's a spat like most couples have

Bearpawk · 30/06/2023 08:52

Unless I'm reading it wrong he called you a twat for responding in a sarcastic manner.
You could have just said 'yes I've sent it off for ironing' without apology but also without the sarcasm.

TheoTheopolis23 · 30/06/2023 09:55

I take no part in my husband's laundry.

He does his own, Ive never taken it on as such.

I do household,myself,DD. He had his own laundry basket and it's up to him.

The only thing we do occasionally is hang up wet clothes if the other person hasn't had the chance.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/06/2023 10:07

Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:49

@dancinfeet no, he has a bloody wardrobe full!! But he wanted the particular one that he can’t find, of course

Ugh. What a prick.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/06/2023 10:08

My husband used an ironing service for work shirts. He took them/picked them up himself.

Poppysmom22 · 30/06/2023 10:25

Urgh he's horrible. My hubby does his own laundry because he doesn't like how I do it (don't ask) no shouting or passive aggressive actions required he just cracks on like the adult he is.

ArcaneWireless · 30/06/2023 10:30

I would be buying the basket and would no longer be dealing with his laundry.

My ex one day took upon it upon himself to criticise the fact that I wasn’t keeping up with his ironing and that I may want to pay attention to precision creases. And then moaned to his mum about my lack of care so I got it in the neck from her too.

I did try to explain that I was out of the house for 16 hours a day and that he might like to see to his own ironing. He didn’t call me a twat but he did say I was lazy.

I ironed every one of his shirts. With starch. They looked like an unfolded origami flower after paying particular attention to putting in a number of precision creases.

His jeans all had a military precision crease down the front of them too.

stayflufft · 30/06/2023 10:32

He called you a twat AND an arsehole? If my DH did this he’d be out on his arse!