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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH called me a twat for sending his shirt for ironing??

71 replies

Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 07:30

As usual, needs to go somewhere this morning, can’t find shirt he wants and is storming around the house in a flap.

starts deflecting his issue on to me, asking in a very accusatory manner if I sent his shirt off for ironing and that’s why he can’t find it (we get a weekly service).

I sarcastically/ jokingly said “oh no, sending your shirts away to be ironed, aren’t I dreadful!” to which he called me a twat and said I was being an arsehole!!

Appreciate it’s probably not the best timing for sarcasm when someone is rushing around- but frankly he’s trying to make his problem mine. He could have got his clothes sorted last night instead of falling asleep on the sofa.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 30/06/2023 10:34

ArcaneWireless · 30/06/2023 10:30

I would be buying the basket and would no longer be dealing with his laundry.

My ex one day took upon it upon himself to criticise the fact that I wasn’t keeping up with his ironing and that I may want to pay attention to precision creases. And then moaned to his mum about my lack of care so I got it in the neck from her too.

I did try to explain that I was out of the house for 16 hours a day and that he might like to see to his own ironing. He didn’t call me a twat but he did say I was lazy.

I ironed every one of his shirts. With starch. They looked like an unfolded origami flower after paying particular attention to putting in a number of precision creases.

His jeans all had a military precision crease down the front of them too.

WHy on earth are you doing his ironing anyway?

theemmadilemma · 30/06/2023 10:34

DH gets his clothes washed and dried. The rest is down to him.

I iron mine because it bothers me. He didn't iron his shit before he met me, unless he wanted a shirt, so I wasn't about to start doing his.

I will, sometimes, help him in out in a bind, but he's generally learnt to do it the night before by now to save himself the hassle.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 30/06/2023 11:01

I don't know why you have anything to do with his shirts - they are his responsibility.
You treat him as a child and act as his mother. He's not three.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 30/06/2023 11:05

How old are these women that do this stuff for men? Are you from 1930s ? Are you a carer to this man?
I literally don't know anybody who is this subservient. He's an able bodied man - or not?
Have some self respect.

Netcam · 30/06/2023 11:07

My DH does all his own laundry and organises his own clothes and always has done since we started living together. He wouldn't dream of asking me where any of them are.

Netcam · 30/06/2023 11:09

TheoTheopolis23 · 30/06/2023 09:55

I take no part in my husband's laundry.

He does his own, Ive never taken it on as such.

I do household,myself,DD. He had his own laundry basket and it's up to him.

The only thing we do occasionally is hang up wet clothes if the other person hasn't had the chance.

Exactly the same for us.

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:10

This feels like a pretty proportionate response - “twat” is hardly the worst word, he was stressed, you were sarcastic. It’s the kind of interaction that my husband and I would have in that situation (we’re both terrible for sarcasm and it winds the other up!) Move on from it I say, you both could have behaved slightly better but this isn’t something I would be thinking about even an hour later.

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:12

I’m so surprised at how many people do separate washing! I couldn’t be bothered with that - whoever notices the wash bin is full outs the washing on, whoever has time in the moment folds it etc. I’m surprised it’s such a big deal in so many households!

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/06/2023 11:13

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:10

This feels like a pretty proportionate response - “twat” is hardly the worst word, he was stressed, you were sarcastic. It’s the kind of interaction that my husband and I would have in that situation (we’re both terrible for sarcasm and it winds the other up!) Move on from it I say, you both could have behaved slightly better but this isn’t something I would be thinking about even an hour later.

Your bar is very low. I thought you should know.

Testina · 30/06/2023 11:14

He didn’t call you a twat for sending the shirt out though, did he? He called you a twat for being sarcastic and unhelpful in your comment. Which you were. But he was too. So YA(both)BU and YABU for deliberately misleading title 😉
I’d say he was more of a twat than you this morning - but definitely both twats 🤣

jojo2202 · 30/06/2023 11:14

me and my husband call each other twats on a daily basis. term of endearment lol

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:17

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom in what way is my bar low? Because I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist about my husband responding in kind to an unhelpful comment I made? Knowing I would respond in exactly the same way if the situations were reversed. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I don’t know how people get through the day getting so worked up about things.

If someone came on here saying that their husband had made a sarcastic comment to them when they were rushing around trying to get ready for work people would 100% be saying that she should have called him an arsehole.

jojo2202 · 30/06/2023 11:21

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:17

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom in what way is my bar low? Because I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist about my husband responding in kind to an unhelpful comment I made? Knowing I would respond in exactly the same way if the situations were reversed. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I don’t know how people get through the day getting so worked up about things.

If someone came on here saying that their husband had made a sarcastic comment to them when they were rushing around trying to get ready for work people would 100% be saying that she should have called him an arsehole.

totally agree

Fredface1 · 30/06/2023 11:23

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:17

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom in what way is my bar low? Because I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist about my husband responding in kind to an unhelpful comment I made? Knowing I would respond in exactly the same way if the situations were reversed. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I don’t know how people get through the day getting so worked up about things.

If someone came on here saying that their husband had made a sarcastic comment to them when they were rushing around trying to get ready for work people would 100% be saying that she should have called him an arsehole.

Absolutely agree

whatkatydid2013 · 30/06/2023 11:34

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:17

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom in what way is my bar low? Because I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist about my husband responding in kind to an unhelpful comment I made? Knowing I would respond in exactly the same way if the situations were reversed. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I don’t know how people get through the day getting so worked up about things.

If someone came on here saying that their husband had made a sarcastic comment to them when they were rushing around trying to get ready for work people would 100% be saying that she should have called him an arsehole.

Yep I’m with you too. Is being sarcastic or calling your OH names great behaviour - not really. Is it some massive calamity requiring drama - no it really isn’t. If he comes back after work tonight and is an arse about the whole thing then when it’s not in the moment that he’s stressed looking for something and/or he wouldn’t acknowledge this was pretty rude then that’s possibly more of a concern but people being a bit arsey with their partners when busy/stressed is not a catastrophe

Netcam · 30/06/2023 11:39

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:12

I’m so surprised at how many people do separate washing! I couldn’t be bothered with that - whoever notices the wash bin is full outs the washing on, whoever has time in the moment folds it etc. I’m surprised it’s such a big deal in so many households!

We have 3 laundry baskets, one for me, one for DH and one for the teens. We wait until there is a full load in a laundry basket to do a wash though. For the teens that's more often than for DH and I. DH washes his whites separately, I don't have any whites but wear lots of wool that I wash on delicate or hand wash. And the teens stuff gets put on regular cotton, mainly jeans, joggers, T-shirts and hoodies. It means little sorting before and after washing. When we've done a teens wash we give them a big pile between them to sort out. Then I do sheets and towel washes separately too since they tend to fill the whole washer and you don't get socks stuck in the bottom of the duvet cover.

Original poster
Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 11:45

It was definitely about both me not being able to magic up the shirt and being sarcastic tbh

And I was only being sarcastic (in a supposed to be comedy way I might add) because he was being accusatory in the first place, on the basis that I might have put his shirt in the bag for ironing

However I may also be a twat I guess 🤷‍♀️😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Nojumpingorrunning · 30/06/2023 11:51

I am not going to have any dealings with his laundry at all now, so anything he is unable to find is entirely on his watch. Will save money too if no ironing service 😊

I’m also going to have a word about the aggressive name-calling, especially in front of the children (which it was). Appreciate trading insults can be endearing banter, but not in the tone and context it was said this morning.

OP posts:
Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/06/2023 12:02

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 11:17

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom in what way is my bar low? Because I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist about my husband responding in kind to an unhelpful comment I made? Knowing I would respond in exactly the same way if the situations were reversed. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I don’t know how people get through the day getting so worked up about things.

If someone came on here saying that their husband had made a sarcastic comment to them when they were rushing around trying to get ready for work people would 100% be saying that she should have called him an arsehole.

You seem to think little wrong with the husband’s behaviour (crashing around trying to find one shirt on the morning he apparently desperately needs it, despite dozens of others hanging clean in his wardrobe, thinking laundry is his wife’s job, calling her names because she gasp washed it for him and sent it to be ironed…)

He’s lucky he only got a sarcastic comment. It’s the least he deserved. That you think their actions were on a par with each other is worrying.

He’s a functioning adult man, who could and should take responsibility for his own laundry.

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2023 12:10

Laundry is personal hygiene. I've never washed anything of DPs, it would feel like I was washing his armpits.

On affair threads it's a trope 'she'll get tired of him when she has to pick his dirty underpants up'. Well yes, which begs the question why tf would a girlfriend or wife do that either? Yuck!

jojo2202 · 30/06/2023 12:18

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2023 12:10

Laundry is personal hygiene. I've never washed anything of DPs, it would feel like I was washing his armpits.

On affair threads it's a trope 'she'll get tired of him when she has to pick his dirty underpants up'. Well yes, which begs the question why tf would a girlfriend or wife do that either? Yuck!

after giving birth infront of him i don't think washing is underpants...or him washing mine is a big deal. your oh must have a hygiene issue if his underpants are so yucky

00100001 · 30/06/2023 12:24

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2023 12:10

Laundry is personal hygiene. I've never washed anything of DPs, it would feel like I was washing his armpits.

On affair threads it's a trope 'she'll get tired of him when she has to pick his dirty underpants up'. Well yes, which begs the question why tf would a girlfriend or wife do that either? Yuck!

Such a Mumsnet thing to do separate washing.

I've never understood it, surely whenever the basket it full, or every other day or whatever, the washing just gets done?

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2023 12:27

Yip, I do my washing when my basket is full or I need clean clothes. I don't look at DPs laundry basket, it's his business.

We both chuck DS's stuff in with our own as he's too young to do laundry.

It's so easy 😊

JFDIYOLO · 30/06/2023 12:30

Does he see you as staff in other aspects of your life together, too?

holycannaloni · 30/06/2023 12:30

MorrisZapp · 30/06/2023 12:10

Laundry is personal hygiene. I've never washed anything of DPs, it would feel like I was washing his armpits.

On affair threads it's a trope 'she'll get tired of him when she has to pick his dirty underpants up'. Well yes, which begs the question why tf would a girlfriend or wife do that either? Yuck!

I don't think doing shared laundry requires much picking up of underwear unless one of you is a slob. Dirty clothes go into the laundry basket at the end of the day, laundry basket gets tipped into washing machine!